[Insert creative title here]

                             
I’m completely uninspired. All my inspiration has been lost. Where did it go? In New York I was brimming over with ideas. I was jotting down things to write about left and right. I could jump in the shower and immediately compose a hilarious story about my fashion faux pas of the 90s. At 1:00 am I could begin writing a wonderful homage to John Cusack. While eating breakfast and watching Supernatural, I was able to outline the perfect post comparing Twitter to the cool kids’ table in the school cafeteria. Now that I’m in Virginia… nothing. Nada. Nilch. Zippo. My creativity has dried up.

What gives? Is it because my primo creative time is no longer alone time? Is it because there are now expectations that I be in bed, ready to sleep, at 10:00 pm? Is it because I’m being cruelly dragged from the comforts of slumber at 6:00 am? Is it because everything of mine that is me is packed away in boxes, deep in the confines of storage while I’m living in someone else’s space, among their things?

Yes, yes, yes and… yes.

I’ve been in this situation before. Cohabiting always makes me feel less like me. I never feel more like me than when I’m by myself. Or when I’m around others like me. But now, well, I’m not by myself, and I’m not around others like me. Therefore, if I’m not me right now, than who I am?

I’m a shell of the real me, struggling to muster the energy to be me while dreading the idea of losing more of me. I need to be surrounded by creative people, in creative places, and amongst creatively inspiring things. My creativity is fizzling. Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff............

_______________________________________________________

In the meantime, while I attempt to recharge, or decide to throw in the towel, Miss Nikki honored me with an award, and since I accepted the challenge that comes along with it, I guess now is as good of a time as any to complete it.

(Thanks, Miss Nikki. Rule #1? Check!)

So apparently there are rules that come along with this thing and what not. *Sigh* I'm so not into rules right now, but for the sake of keeping the bloggity blog world happy, I'll post them anyways. Lucky for us, there are only three:

1. Thank the blogger who awarded it to you (done)
2. Sum up your blogging philosophy, motivation, and experience using five words (say what now?)
3. Pass it on to 10 other blogs which you feel have real substance (10? we'll see about that. I don't even have the energy to read 10 blogs anymore *sigh*)

Alright, well, here goes nuttin'...

Boredom (as in, I created it because of, I write it because of, and you read it because of)
Alcohol (as in, the fuel that keeps me going, also, my best stories are the result of, but unfortunately they're also the most humiliating and shameful so I don't really write about them, and you don't really get to read about them)
Comments (as in, I'm a whore for them and they keep me going)
Humor (as in, I pretend to have a sense of one when I write so long as you all continue pretending to understand it when you read)
Pickles (as in, I love 'em, and so should you)

Okay, now for the hard part. I have to pass this shit on.

Um... so... don't judge me on this or anything, but I decided to mix things up a bit. It seems like all the same bloggers out there keep getting all the awards, and rightfully so, 'cause they're good, but I've decided to share with you 10 (random) blogs that I enjoy reading that you probably aren't reading.* And yes, these were selected randomly** from my blogroll using everyone's favorite tool, the random number generator over at random.org.

1. [ THE DRIFTER and the GYPSY ] 
2. No Teacher Left Behind
3. Skunkboy Creatures 
4. Etiquette Bitch
5. A Cup Full of Cake
6. Wait in the Van
7. DC Princess 
8. *uncorked 
9. Miss Mommy
10. a single girl in the city...

And there you have it. Go check out these bloggers. Let 'em know who sent you (and while you're there can you give them the good news about this blogger award thing? I might not get around to it today. Thanks). I can't guarantee you're gonna like them, nor can a I guarantee that they're frequent posters and what not, but they're on my blogroll so they must have something going on or else I wouldn't have chosen to follow them.

Congrats winners, and thanks again, Miss Nikki. Sorry if I didn't present this with as much enthusiasm as it warranted, but in case you missed it above, I'm creatively and inspirational-ly dead inside.

Now please excuse me while I go drown my sorrows. 

* I realize there's an official day for this sort of thing, but I prefer doing things my way. Deal with it.

** But not necessarily accurate. I can't be held responsible for my counting skills.

I'm a star!

 

Or something like that. I'm super excited though because I was chosen as the featured blogger over at Studio 30+ (thank you, Jules!). It may come as a quite a shock to some of you that I can be in a 30+ group, you know, because I very often don't act (or look) my age, but it's true. I'm 30.

On a side note, I had the honor of meeting Pooh's parents last night, and I'm positive I'm impressed the hell out of them with my classiness, seeing as how they're from Connecticut.* Anyway, Pooh texted me later:

Pooh: My parents thought u were like 23
Me: thats hilarious. did you set your parents straight?
Pooh: I told them you were 30 they were shocked.

At any rate, I'm super excited to be a featured blogger. Here's what Studio 30+ had to say about me:

This Week's Featured Blogger is One Blonde Girl. We know. We strayed from only picking people named Amanda.... sorry other Amandas. But One Blonde Girl is FuuuuuuunnnnnY! AND she has a brilliant idea about making people take exit interviews if they decide to stop following your blog.
(Plus, we don't want her to become a full fledge drunk standing on the corner drinking with bums.... maybe this will help.)

Again, THANK YOU!!! I knew all my bitching and moaning would pay off someday. 

*Seriously, Pooh's mom emphasized the word Connecticut when she told me where they were from. I'm pretty sure that woman hasn't been laid in at least five years, based on the amount of pursing her lips were doing.

"Oh, that's classy"

Oh my god. I lost a follower. What the hell? This isn't really doing much for my self-esteem or my state-of-mind. I mean, we all know how fragile I've been lately, right? You know, being unemployed, practically friendless, possibly homeless...

I mean, really, I'm already on my way to becoming a full-fledged drunk. I'm about one-step away from taking up residency on a street corner and drinking with bums. 

How did this happen? What did I do? Why? WHY?

Was it all my gangrene toe pics? My rants about being sans toilet paper? Am I swearing too much? Am I not being funny enough? It's hard to be funny when you're in the deep, dark hole of depression. Did someone just realize that I'm not as sweet and innocent as they initially thought? I mean, that's fine. I'm used to that. Happens to me all the time.

I kind of wish there were some sort of exit interview whenever you want to stop following a blog. That would be great. I would fill it out. You know, like when I stopped following that one blog, I would have answered,

"I stopped following you because you stopped posting. My blog roll was getting a bit long, and I needed to clean house. End of story." 

Or that time I stopped following that other blog, I would have said,  

"You're blog has become a pimp. When I first started following you, you talked about your interesting life. Now all you do is pimp out products that you review so you can get them for free. If I was interested in that sort of thing, I'd watch QVC."

I mean, when you dump a person you usually give a reason, right? When you stop being friends with someone (in the real world) there's usually a reason, right? When you stop talking to your family members you usually have a reason, right?

At any rate, I lost a follower, but on the bright side, I gained two, so I guess the world just righted itself (the rejection still stings though).

On another note...

I attended that fancy* little award ceremony I told you all about... alone, because I'm cool like that. Everyone else had family-type people there and significant others and what not. Not me though. I went stag. It wasn't really that big of an issue for me, at least not until we got to the point in the ceremony where you had to go up to shake the hand of the President,** accept your piece of paper, pause, and smile so your proud parents could take a gazillion photos of you.

Graduates all around me were going up to accept their awards, parents and boyfriends were rushing down the aisles to capture their baby's shining moment, *flash*! *flash*! *flash*!

That is, until... they announced... my name. I hobbled down to the front of the room, well aware of  the fact that all eyes were on me, at which point I wished I had taken the time to iron my skirt and done something more with my hair. Then the President grabbed my hand with his death-grip-I-refuse-to-let-you-go handshake, forcing me to pause, flashing his cheesy smile, and I was all like,

"Dude. What are you trying to do to me here? Do you see anyone rushing down for this photo op? No. Do you see any bright lights going off? No. Please, let's not drag this out. Everyone's looking at me. Just let go of my hand and let me slink back to my seat."

Not that I was in any rush to get back to my seat. I had the great luck of sitting next to this professor who was vaguely familiar looking, but not someone I actually knew. After we exchanged pleasantries she pointed to my bandaged toe and said,  

"Oh, that's nice."  

You know, in a very snooty, mocking tone of voice, kind of like she was thinking, 

"Oh, that's nice, you're at an award ceremony where you're going to be shaking hands with the President of the college and you chose to wear sandals with your nasty, bandaged toe hanging out?"

I then felt the need to defend my toe as well as my choice of footwear. I mean, it took me two hours to decide on an outfit that was business casual and would look okay with the only pair of fancy sandals I own because my toe refused to be shoved into a pair of closed-toe shoes. So, back off, lady, back off!

To top it all off, I hadn't had time to make coffee that morning so I was suffering from the worst headache in the history of caffeine withdrawl. Needless to say, as soon as the thing was over, I hightailed it out of there.

Oh, but the embarrassment wasn't over yet... 

As I was making my way to the arts building to clean my office out, Mother Nature decided to send a nice big gust of wind my way, snatching my award out of my hands and blowing it far, far away from me. And yes, I then became that person, desperately chasing that elusive piece of paper down the sidewalk in giant leaps and bounds, all the while trying not to land on my toe (or the award) because not only did it still hurt from the previous wound, but I had also managed to cut the bottom of the same toe on the corner of a table-top easel while getting dressed earlier in the day. I know what you're thinking***, "For the love of god, why weren't you wearing shoes?" Oh, but I was. As luck would have it, that easel managed to maneuver its corner in between my shoe and my toe just as I was stepping down. Stupid luck.

At any rate, here I am, in the 90° heat, chasing my award down the sidewalk like a crippled gazelle (I was going to use antelope, but gazelle just sounds more graceful, which of course, I am), cursing the wind for its mischievous antics, trying desperately to hold my skirt down, all the while getting more and more annoyed because every time that dang paper was in reach, the wind whipped it out of my way again.

Finally, the award came to rest, wrapped around the legs of some poor passerby. As I'm peeling the paper off and wiping the sweat from my face, I hear,  

"Oh, that's classy." 

I look up, brushing my disheveled hair from my eyes, and wouldn't you know it, it's the same professor I was seated next to during the ceremony.

Sonofabitch. Well yeah, lady, it just so happens I am the epitome of class. Obviously she doesn't read my blog, or she would know this. Whatever. I just earned my Masters degree and I'm an Outstanding graduate, so back off, lady, back the fuck off!

* They had chocolate covered strawberries, cannolis, a cheese tray AND a punch bowl filled with cranberry juice. Nice.

** Incidentally, there were some graduates who hugged the President when accepting their awards. What kind of nerd do you have to be to be on a hugging-basis with the President of the college?

*** Actually, you were probably thinking, "How the hell did you manage to step on a table-top easel?" Good question. As it happens, everything that I own that belongs somewhere other than on the floor is currently on the floor of my room.

Zzzzz

      

Dear peeps,

    

I plan to fill you in on my weekend adventures tomorrow. I'm just too beat right now. In the meantime, here's a little fun tid-bit...

I got a kick-ass award from McGriddle Pants over at Serenity Now!! Insanity Later...

(See?)

It's my first one. I'm super-psyched. However, now comes the pressure of giving some sort of acceptance speech, or something like that. Right? Is that something I have to do? I'm not really good at making speeches... Did I tell you about the time I purposefully made a point of not doing too super great in high school because I didn't want my grades to be so good that I became valedictorian or salutatorian because if you were either one you had to give a speech at graduation? No? Well, there you go. I just told it. 

Okay, now for my acceptance speech, here goes...

Thank you.

Phew! I hope that was okay. I tend to ramble when I'm nervous. I hope I didn't stutter. I tend to do that when I'm nervous too. Okay, well, before I run off to reapply my deodorant (I sweat when I'm nervous, and man, if giving that speech didn't make me super-d-duper-sweaty nervous...) I have to pass this baby on. This is going to be difficult, but here goes...

Here are five fantastically awesome blogs that I love more than the genius peanut butter and chocolate combination of a NutRageous. Okay, maybe not, but you get the idea:

1. The Naked Writer over there at The Writing Womb. Really, great stuff. I stumbled upon this blog recently and cannot stop laughing at the Naked Writer's complete and utter disregard for couthness*. (WARNING: Not for the faint of heart)
2. Lauren at Hipstercrite. This was one of the first blogs I began stalking following. She's clever, insightful, poetic, intelligent, uber-cool and, of course, downright narcissistic** (really, aren't we all?).
3. LiLu at Livit, Luvit. Why? Because she is just too dang funny. And she seems like she would be totally fun to hang with.
4. Erin, the Queen bee of Blogging is for Dorks. Erin's stories about spiders and shopping trips to Walmart are just too much. Make sure you check her out.
5. (and last, but certainly not least) Amber at Airing My Dirty Laundry. The tales she tells of her poor kids and husband are awesome. 

And there we have it. That took a little bit longer than I had expected. Now I should probably let these good ladies know, huh? (If you happen to make it there before I do, can you pass along the good news? Really, I am just too dang tired.)

Be on the lookout tomorrow for my weekend report. Here's a teaser...

There was drinking. And eating out (No! Not that kind, you dirty, dirty people). And a bloody appendage. Intrigued, aren't you? You should be. See you then!

* One of these days I'm going to come out with my own dictionary.

** A word she used to describe herself. I would never throw that word at people willy-nilly.

I can't believe I forgot about this!

    

A couple weeks ago I won my first giveaway, yay! I had recently started following the blog Along the Ausable. I used to live in Jay, NY so I enjoy popping over to Along to take a trip down memory lane. One evening I wandered over and discovered that she was having a giveaway! Along had recently made a discovery while visiting Devin's Garage and Deli*... jewelry! She was so excited that she decided to giveaway a pair of earrings to the first person to comment on her post. Of course, yours truly was the first person. Yay for me! (see, sometimes it pays to stalk people) Pop on over there, and read about it yourself. It's a cute story that reminds me of the small things I miss about living in small towns.

Anyway, I had completely forgotten that I had won, what with all the chaos currently occurring in my life. So, I took my (bi) weekly trip to the post office today (I always forget to check the mail), and look what I found in my mailbox!

Earrings! And a postcard of the Jay Covered Bridge! I was so excited. I rarely ever get real mail, and I rarely, rarely ever get packages in the mail! I'm thrilled about these earrings. They're so cute and they're green too! One of my favorite colors. I can't wait to wear them (I promise to post pictures when I do, of course). And check out the note on the back:

Awe, thanks! This has made me feel nostalgic, and I feel like reminiscing about the things I miss about living in Jay:

•  I NEVER forgot to go to the post office; it was right across the street! And I could walk there!
• sitting on our roof on the 4th of July, watching the three, yes three, different fireworks displays over the river. And they lasted forever!
• hanging my laundry out to dry.
• the neighbor's HUMONGOUS cat. That thing was seriously huge. In fact, it woke us up one night when it was fighting an owl over a rabbit. The cat won.
• walking down the hill in our backyard to go tubing in the river.
• the sense of community.
• music in the village green. We never actually went, but we could hear the music from our house.
• the weather. It was so weird, but living in Jay was like living in a weird weather bubble. If it was snowing everywhere else, the sun was shining in Jay!
• the scenery. I can't find most of my pictures, I think they're on my computer packed away in storage, however, I was able to scrounge a few up on this computer. It wasn't the most beautiful day, but I'm sure you'll get the idea. This was our backyard. Please disregard the date stamp. These obviously weren't taken in January. Or in 2070. If you want to see some prettier pictures, check out this gallery. Enjoy!

* Devin's Garage and Deli is a great place. They used to change the oil in my car. And I could walk there!