Well, hello there, strangers.

    

This weekend I was just sort of bumming around, being all bum-like, and feeling all bummie. It's a problem I'm trying to work on. I've been noticing lately that my number of followers is slowly creeping up (Yay!), and while I was lounging around in dirty clothes and watching ANTM repeats I was thinking, "Wouldn't it be great if I got 30 followers?" And you know what? IT TOTALLY IS GREAT! 

Today I hit that magical number (remember when I thought 30 was a super-cool age too? I'll get back there again... I'm sure of it... I hope). I was super-excited. So...

Welcome Followers! I'm so happy you're here. I'll be honest, I'm slightly shocked that I've gained new followers over the last few weeks since I find myself to be in a seriously deep sink-hole of despair. I must be doing something right though, right? I promise you, new followers, I'm not always this negative. I'm just at a really tricky crossroads right now. At any rate, welcome. I appreciate you all, new and old.

So, I wish I had some fun and exciting news to share with you. Or some fun and exciting story to tell you. Alas, I do not. My weekend was super-unproductive. I never made it to the mall (not that i really thought I would) and I didn't do any laundry (I still have clean underwear, so... it can wait a few more days). I worked some more on my painting, which could possibly explain why I didn't get anything else accomplished. You see, whenever I'm in "work-zone" I tend to stay up into the wee hours, toiling away at whatever task I'm working on until 2 or 3 am. Here's another sneak peek...

It's so pretty. Did I mention I'm excited about it? Yeah, I am. I think I'm actually going to finish it (*knock on wood*).

In other news, you know how I was working so hard on my thesis, pouring my blood, sweat, and tears into grad school? Well, apparently all my hard work has paid off. Not only will I be graduating in ten days, I'm also getting some sort of award. Or something like that. Yay for me! There's going to be a ceremony and everything. I get to bring two guests, but apparently they don't really want anyone to show since the ceremony is from 2:00-4:00 pm... on a Friday afternoon. Guess they don't realize that real people are at work then (I'm not one of those real people. I'll be attending. What else have I got to do?). Here's the fancy invite they emailed me...

So yeah. That's that. I haven't really told anyone about this. I don't think it's that big of a deal (although the secretary in my department said it was. Eh.). Believe it or not, I'm not a huge fan of attention. In fact, I hate it. Wait, let me clarify that. I LOVE attention on a one-on-one basis and even in small group situations, but I don't like being a part of large groups of people and receiving attention. Which is probably why I won't be walking during graduation. I hated having to walk for undergrad, I certainly don't want to do it again for grad school. I really hate awards ceremonies too, so I'm kind of surprised that I'm going to this one. It probably helps that I don't anticipate knowing anyone there.

In other news... I saw Mr. Bum this morning. I was kind of surprised seeing as how cold it's been lately. I thought he preferred warm days, but what do I know. Anyway, Mr. Bum was crossing the intersection on his way to set-up his station. He had a cup of coffee in his hand (again, I think it's coffee). I took a quick trip to the grocery store this weekend and I made sure to have a few dollars cash with me. I felt kind of bad about bashing Mr. Bum lately, so I wanted to give him a few bucks (that and I didn't want Karma to catch up with me down the road and bite me in the ass. Karma has a tendency to do that). Well, Mr. Bum was nowhere to be seen. I was surprised since it was kind of, sort of warm out this weekend. Maybe it was too windy for him. Oh well, maybe next time. Maybe I'll invite him to the ceremony. I imagine there will be free food.

Ah well. Again, welcome new (and old) followers. I look forward to getting to know you all better. And to those of you non-followers who pop by from time to time, thanks for dropping in!

Whoa! What happened to Friday?

  

Really. What DID happen to Friday? I could have sworn I posted on Friday. I didn't? I don't get it. How did that happen? What's today? SATURDAY? Damn! Where did the week go? Oh... right... I've been in a funk and when I get in a funk I lose all track of time and days and of myself. WTF, self?

So here's the deal, I'm truly bummed out. I can't even begin to explain why. I mean, I think I know why, in fact, I know I know why, but I'm pretty sure if I begin to explain it we would all end up heading down a road we don't really want to go. At least not together. Well, I know you won't want to go there with me. Me? I'm pretty much okay with going it alone. (I know, right? WTF? Sorry.)

As you may or may not know, I finally finished my thesis (well, I'm still procrastinating on the last round of revisions, but I've got until next week to turn it in, so... plenty of time. No worries.). Finishing my thesis means I'll be graduating in May, yay. Wait, what? It IS May already? Damn. I really am out of sync with time. Fine. I guess I'll be graduating in two weeks. No biggie. 

Except, it sort of is a biggie, because what the fuck am I going to do then? I want a job, but I don't want a job. I want to move, but I don't want to move. I want to aimlessly wander the world until I finally find a place that feels like home enough that I might actually want to stay there for longer than a year, but I don't want to aimlessly wander. I want love, but I don't want love. Oh, wait. We weren't gonna go there, were we? Sorry.

I thought being at this crossroads would be more exciting for me, but it's not. It's not like it's even scary though. It's just... eh. I really don't know where I'm headed next, and I've been pretty much ignoring the fact that this is something I really need to be thinking about and addressing. Like, ASAP. But not tonight. Mainly because it's actually the morning, and I should really be getting to bed. Not that I have anything exciting to do tomorrow. At any rate...

Seeing as how it's the end of the semester, the BFA and MFA students are having their thesis shows. I went to one tonight (and one last Friday night). It was okay. Not as great as last week's, but it inspired me to start painting again. Well, that and the new Anthropologie catalog I picked up tonight at the post office.

So, I started a painting tonight. I'm really, really excited with the way it's turning out. Here's a sneak preview (sorry about the poor picture quality. I live in a cave.):

In case you're wondering, yes, I am painting on a deconstructed brown bag from a liquor store. And yes, said bag was acquired this evening when I stopped at the liquor store to purchase a bottle of whiskey. I really needed it. And yes, it's the same liquor store from this story. But no, Mr. Bum was not present this evening, despite the glorious weather. Maybe he was snagging free food at the opening for the BFA show tonight. Who knows. I know that's why I went. Not that I got any food. It was all gone by the time I got there (and I got there ten minutes after the thing started. Guess artists really are starving). 

At any rate, I intend on reconstructing the bag once the painting is complete. Like I said, I'm really excited about this painting. If I ever get around to finishing it, I'll post a pic. In the meantime, good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite.

WARNING: This post may offend you (if you're a bum. Otherwise, probably not.)

       

Ah, yes. Well, here we are, aren't we? I promised you a funny post, didn't I? Well, guess what? I'm in a bit of a funk today, so don't expect too much from me. I'm not really sure why. I guess I have the post-thesis blues. And now I have the "I have the post-thesis blues" blues because I never thought I would be sad that my thesis was over with. (Well, for the most part. I still have that last round of revisions, but that's out of my hands for the moment.) I'm sad. I'm lonely. I think I need some whiskey. Blah, blah, blah. I won't bore you with a tale of the deep, empty, hollow, never-ending sorrow that I'm experiencing right now. (You're welcome)

Instead, let's converse about... homeless people. And hookers. Both of which I saw this evening on my way home from having a margarita with Boss Lady in honor of Cinco de Mayo. Or something like that.

(Source)

I live in a fairly small college town with a surprising number of bums and prostitutes. There's this one dude who likes to camp out at the entrance to a pretty busy plaza in town. Of course, this plaza happens to contain the grocery store I frequent. (And the liquor store. And the bank that will actually give me a roll of quarters even though I don't have an account there.) Now, I don't know about you, but for some reason, homeless people make me feel guilty. Not guilty enough to give them money, mind you, but guilty nonetheless. Guilty for going to the grocery store. Guilty for driving a car. Guilty for wearing clean clothes. You get the picture, right?

Mr. Bum has himself set up so when you exit the plaza via the left hand lane, he's literally standing two feet away from your driver's side window. I have to turn left in order to go home. I'm not going to lie, I have, on occasion, decided to take the long way home (exit right) in order to avoid being the first car in line at the light so as not to have to see Mr. Bum looming outside my car. It's not that he disgusts me or anything (seeing as I, myself, might be homeless soon). I just happen to experience a lot of anxiety having him next to my car. I mean, WHAT DOES HE EXPECT FROM ME!?! His sign says he wants a job, but his eyes say he'll take anything I offer. This is just too much pressure for me to handle. Let me explain.

First of all, aside from the fact that I barely have enough money to feed myself, I don't carry cash on me. And the only change in my car is the coffee-crusted pennies in the bottom of my cup holders. I suspect handing over a handful of sticky coins would be more offending than if I were to spit on him. I could be wrong.

Second of all, I don't know what his food preferences are. Is he a vegetarian? Does he have any food allergies? If I give him my Nutrageous, will it be appreciated? And furthermore, if I give him my Nutrageous, what will I eat for dinner? Does he have access to a microwave? I would be more than happy to share my microwave popcorn with him if I knew he had the means to pop it. Does he like apples? If I give him my apples will he appreciate how perfect and non-bruised and non-blemished they are? Will he thank me for spending fifteen minutes picking over every apple in the produce section to find the non-mealy ones?

I suspect he likes coffee because he's always drinking from a travel mug, however I'm pretty sure he doesn't have access to a coffee maker let alone a coffee grinder. (I think the Dunkin' Donuts across the street gives him free coffee. Or maybe he's drinking whiskey in that mug. If that's the case, I'll have to befriend him once I'm jobless and homeless too. At least then we'll both have a buddy to drink with.) In other words, I doubt my groceries are of any use to him.

Thirdly, and this one has nothing to do with the anxiety Mr. Bum causes me but is actually a critique of his strategy, why is he only present on warm, sunny days? Who's going to feel bad for a man standing outside on a warm, sunshiny day? If anything, people are going to be envious, and then they're going to be spiteful, and then poor Mr. Bum will go away empty handed because the people driving by are too bitter about the fact that he gets to be outside while they have to go to work and sit in some cramped, hole-in-the-wall, closet trying to pass itself off as an office.

Wouldn't it make more sense to be out there during the wet and cold weather? People always have sympathy for others who are colder and wetter than they are. Think of all the food and money and warm clothes he could get then. I tell you what, once we're seated down on that median with our drinks in hand, that's the first suggestion I'm gonna make.

Oh, and about that hooker I saw? (And if you're wondering how I knew she was a hooker, trust me, I've lived in this town long enough to be able to tell the difference between a hooker and a girl in middle school. The differences in the trashiness are subtle, but once you learn them, you can tell). Explain this to me. It was 90 degrees out today and this chick was walking down the street wearing her ankle boots with white athletic socks, booty shorts, a ruffled shirt with the print of some extinct animal that was killed off by Mother Nature for having a pelt that caused seizures, and a puffer vest. A PUFFER VEST! Did I mention it was 90 DEGREES OUT?

You know what? I bet Mr. Bum would have some interesting insight on this. That will probably be the second topic I bring up during our whiskey fueled conversation. Maybe Miss Hooker will lend us her puffer vest. After all, when she begs for money, she'll get to ride inside the cars while we'd be stuck on the outside in the cold precipitation

UPDATE: I just spotted a chickie in the Arts building I work in wearing the same get-up as Miss Hooker, sans the white socks and the animal print top. Hard to tell if this is the same girl, but I'm quite perplexed. Has hooker garb become some new trend in fashion that I'm unaware of?