Trash Talkin'

I loathe those so-called tall kitchen garbage bags. You know the ones, right? The 13-gallon white bags with the fabulous tie-handles? Despite their claim, they’re never quite tall enough to sit securely over the rim of the waste can. These tall kitchen bags could never live up to their name, something that’s quite obvious the first time you try to use one. Sure, you can get the bag to sit around the rim, but you’re going to notice a good six inches of space between the bottom of the bag and the bottom of the can. Never fails, the first armload of McDonald’s trash causes that darn garbage bag to slip off the rim and right down the inside of the can. Try to get that bag around the rim again and you’ll involve yourself in a never ending battle between person and plastic.

I’ve lived in many different kitchens, with many different housemates, and while I’m not sure what kind of trash goes into the waste can of the genius who came up with these bags, I guarantee it’s nothing like the trash that has gone into mine over the years. From pizza boxes and leftover containers to milk jugs and beer cans, my kitchen waste can has seen a variety of occupants (yes, we recycle here in the mountains of NY, but that’s a battle I temporarily gave up on while I lived with four male housemates). And if you’ve ever had housemates like mine, then you know that nine times out of ten you’ll find that darn bag sitting underneath a pile of refuse, swimming around like a lost little sock in the toes of your favorite winter boot.

I once had a housemate suggest we put a rubber band around the rim of the can to hold the garbage bag securely in place. Yeah, it worked, but only until the weight of the trash pulled on the bag so much that it created rips, thus making it impossible to tie up the darn thing. My solution? Buy those clear bags made for recycling or yard clippings. Their size is excessive, but hey, at least you no longer have to waste your time trying to shove pizza boxes into sandwich bags. And those leftover tall kitchen bags you have lying around? Banish them to the home office, or better yet, the bathroom and give those grocery bags a rest- you should have switched to reusable by now anyway.