Yeah... so... that happened.

 

(Image Source)

 

Life sort of got the best of me last night, and I finally had a severe emotional breakdown. We're talking straight-out hyperventilating sobbing followed by an evening of spontaneous whimpering. You know, the kind that causes your lips and other extremities to go numb? You might not remember what I'm speaking of (unless you have kids). Most people go through this stage when they're seven, and they've just found out that their mom's not really coming home. But I digress.

     

Evidently factors in this ever joyful life of mine just happened to align just right yesterday to cause a complete and utter breakdown of epic proportions. I'm not about to point fingers, as many elements played a roll, but conversations like this one may or may not have contributed to the momentary disintegration of my sanity.

And a rejection email received not even a 24 hours after applying for a job may or may not have contributed as well. A rejection letter that may have alluded to the idea that my qualifications made me unsuitable for the position I applied for because, based on my resume, they wouldn't be able to provide me with the hours I was looking for. Thank god they pointed that out to me. I mean, what was I thinking? Applying to a Part Time Art Teaching position like that? Of all the cockamamie, hair-brained ideas... And wasn't it so nice of them to explain that they felt the position was really more suitable for a retired teacher or a stay-at-home mom? But of course, if I was still interested, I was welcome to check out their website for more information. Oh can I? Can I really? Fuckheads.

Anybitterness, something exciting did happen yesterday. If you look to the right, and scroll down just a bit, you might find an icon that looks like this:

You didn't scroll down, did you? That's okay. It'll be there for awhile in case you ever feel like looking for it in the future.

In an attempt to boost my dwindling spirits (which obviously didn't work), I decided to participate in this project. Here's a brief description of the project (and I do mean brief. If you want more info, click on that icon above)...

Thousands of sketchbooks will be exhibited at galleries and museums as they make their way on tour across the country.

After the tour, all sketchbooks will enter into the permanent collection of The Brooklyn Art Library, where they will be barcoded and available for the public to view.

Anyone - from anywhere in the world - can be a part of the project. To participate and have us send you a sketchbook that will go on tour, start by choosing a theme to the right.

Like I said, I decided to participate. I've never participated in anything on such a grand scale, and I haven't really had a chance to be artsy since last summer while at Grad School/Summer Boot Art Camp. I'm super excited, to say the least. I have until January 2011!! to finish my sketchbook and submit it to The Brooklyn Art Library. After that, the sketchbooks go on tour around the country (I know, right?) and the best part is, I can track when and where it's being checked out (yes, they can be checked out like in a real library) online. 

I'll definitely keep you all updated on dates and locations, you know, in case any of you want to venture to the show and check my sketchbook out. And for this of you who aren't in the touring areas, I'll be sure to upload my work for you all to see.

Aren't you all super psyched? Well, I am! Oh! And how can I forget? Each sketchbook is assigned a theme. You could choose your own theme or have own randomly assigned to you (which was slightly scary). Ready to hear my theme? Drum roll please.....

"Great Hopes and Massive Failures"

 It's almost like this theme was handcrafted just for me. Almost. I'm kind of having a hard time deciding what sorts of things to do with this theme (got any ideas), but that doesn't really dampen my excitement at all.

So, in conclusion, be on the lookout for updates, and if you have any brilliant ideas or suggestions or even stories to tell that fit my theme (who knows, maybe I'll use them), be sure to pass them along. And just out of curiosity, are you participating in any cool things in the near future? Know anyone who is doing this project as well?

Joe Hates Spam

                                           

Joe found it ironic that Acme Staffing hired him to make this sign and subsequently laid him off when he was finished. 
When he inquired about the open position, he was told that, as a freelance artist, he wasn't qualified for a position in Advertising.
(Image Source)

UPDATE: This used to be a post inquiring about your woes with foraging for potential livelihood and being disengaged from the experiences of the daily grind, however, since this post seemed to attract a plethora of spammers, I deleted it. But I thought the image for this post was still funny, and decided to keep it. 

Sorry folks. Lesson learned: Don't blog about feeling a need for a nine-to-five lest you desire being innuendo with endeavor from place where a human lives offers.

Tales from the Texting Thumb, Part Deux

     

First, a quick history lesson...

    

The G-Man has been on the prowl for a new* job for, oh, about a month or so now. He started his search by posting his resume online. And then he sat back and watched as the responses came pouring in. Seriously. He was receiving calls and emails from recruiters and potential employers on a daily basis[maj.ex.pt.] (still is? I don't know, he stopped relaying those sorts of things to me. Could be because I threatened to remove his balls if I had to hear about his job searching success stories EVER AGAIN. Not really. But it came close.) 
     

At any rate, he's been on a few interviews and is this close from locking down a sweet offer. The interview for this particular job was last Thursday. Today is Tuesday. He was told to expect an offer letter on Monday. He's been looking for one since Friday. And texting me every time he checks his email to tell me he doesn't have an offer yet.

Here's today's texting converstation...

    

      

From: The G-Man 

Well no news yet

Jul 27, 12:13 pm

send an email than. ask if thereIs anything else they need from you (info) and assure them that you can start when they need you to (you need to think about your best interests here, not [current employers]). and why are there kids here?
To: The G-Man

Sent: Jul 27, 12:15 pm

later in the day...

From: The G-Man

Jack Black was in the x files!

Jul 27, 3:33 pm

everytime you text me im filled with excitement and dread. learning that jb was in the x-files doesn't make up for it. sorry.

To: The G-Man 

Sent: Jul 27, 3:35 pm

From: The G-Man

Oh... I also calling the Recruiter and he said they were definitely going to get and offer to me. He also said [prospective new employer] also landed the big [important govt. agency] contract they wanted me to handle so they have been busy**

Jul 27, 3:37 pm

woo-hoo! okay, now the jack black news is a little more interesting. what seasons?

To: The G-Man 

Sent: Jul 27, 3:38 pm

From: The G-Man

S3. F3

Jul 27, 3:39 pm
      

From: The G-Man

Oops. E3

Jul 27, 3:39 pm

wtf3? you speaking some sort of programmer code? i don't speak geek.

To: The G-Man 

Sent: Jul 27, 3:39 pm

From: The G-Man

Season 3......episode 3! It has nothing to do with geekness

Jul 27, 3:4one pm

sure it doesn't...

To: The G-Man 

Sent: Jul 27, 3:4one pm

From: The G-Man

They don't learn ya bout abbreviations in grad school?***

Jul 27, 3:42 pm

no. they just taught us how to spell out words and cite things. total rip off.

To: The G-Man 

Sent: Jul 27, 3:43 pm

From: The G-Man

I hope I get my own office

Jul 27, 3:45 pm

im sure you can include that in your list of demands

To: The G-Man 

Sent: Jul 27, 3:46 pm

* I stress new because The G-Man already has a job. Unlike some people I know...

** The G-Man uses that fancy texting feature that chooses words for you. I often have no idea what he's texting me, for example, when he wrote "or something Google wrong at the last moment." Uh-huh. I hate it when I Google wrong.

*** The G-Man didn't go to grad school. In fact, he doesn't even have a degree for the job that he does. His Bachelors degree is in a totally different, fairly unrelated field. And yet, his income is one that I would aspire to getting, as a teacher, the year I retire. Maybe. If I take 32 more credit hours. And I've been working for 20+ years. And people say teachers have it so easy.

Gushing and Blushing

  

Okay, I know it's Tuesday and Random Shit Tuesday is supposed to occur today, but my week is all screwy, so I'm making today Monday, or maybe Sunday. Therefore, I've got something else in mind for today.

So, can I just say that you all are freakin' awesome? I'm gonna say it...

YOU ALL ARE FREAKIN' AWESOME.

This morning I got up, jumped on my laptop and discovered eight, yes, eight comments on yesterday's post. After the two days of hellish-ness I had just gone through (and, for the record, only one day was hangover related, the other was drug side-effects related, but you don't need to hear about that), nothing could have been more welcoming to see than that.

My favorite was from frequent commenter, the Didactic Pirate (go check him out), who wrote,

"Sometimes I think your life is like a really awesome movie -- one I'd pay full price to see." 

Me too, man, me too.

Lest you aim to look like Keith Richards, and let's be honest, nobody wants that.

(Source)

I have a confession to make, I'm a tad bit narcissistic (but aren't we all?), and I occasionally go through my days wondering what people would think if they were reading my life story in a book or watching it as a movie. Yeah, okay, maybe a little bit more than a tad bit, but whatever, this is why I have a blog, right?

Anyego, I envision that my life's movie would be something of a cross between a quirky rom-com (think 500 Days of Summer, not a Reese or SJP rom-com) and a Judd Apatow movie. And before I ventured into what big stars would play all the various characters in my movie, I took a moment to reflect upon the aspects of my life that would be entertaining enough to actually make it into the movie. And then I was reminded of a snippet of jules' comment,

"(Though I've pretty much give up alcohol in the past few months after some SCARY drunk episodes.)" 

Holy shit, I can totally relate to that. Especially lately.

Back in the day (I'm talking college here, folks), I was quite capable of holding my own when it came to drinking. In fact, it was often said that I could drink any man under the table. I was a kick-ass Beirut partner, and puking usually only occurred the next day, and in a toilet. Post-college, I was still in my prime drinking time (and yes, it does pain me a little to think that I can use those words to describe any part of my life). I was a go-to partner in beer pong (Beirut, apparently, being a regional thing) and would often be one of the last people standing at the end of the night. Unfortunately, those days are long behind me, and as it was so delicately pointed out to me on Sunday, I'm getting older and can no longer hold my liquor (this being just a saying as I did not consume any liquor the previous evening).

Yes, I'm getting older, but there's also another major difference between me now and me then that I neglect to take into account. I was 20, 30, sometimes 40 lbs. heavier back in the day. And of course, weight plays a major role in how much you can drink before becoming intoxicated. This is something that I never think about. I have my own personal issues with weight that I won't bore you with, and the only time the reality of my size ever occurs to me is when I'm clothes shopping and I automatically reach for the size 8s and mediums and later discover that I'm really a size 4 and an extra-small (please don't hate me for this. I'm not bragging. There were times when I would grab size 8s and discover that I was actually a size 14. I have some demons at work inside of me, so please, move on).

Or not. I vote for not. At least until the next time.

(Source)

So, long story short (Too late! Sorry, that never gets old, or does it? Whatever, I love that movie.), I forget, quite often, that I'm not the same rock star I was in college, or even post-college. I've got to start remembering that my limit now is 6 beers or 1 1/2 bottles of wine or 4 whiskey drinks or 0 shots, and I think I'm okay with that. I also have to remember that I'm no longer drinking cheap, light beers from my college days, and I'm drinking higher quality, higher alcohol content beverages as my tastes for quality beer have evolved over the years (and whiskey. Damn if it doesn't pull me in every time.).

I'm not saying the best of my drinking days are behind me, but hopefully, through acknowledgment and acceptance, I can finally begin admitting to myself that even thought I still look 23, I can't still drink like 23. So, in conclusion, thanks for all the support, thanks for relating to my woes, and thanks for sharing in my misery. You guys are freakin' rock stars.

Cub Scouts are judgy motherf*ers.

             

- the little pricks. Walking around the metro station like they own the place. Like they've never been gloriously hungover at eleven:00am.

other possible titles for this post were...

Is 30 Too Old for Silly Bandz?

- No. Especially if they're not the real thing and were purchased from a convenience store on the way to a drinking party (like there's any other kind).

or...

At Least My Underwear is on the Right Way

- Which is better than I can manage most of the time. The following is dialogue from an actual conversation that took place. More or less:

"Do you remember puking last night?"
"What? No. In the toilet?"
"Uh, no. Do you remember me putting you in the shower to clean the puke off of you?"
"What? No. And I took my clothes off first?"
"No. I had to undress you."
"But I managed to put them back on so well?"
"No. You didn't. I did that too."
"Huh."

or...

The Four Hour Walk Ride of Shame

- Because somebody left his car keys at Thing Two's apartment in DC, and we weren't made aware of it until we were at Pentagon City, on our way to King Street to transfer to the blue line and then we had to get off and head back up to Mount Vernon Square and then do the whole thing all over again.

or...

The Time the G-Man Left Me Passed Out On a Bench in the Metro Station

- But first I had to convince him that it would be in everyone's best interest to just leave me in the station, because there was no chance in hell I was venturing out in that heat to walk back to Thing Two's apartment. And, yes, yes I would be okay by myself because I am, after all, an adult. And then I curled up in the fetal position on the hard bench and took a nap. Okay, well maybe not the fetal position since I was wearing a dress and there was a weird Asian man next to me and I didn't want him looking up my dress.

or...

Old Asian Men Like Passed-Out, Hungover Chicks

- Why else would the old man try to converse with me when I was obviously trying to snooze. I'm pretty sure my lack of response was only encouraging him to try harder. Why else would he refuse to let up? And how did he know my name?

or...

That Time I Mistook The G-Man for an Old Asian Dude

- Did I mention I was hungover?

or...

I Want to Die

- "You can die once we get to the car."

or...

How Long Does it Take OBG to Eat French Fries?

- About thirty minutes. Because when she's laying down on the bed, with the fries about six inches from her mouth, she'll be tempted to eat them straight from the container, with her mouth, because it would require way too much energy to lift her head up, but she still tries to maintain a certain level of dignity and uses her hands to eat the fries, but this requires that she take a quick power nap between every bite, wherein she forgets she even has fries, and when she opens her eyes after each nap, she is pleasantly greeted by greasy fries staring her in the face, and she thinks, "Ooh, look. Yum, fries."

Yeah so, that was my weekend. How was yours?

It's Saturday! Let's shop for sales!

   

I thought I'd mix things up a bit for this Saturday's post.

Let's talk sales. Here's some of my favorite Sale items from some of my favorite shops.

Anthropologie

(p.s. These are all under $20)

ModCloth

(I'm not gonna lie, the sale section is kind of weak right now)

Ruche

(Eh, maybe we should skip the sales today?)

Urban Outfitters

(Normally I'm a Silence & Noise and Kimchi Blue kinda girl. Guess today I'm all Pins and Needles.)

Hope you all are having a great weekend. I'll be out partying later, which means maybe my week will end better than it started. See you in the funny pages.

Tales from the Texting Thumb.

From: The G-Man

Morning beautiful! Want to meet me for lunch today?

Jul 23, 10:28 am

huh? what? where? when? seriously?
To: The G-Man

Sent: Jul 23, 10:31 am

From: The G-Man

R u still sleeping?

Jul 23, 10:32 am

no. but i wish i were

To: The G-Man 

Sent: Jul 23, 10:33 am

From: The G-Man

Ohh..u sounded confused.

Jul 23, 10:33 am

From: The G-Man

I wanted to see if u wanted to meet me here at [place of work] for a sushi lunch

Jul 23, 10:34 am

like, i would have to drive? and shower? but that might disrupt my job searching time...

To: The G-Man 

Sent: Jul 23, 10:36 am

From: The G-Man

Well I wouldn't want to take u away from that... I know how much u enjoy it

Jul 23, 10:53 am

right... so seriously though, it sounds like a lot of work... can't i just place an order to go. and then you can deliver it?

To: The G-Man 

Sent: Jul 23, 10:55 am

From: The G-Man

Ummmm...no

Jul 23, 10:55 am

why not? it's not like you have anything better to do, right? I mean, hello! I've got a huge "To Do" list going on over here.

To: The G-Man 

Sent: Jul 23, 10:58 am

From: The G-Man

Well...there is the whole work thing

Jul 23, 11:04 am

pffft... work schmork. all the cool people are unemployed these days. so... when again? my tummy is rumbly. i suppose i can drive for sushi

To: The G-Man 

Sent: Jul 23, 11:07 am

From: The G-Man

can you be here noonish?

Jul 23, 11:08 am

uh... not if i need to be clean. which i do. and furthermore, how do i get there and where do i meet you?

To: The G-Man 

Sent: Jul 23, 11:10 am

From: The G-Man

Just come to [place of work]...park in the parking lot at the corner of [such-and-such] st and [so-and-so] ave. U will need id...just tell the guards at the checkpoint you are going to see [company] on [so-and-so] ave.

Jul 23, 11:18 am

okay, im going to have to pass. no way im going to make it since i just began battling the bathtub stopper in an attempt to remove a clog.

To: The G-Man 

Sent: Jul 23, 11:19 am

From: The G-Man

Seriously?

Jul 23, 11:20 am

well yeah, i want to shower first!

To: The G-Man 

Sent: Jul 23, 11:20 am

fine. ill fight the hair clog later.

To: The G-Man 

Sent: Jul 23, 11:22 am

Four hours, one I-95 traffic/incorrect directions incident, and one boring tour of [place of work] later and I finally make it back home. So much for that "To Do" list. I need a nap.