Dude, I'm beat, yo.

  

No, I haven't transformed into some sort of gangster/hippie hybrid overnight, but 'd' to the 'a•m•n' am I tired.

Too tired, in fact, to make coffee this morning, and since we're out of K-cups, I had tea. And tea is no substitute for coffee. Don't believe me? Why don't you go back and re-read that first sentence. Believe me now? Just be thankful I'm not to the point where I'm deliriously rolling around on the floor laughing like a maniacal crazy person. It's been known to happen, is all I'm saying.

This clock has no relevance to this post. I just thought it was cool.

So you might be wondering why the frick-frack I'm so tired (and when did I start becoming the type of person to replace all my curse words?)? Well, you got me (on both counts). It's not like I'm doing anything all day. However, if I have to blame something, I'm inclined to blame the following:

1. Medication. I'm on it. You don't need to know the details. Moving on.
2. Tension. The tension in the world of OBG is at extreme levels right now. What with job searching, apartment searching, money woes and so on and so on. I believe mental exhaustion can be more debilitating than physical exhaustion.
3. Laziness. I'm pretty sure I read studies about this sort of thing. The less active you are, the more tired you are. Or something like that. The only part of me getting any exercise lately are my fingers. I'm having a hard time convincing myself that it's okay to step away from the computer and the grind of job searching. 
4. Xbox and Dexter. Two things that have consumed my evenings of late. And when it's bedtime, these two get together in my dreams for nocturnal parties that drain the life out of me.
5. My Sleep Schedule. It's all out of whack. As I've discussed before, I'm a night person, and I have a tendency to be an insomniac. It is physically impossible for me to fall asleep before eleven pm, and often times, one am. And while I can be quite functional on a mere six hours of sleep, it is cruel and unusual punishment for me to be rudely awakened by bells and whistles and fog horns and alarms before seven am. Especially when I have a tendency to wake up during the night every few hours. *Sigh* I am so not built for the real world. 

So yeah, I'm tired. But I also have shit to do today, so while I'd really like to go take a quick power nap, I might actually go fold some laundry. Or something like that. And yeah, this post really has no point, but whatev'. I'm too tired to think. Get over it.

These two do not play well in sleepy time dreamland.

Oh, and I think this weekend is going to be relatively tame (thank God), but I did hear rumors of bowling tomorrow night, so that'll be cool. What are your weekend plans? Hope they're good ones (but if they're not, that's okay too).

I've been zombified.

  

They tell me there's a light at the end of the tunnel...

...but I can't see it yet. Please bear with me as I navigate my way through the hell of data analysis. I'm functioning on two and a half hours of sleep right now, although I suppose calling it functioning is being quite generous. I'm barely surviving. In fact, I feel a bit like this individual:

 (source)

Please send chocolate. Or whiskey. Or both.

That is all.

Dear Mr. Sandman

Please accept this letter as my official request to be rescheduled to an earlier time slot on your EST evening schedule. It is possible there has been some confusion and someone in your office informed you that 3:30am was an acceptable time to visit, and I can understand that. Back in the day this would have been entirely appropriate, especially on the weekends. However, times have changed. I'm getting older (is it possible, as the result of an innocent typo, 30 somehow became 3:30? I used to work in an office. I know how easily these little mistakes can happen), and my late-night partying days are long behind me (well, except for that one weekend. And that other weekend. And then there was that week night...).

I realize any adjustment to a carefully thought out and well-planned schedule can be bothersome, but you see, Sandy (we're friends, right? I can call you Sandy?), I'm currently working on my thesis and trying to finish up my Masters Degree so I can graduate in May. These late nights have become quite damaging to my sanity and my ability to think and reason during the daylight hours. All I'm asking for is a temporary rescheduling for the next three months. After the three months are up, and if you feel it's necessary, you are more than welcome to return me to my current time-slot.

Unfortunately, Sand, my man, I also find it necessary to address a more sensitive topic. I understand times are tough right now. People everywhere are trying to find ways to cut costs and conserve resources. I can't even pretend to understand the inner workings of your industry. I don't even know who it is you have to answer to (Mother Nature? Father Time?). Here's my concern, and again, I hesitate to bring it up, but I think it's necessary. It seems to me the quality of your Sleepy Time Magic Dust (STMD*) has been not quite, shall we say, up to par as of late. I know in these tough economical times we tend to search out cheaper alternatives to our tried and true, but I'm afraid the quality of these goods and products suffer. STMD just doesn't seem to have the same oomph that it once had. I wake up still feeling quite groggy, unrested, and often times, without a full nights sleep.

Or maybe it isn't the quality of your STMD that is the problem, maybe it's the quantity. Maybe your office has chosen to cut back on the doses you dish out in the interest of conservation. If this is the case, may I point out that I have never been an overuser or abuser of STMD. For most of my life I have been successfully getting by on 6 hours of sleep every night. Don't you feel it is a bit extreme to cut my dosage back to 4 hours? In the interest of making things easier on you, I propose a solution. There is this girl that I currently work with who claims to get 10 hours of sleep every night (a possible oversight on your office's part?). She comes into work every morning in the most obnoxiously super chipper and happy way. I propose you cut back her dosage by 2 hours and add it to mine. It's a win-win for everyone. You maintain your current operating costs, I get some much needed extra sleep, and she loses some of that irritating bubbliness, quite possibly saving her from being brutally murdered by an over-stressed, under-nourished, over-tired co-worker (not that I would know anything about that).

Thank you for your time and your consideration of this request. I understand you may have to discuss this with your superiors, but I look forward to hearing back from you very soon.

Sincerely,

One Blonde Girl

p.s. While I have your ear, and if you're so inclined, would it be possible for you to review your file on a certain Benny Bugger? I know a mom who would love a couple hours extra sleep at night. Thanks.

*the creation and use of this acronym is deemed acceptable by the APA Manual, 5th Edition.