Lost in translation.

  

The other day I had a student use the word puta in my classroom. I can only assume he thought that I, the ignorant white woman that I am, would have no idea what he was saying. Unfortunately for him, he was unaware of my extensive knowledge of foreign languages. In fact, I have have taken three different language classes. Combine that with my obvious mastery of the English language and the fact that my dad used to travel the seven seas, and you're looking at one multilingual individual right here, yessiree-Bob.

The following is an imaginary conversation I would have with someone who is just as dialectically educated as I. Enjoy. Hopefully you'll be able to learn a thing or two (oh, and in case you want to Google a translator and translate this convo, I'm providing you with a hand-dandy key to the various languages being used. Your welcome.) (My apologies to Twin in advance, who took way more French than me and hates it when I attempt to speak it.)

English

French

Spanish

Sign Language  

(What? It's a language. I have the certificate to prove it)

German

Pirate

OBG: [right hand touches chin, touches open left palm, touches inside left elbow]. Me llamo Una Blonde Chica. Donde esta el bano?

Imaginary Person of Obvious Intelligence: Gutentag, Ein Blond [rubs closed fist along jaw line from ear to chin as if tying a bonnet]. Je'mappelle Monsieur Smarty Pantaloons. No se. Donde esta la biblioteca?

OBG: Cierra la boca! Porque? Do you [places both hands palms up at hip level, draws hands in towards body while closing into fists] un libro?

IPOI: Nein. Quiero to find mi tia. Elle works thar.

OBG: Pero la biblioteca es aqui. Well, no aqui, pero down el street. 

IPOI: [smacks hand to head]! Como silly de mi. I'm [traces pointer finger down throat]. Would tu like a go a cafe shop avec moi?

OBG: No, pero estoy [forms c-shape with right hand and traces down esophagus area of chest]. Care to join moi por some wurst y sauerkraut?

IPOI: Egads! Nein, tu wench! Wurst y sauerkraut es el worst! Excuez-moi, por favor. I think I'm going to vomito. 

OBG: Foutre tu, tu scallywag!

Ah... it's like speaking our own secret language, one of which I would never expect you folk of lesser intelligence to comprehend. Of course, when one partakes in such an esteemed conversation such as this, which employs multiple languages, one can only expect a few things to get lost in translation. Especially when the pirate comes out.

(I should probably clarify, my father wasn't a pirate. The German came from him, not the pirate-speak. That came from watching Johnny Depp play Jack Sparrow one too many times.)