shhh... it's a secret

Friday, July 30, 2010

What's for Lunch? July 30, 2010

I believe in grilled cheese sandwiches. I grew up on these things, and I still enjoy eating them. Over the years I have ventured into the world of what I like to call "grown-up grilled cheese sandwiches". You may know them as "melts" or other fancy titles, but in my kitchen, they're "grown-up grilled cheese sandwiches".

I truly believe that grilled sandwich making is an art. This art form varies greatly what with the invention of the pizza sandwich maker and the panini sandwich maker, but the classic grilled sandwich involves a skillet and a spatula (the flipping kind, not the scraping kind).

I also believe that a great sandwich requires quality and, when available, fresh ingredients. As a special treat, I have decided to document the tasty (and maybe not-so tasty) grown-up grilled cheese sandwiches I concoct from time to time. Whenever possible I will include pictures. In other words, when I remember to or can stop from consuming the sandwich in three belly-bloating bites, I'll grab my camera and photograph my lunch for you.

By no means will I attempt to call these sandwich "recipes" originals (or for that matter, healthy), but I hope you can find them inspiring nonetheless. Usually creating a grilled sandwich involves me wandering around the kitchen to see what sort of goodies and leftovers I have on hand. The sandwich creating process is hardly ever premeditated.

So, without further ado, I present to you...

The Chicken Parm Grilled Cheese Sandwich
(which, as it turns out, doesn't actually include any Parmesan cheese)

2 slices whole wheat bread
3 slices Mozzarella cheese
3 slices leftover roasted chicken breast
6-8 fresh basil leaves, chopped
3 tablespoons* leftover tomato sauce 
sea salt and black pepper to taste 
2 teaspoons garlic infused olive oil

Here's how the assembling process went down...
  1. slice of bread. 
  2. cheese (3 slices might sound like a lot, but I'm talking about 3 slices off of the block of cheese you might buy if you were making lasagna or fancy pizza, not the overpriced, pre-packaged, sliced garbage stores like to sell you).
  3. chicken.
  4. basil.
  5. fresh ground black pepper.
  6. tomato sauce.
  7. other slice of bread.
I greased my frying pan with the garlic infused olive oil (which you can easily make by buying regular olive oil and dumping a bunch of fresh garlic cloves inside. The longer it sits in there, the more potent the garlic flavor). Then I slapped my sandwich down and grilled it (if you don't know how to grill a sandwich using just a flipper and a frying pan, call your grandma up and have her teach you). Between flips I ground some sea salt onto both sides of the bread, hoping for a pretzel type effect. It kind of worked.

And then I wolfed it down, which means, no pictures. Sorry.

* All 'spoon measurements are guesstimates as I don't actually measure anything.


Did You Know?
OBG had a sandwich filling "recipe" published on the website As anyone who frequents this site and/or has tried to submit a recipe for "publication" would know, the criteria for selecting what recipes to publish is... uh... well, does anyone really know how recipes are chosen over there? At any rate, go check it out. Apparently people like it.

Dude, I'm beat, yo.

No, I haven't transformed into some sort of gangster/hippie hybrid overnight, but 'd' to the 'a•m•n' am I tired.

Too tired, in fact, to make coffee this morning, and since we're out of K-cups, I had tea. And tea is no substitute for coffee. Don't believe me? Why don't you go back and re-read that first sentence. Believe me now? Just be thankful I'm not to the point where I'm deliriously rolling around on the floor laughing like a maniacal crazy person. It's been known to happen, is all I'm saying.

This clock has no relevance to this post. I just thought it was cool.

So you might be wondering why the frick-frack I'm so tired (and when did I start becoming the type of person to replace all my curse words?)? Well, you got me (on both counts). It's not like I'm doing anything all day. However, if I have to blame something, I'm inclined to blame the following:
  1. Medication. I'm on it. You don't need to know the details. Moving on.
  2. Tension. The tension in the world of OBG is at extreme levels right now. What with job searching, apartment searching, money woes and so on and so on. I believe mental exhaustion can be more debilitating than physical exhaustion.
  3. Laziness. I'm pretty sure I read studies about this sort of thing. The less active you are, the more tired you are. Or something like that. The only part of me getting any exercise lately are my fingers. I'm having a hard time convincing myself that it's okay to step away from the computer and the grind of job searching. 
  4. Xbox and Dexter. Two things that have consumed my evenings of late. And when it's bedtime, these two get together in my dreams for nocturnal parties that drain the life out of me.
  5. My Sleep Schedule. It's all out of whack. As I've discussed before, I'm a night person, and I have a tendency to be an insomniac. It is physically impossible for me to fall asleep before eleven pm, and often times, one am. And while I can be quite functional on a mere six hours of sleep, it is cruel and unusual punishment for me to be rudely awakened by bells and whistles and fog horns and alarms before seven am. Especially when I have a tendency to wake up during the night every few hours. *Sigh* I am so not built for the real world. 
So yeah, I'm tired. But I also have shit to do today, so while I'd really like to go take a quick power nap, I might actually go fold some laundry. Or something like that. And yeah, this post really has no point, but whatev'. I'm too tired to think. Get over it.

These two do not play well in sleepy time dreamland.

Oh, and I think this weekend is going to be relatively tame (thank God), but I did hear rumors of bowling tomorrow night, so that'll be cool. What are your weekend plans? Hope they're good ones (but if they're not, that's okay too).

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Yeah... so... that happened.

(Image Source)
Life sort of got the best of me last night, and I finally had a severe emotional breakdown. We're talking straight-out hyperventilating sobbing followed by an evening of spontaneous whimpering. You know, the kind that causes your lips and other extremities to go numb? You might not remember what I'm speaking of (unless you have kids). Most people go through this stage when they're seven, and they've just found out that their mom's not really coming home. But I digress.
Evidently factors in this ever joyful life of mine just happened to align just right yesterday to cause a complete and utter breakdown of epic proportions. I'm not about to point fingers, as many elements played a roll, but conversations like this one may or may not have contributed to the momentary disintegration of my sanity.

And a rejection email received not even a 24 hours after applying for a job may or may not have contributed as well. A rejection letter that may have alluded to the idea that my qualifications made me unsuitable for the position I applied for because, based on my resume, they wouldn't be able to provide me with the hours I was looking for. Thank god they pointed that out to me. I mean, what was I thinking? Applying to a Part Time Art Teaching position like that? Of all the cockamamie, hair-brained ideas... And wasn't it so nice of them to explain that they felt the position was really more suitable for a retired teacher or a stay-at-home mom? But of course, if I was still interested, I was welcome to check out their website for more information. Oh can I? Can I really? Fuckheads.

Anybitterness, something exciting did happen yesterday. If you look to the right, and scroll down just a bit, you might find an icon that looks like this:

The Sketchbook Project: 2011
You didn't scroll down, did you? That's okay. It'll be there for awhile in case you ever feel like looking for it in the future.

In an attempt to boost my dwindling spirits (which obviously didn't work), I decided to participate in this project. Here's a brief description of the project (and I do mean brief. If you want more info, click on that icon above)...
Thousands of sketchbooks will be exhibited at galleries and museums as they make their way on tour across the country.

After the tour, all sketchbooks will enter into the permanent collection of The Brooklyn Art Library, where they will be barcoded and available for the public to view.

Anyone - from anywhere in the world - can be a part of the project. To participate and have us send you a sketchbook that will go on tour, start by choosing a theme to the right.
Like I said, I decided to participate. I've never participated in anything on such a grand scale, and I haven't really had a chance to be artsy since last summer while at Grad School/Summer Boot Art Camp. I'm super excited, to say the least. I have until January 2011!! to finish my sketchbook and submit it to The Brooklyn Art Library. After that, the sketchbooks go on tour around the country (I know, right?) and the best part is, I can track when and where it's being checked out (yes, they can be checked out like in a real library) online. 

I'll definitely keep you all updated on dates and locations, you know, in case any of you want to venture to the show and check my sketchbook out. And for this of you who aren't in the touring areas, I'll be sure to upload my work for you all to see.

Aren't you all super psyched? Well, I am! Oh! And how can I forget? Each sketchbook is assigned a theme. You could choose your own theme or have own randomly assigned to you (which was slightly scary). Ready to hear my theme? Drum roll please.....

"Great Hopes and Massive Failures"

 It's almost like this theme was handcrafted just for me. Almost. I'm kind of having a hard time deciding what sorts of things to do with this theme (got any ideas), but that doesn't really dampen my excitement at all.

So, in conclusion, be on the lookout for updates, and if you have any brilliant ideas or suggestions or even stories to tell that fit my theme (who knows, maybe I'll use them), be sure to pass them along. And just out of curiosity, are you participating in any cool things in the near future? Know anyone who is doing this project as well?

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Joe Hates Spam

Joe found it ironic that Acme Staffing hired him to make this sign and subsequently laid him off when he was finished. 
When he inquired about the open position, he was told that, as a freelance artist, he wasn't qualified for a position in Advertising.
(Image Source)

UPDATE: This used to be a post inquiring about your woes with foraging for potential livelihood and being disengaged from the experiences of the daily grind, however, since this post seemed to attract a plethora of spammers, I deleted it. But I thought the image for this post was still funny, and decided to keep it. 

Sorry folks. Lesson learned: Don't blog about feeling a need for a nine-to-five lest you desire being innuendo with endeavor from place where a human lives offers.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Tales from the Texting Thumb, Part Deux

First, a quick history lesson...
The G-Man has been on the prowl for a new* job for, oh, about a month or so now. He started his search by posting his resume online. And then he sat back and watched as the responses came pouring in. Seriously. He was receiving calls and emails from recruiters and potential employers on a daily basis[] (still is? I don't know, he stopped relaying those sorts of things to me. Could be because I threatened to remove his balls if I had to hear about his job searching success stories EVER AGAIN. Not really. But it came close.) 
At any rate, he's been on a few interviews and is this close from locking down a sweet offer. The interview for this particular job was last Thursday. Today is Tuesday. He was told to expect an offer letter on Monday. He's been looking for one since Friday. And texting me every time he checks his email to tell me he doesn't have an offer yet.

Here's today's texting converstation...
From: The G-Man 
Well no news yet
Jul 27, 12:13 pm

send an email than. ask if thereIs anything else they need from you (info) and assure them that you can start when they need you to (you need to think about your best interests here, not [current employers]). and why are there kids here?
To: The G-Man
Sent: Jul 27, 12:15 pm

later in the day...

From: The G-Man
Jack Black was in the x files!
Jul 27, 3:33 pm

everytime you text me im filled with excitement and dread. learning that jb was in the x-files doesn't make up for it. sorry.
To: The G-Man 
Sent: Jul 27, 3:35 pm

From: The G-Man
Oh... I also calling the Recruiter and he said they were definitely going to get and offer to me. He also said [prospective new employer] also landed the big [important govt. agency] contract they wanted me to handle so they have been busy**
Jul 27, 3:37 pm

woo-hoo! okay, now the jack black news is a little more interesting. what seasons?
To: The G-Man 
Sent: Jul 27, 3:38 pm

From: The G-Man
S3. F3
Jul 27, 3:39 pm
From: The G-Man
Oops. E3
Jul 27, 3:39 pm

wtf3? you speaking some sort of programmer code? i don't speak geek.
To: The G-Man 
Sent: Jul 27, 3:39 pm

From: The G-Man
Season 3......episode 3! It has nothing to do with geekness
Jul 27, 3:4one pm

sure it doesn't...
To: The G-Man 
Sent: Jul 27, 3:4one pm

From: The G-Man
They don't learn ya bout abbreviations in grad school?***
Jul 27, 3:42 pm

no. they just taught us how to spell out words and cite things. total rip off.
To: The G-Man 
Sent: Jul 27, 3:43 pm

From: The G-Man
I hope I get my own office
Jul 27, 3:45 pm

im sure you can include that in your list of demands
To: The G-Man 
Sent: Jul 27, 3:46 pm

* I stress new because The G-Man already has a job. Unlike some people I know...
** The G-Man uses that fancy texting feature that chooses words for you. I often have no idea what he's texting me, for example, when he wrote "or something Google wrong at the last moment." Uh-huh. I hate it when I Google wrong.
*** The G-Man didn't go to grad school. In fact, he doesn't even have a degree for the job that he does. His Bachelors degree is in a totally different, fairly unrelated field. And yet, his income is one that I would aspire to getting, as a teacher, the year I retire. Maybe. If I take 32 more credit hours. And I've been working for 20+ years. And people say teachers have it so easy.

Gushing and Blushing

Okay, I know it's Tuesday and Random Shit Tuesday is supposed to occur today, but my week is all screwy, so I'm making today Monday, or maybe Sunday. Therefore, I've got something else in mind for today.

So, can I just say that you all are freakin' awesome? I'm gonna say it...


This morning I got up, jumped on my laptop and discovered eight, yes, eight comments on yesterday's post. After the two days of hellish-ness I had just gone through (and, for the record, only one day was hangover related, the other was drug side-effects related, but you don't need to hear about that), nothing could have been more welcoming to see than that.

My favorite was from frequent commenter, the Didactic Pirate (go check him out), who wrote,
"Sometimes I think your life is like a really awesome movie -- one I'd pay full price to see." 
Me too, man, me too.

Lest you aim to look like Keith Richards, and let's be honest, nobody wants that.

I have a confession to make, I'm a tad bit narcissistic (but aren't we all?), and I occasionally go through my days wondering what people would think if they were reading my life story in a book or watching it as a movie. Yeah, okay, maybe a little bit more than a tad bit, but whatever, this is why I have a blog, right?

Anyego, I envision that my life's movie would be something of a cross between a quirky rom-com (think 500 Days of Summer, not a Reese or SJP rom-com) and a Judd Apatow movie. And before I ventured into what big stars would play all the various characters in my movie, I took a moment to reflect upon the aspects of my life that would be entertaining enough to actually make it into the movie. And then I was reminded of a snippet of jules' comment,
"(Though I've pretty much give up alcohol in the past few months after some SCARY drunk episodes.)" 
Holy shit, I can totally relate to that. Especially lately.

Back in the day (I'm talking college here, folks), I was quite capable of holding my own when it came to drinking. In fact, it was often said that I could drink any man under the table. I was a kick-ass Beirut partner, and puking usually only occurred the next day, and in a toilet. Post-college, I was still in my prime drinking time (and yes, it does pain me a little to think that I can use those words to describe any part of my life). I was a go-to partner in beer pong (Beirut, apparently, being a regional thing) and would often be one of the last people standing at the end of the night. Unfortunately, those days are long behind me, and as it was so delicately pointed out to me on Sunday, I'm getting older and can no longer hold my liquor (this being just a saying as I did not consume any liquor the previous evening).

Yes, I'm getting older, but there's also another major difference between me now and me then that I neglect to take into account. I was 20, 30, sometimes 40 lbs. heavier back in the day. And of course, weight plays a major role in how much you can drink before becoming intoxicated. This is something that I never think about. I have my own personal issues with weight that I won't bore you with, and the only time the reality of my size ever occurs to me is when I'm clothes shopping and I automatically reach for the size 8s and mediums and later discover that I'm really a size 4 and an extra-small (please don't hate me for this. I'm not bragging. There were times when I would grab size 8s and discover that I was actually a size 14. I have some demons at work inside of me, so please, move on).

Or not. I vote for not. At least until the next time.

So, long story short (Too late! Sorry, that never gets old, or does it? Whatever, I love that movie.), I forget, quite often, that I'm not the same rock star I was in college, or even post-college. I've got to start remembering that my limit now is 6 beers or 1 1/2 bottles of wine or 4 whiskey drinks or 0 shots, and I think I'm okay with that. I also have to remember that I'm no longer drinking cheap, light beers from my college days, and I'm drinking higher quality, higher alcohol content beverages as my tastes for quality beer have evolved over the years (and whiskey. Damn if it doesn't pull me in every time.).

I'm not saying the best of my drinking days are behind me, but hopefully, through acknowledgment and acceptance, I can finally begin admitting to myself that even thought I still look 23, I can't still drink like 23. So, in conclusion, thanks for all the support, thanks for relating to my woes, and thanks for sharing in my misery. You guys are freakin' rock stars.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Cub Scouts are judgy motherf*ers.

- the little pricks. Walking around the metro station like they own the place. Like they've never been gloriously hungover at eleven:00am.

other possible titles for this post were...

Is 30 Too Old for Silly Bandz?

- No. Especially if they're not the real thing and were purchased from a convenience store on the way to a drinking party (like there's any other kind).


At Least My Underwear is on the Right Way

- Which is better than I can manage most of the time. The following is dialogue from an actual conversation that took place. More or less:
"Do you remember puking last night?"
"What? No. In the toilet?"
"Uh, no. Do you remember me putting you in the shower to clean the puke off of you?"
"What? No. And I took my clothes off first?"
"No. I had to undress you."
"But I managed to put them back on so well?"
"No. You didn't. I did that too."


The Four Hour Walk Ride of Shame

- Because somebody left his car keys at Thing Two's apartment in DC, and we weren't made aware of it until we were at Pentagon City, on our way to King Street to transfer to the blue line and then we had to get off and head back up to Mount Vernon Square and then do the whole thing all over again.


The Time the G-Man Left Me Passed Out On a Bench in the Metro Station

- But first I had to convince him that it would be in everyone's best interest to just leave me in the station, because there was no chance in hell I was venturing out in that heat to walk back to Thing Two's apartment. And, yes, yes I would be okay by myself because I am, after all, an adult. And then I curled up in the fetal position on the hard bench and took a nap. Okay, well maybe not the fetal position since I was wearing a dress and there was a weird Asian man next to me and I didn't want him looking up my dress.


Old Asian Men Like Passed-Out, Hungover Chicks

- Why else would the old man try to converse with me when I was obviously trying to snooze. I'm pretty sure my lack of response was only encouraging him to try harder. Why else would he refuse to let up? And how did he know my name?


That Time I Mistook The G-Man for an Old Asian Dude

- Did I mention I was hungover?


I Want to Die

- "You can die once we get to the car."


How Long Does it Take OBG to Eat French Fries?

- About thirty minutes. Because when she's laying down on the bed, with the fries about six inches from her mouth, she'll be tempted to eat them straight from the container, with her mouth, because it would require way too much energy to lift her head up, but she still tries to maintain a certain level of dignity and uses her hands to eat the fries, but this requires that she take a quick power nap between every bite, wherein she forgets she even has fries, and when she opens her eyes after each nap, she is pleasantly greeted by greasy fries staring her in the face, and she thinks, "Ooh, look. Yum, fries."

Yeah so, that was my weekend. How was yours?

Saturday, July 24, 2010

It's Saturday! Let's shop for sales!

I thought I'd mix things up a bit for this Saturday's post.

Let's talk sales. Here's some of my favorite Sale items from some of my favorite shops.

(p.s. These are all under $20)

(I'm not gonna lie, the sale section is kind of weak right now)

(Eh, maybe we should skip the sales today?)

(Normally I'm a Silence & Noise and Kimchi Blue kinda girl. Guess today I'm all Pins and Needles.)

Hope you all are having a great weekend. I'll be out partying later, which means maybe my week will end better than it started. See you in the funny pages.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Tales from the Texting Thumb.

From: The G-Man
Morning beautiful! Want to meet me for lunch today?
Jul 23, 10:28 am

huh? what? where? when? seriously?
To: The G-Man
Sent: Jul 23, 10:31 am

From: The G-Man
R u still sleeping?
Jul 23, 10:32 am

no. but i wish i were
To: The G-Man 
Sent: Jul 23, 10:33 am

From: The G-Man
Ohh..u sounded confused.
Jul 23, 10:33 am

From: The G-Man
I wanted to see if u wanted to meet me here at [place of work] for a sushi lunch
Jul 23, 10:34 am

like, i would have to drive? and shower? but that might disrupt my job searching time...
To: The G-Man 
Sent: Jul 23, 10:36 am

From: The G-Man
Well I wouldn't want to take u away from that... I know how much u enjoy it
Jul 23, 10:53 am

right... so seriously though, it sounds like a lot of work... can't i just place an order to go. and then you can deliver it?
To: The G-Man 
Sent: Jul 23, 10:55 am

From: The G-Man
Jul 23, 10:55 am

why not? it's not like you have anything better to do, right? I mean, hello! I've got a huge "To Do" list going on over here.
To: The G-Man 
Sent: Jul 23, 10:58 am

From: The G-Man
Well...there is the whole work thing
Jul 23, 11:04 am

pffft... work schmork. all the cool people are unemployed these days. so... when again? my tummy is rumbly. i suppose i can drive for sushi
To: The G-Man 
Sent: Jul 23, 11:07 am

From: The G-Man
can you be here noonish?
Jul 23, 11:08 am

uh... not if i need to be clean. which i do. and furthermore, how do i get there and where do i meet you?
To: The G-Man 
Sent: Jul 23, 11:10 am

From: The G-Man
Just come to [place of work]...park in the parking lot at the corner of [such-and-such] st and [so-and-so] ave. U will need id...just tell the guards at the checkpoint you are going to see [company] on [so-and-so] ave.
Jul 23, 11:18 am

okay, im going to have to pass. no way im going to make it since i just began battling the bathtub stopper in an attempt to remove a clog.
To: The G-Man 
Sent: Jul 23, 11:19 am

From: The G-Man
Jul 23, 11:20 am

well yeah, i want to shower first!
To: The G-Man 
Sent: Jul 23, 11:20 am

fine. ill fight the hair clog later.
To: The G-Man 
Sent: Jul 23, 11:22 am

Four hours, one I-95 traffic/incorrect directions incident, and one boring tour of [place of work] later and I finally make it back home. So much for that "To Do" list. I need a nap.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Twelve hours and two torrential downpours later...

... and I'm back in VA. I think it was around hour 8 or 9 that my back started protesting loudly and angrily. But I made it, the car made it, and I have tons of ideas for future posts. Seriously, what else do you do on such a long road trip by yourself. Well, besides the obvious- crank the tunes, dance in your seat and sing as loud as you can. Yes, I'm that person. Laugh all you want but I have fun on my solo road trips (at least for the first 5 hours), plus, it helps to combat fatigue and increases blood flow. Who's laughing now?

Yesterday I posted a series of questions for you to all ponder while I was suffering the horrors of driving. But what am I saying? You were all there, so you know, right? At any rate, I promised to post my answers today (you know, because I'm tired and don't have the brain power right now to write about anything more clever).

Well, here goes... 

* If you have the ability to easily let someone off the hook for something they're sweating over, do you? Or do you think, "Huh, I could tell so-and-so to not worry about it, maybe some other time, however, I'm really curious as to what excuse so-and-so will come up with this time. And furthermore, if this is always so-and-so's idea, and so-and-so always cancels, shouldn't so-and-so be made to sweat over the lame excuses?"
Well, if you're anything like me (and you're probably not, lucky you) you tend to jump to conclusions and assume that so-and-so is hemming and hawing over what excuse to use this time when, in fact, they're just super busy and haven't replied to your text because they were under the impression that you were going to call them (which, after it has been pointed out to you, you vaguely remember agreeing to). So, under this incorrect assumption, you bow out of the plans, citing various lame-o excuses just to save yourself the agony of going through that again, and, in all honesty, you weren't entirely sure it would be in your best interest anyway. And then so-and-so immediately responds to you and expresses their extreme disappointment that you're bailing and tries to get you to change your mind, but at this point, for various reasons, it's too late and then you end up spending the rest of the night (and subsequently, the next day as well) kicking yourself for being such an idiot. {sigh}
* Pennsylvania or New Jersey? PA or NJ? The long route or the aggravating route? PA? NJ?
Pennsylvania. And it actually had nothing to do with trying to avoid NJ. So, yeah.
* Which is more important in life, security or happiness? (I may or may not have recently watched The Wedding Singer)
God, where do I even start on this one? The responsible (and unemployed) adult in me says security (don't judge me, please), however, the romantic adventurer in me says happiness. In a perfect world, we could have both. I'm beginning to believe less and less that we live in a perfect world (I know. Shocking, right?). I've always believed, that above everything else, the most important thing in life is to be happy and live for yourself. Unfortunately, my bank account disagrees with me.
* What's the best music for a summer road trip?
She & Him. TV on the Radio. Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs. The Black Keys. The White Stripes. The Dead Weather. Adele. The Antlers. The XX. The Killers. According to my iPod at least. If the funds were available, there definitely would have been some last minute additions to the list (read: David Byrne, Noah and the Whale and The Kinks). Unfortunately, I did a piss poor job of prioritizing my music purchases before my gift card ran out.
* Do you believe in soul mates? Explain your answer. And furthermore, is it best to have known your soul mate and lost him/her or to have never known him/her at all? (I may or may not have recently watched 500 Days of Summer)
Okay. I've never been a believer in soul mates. Of course, up until a month or so ago I was also in extreme denial of the romantic that lives inside me. I always felt that the idea of soul mates was all a bit hokey. It was my belief that there were no such things, just people that you can get along with. And once you stopped getting along with someone, you just moved on to the next person you got along with (totally un-romantic, I know, but remember that whole denial thing?). Of course, that's probably the child-of-divorce speaking, but whatever. That being said, I may or may not believe in soul mates now. And we're leaving it at that. Oh, and as for the second part of the question, I'm leaning towards having never known, despite what the rest of you think.

There.  Now excuse me while I go and plan out those super kick-ass posts I came up with on my journeys. Or not. In case you haven't noticed, I'm the kind of person who frequently starts things and then never finishes. Or never gets around to starting in the first place. True story. In fact, I have 4 drafts just chilling out, waiting to be finished. Or started.

And of course, since I really hate posting without pics, here's a few from my adventures in Northern NY.

Oh, and one more thing... 

Remember how you I used to regale you with tales of my adventures that were just so shameful I couldn't actually tell you about them? Man it's been awhile since I've had on of those weekends, huh? It may interest you to know that I'll be attending a party in DC this weekend. I am assured that drinking games will be played (wanna come? Seriously? Want to?), which means, I may have fantastic and humiliating stories to tell you on Monday that I will be too ashamed of to tell you about. Yay[]

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Whoopsy! (Is it really only Wednesday?)

Okay, okay, okay, so TODAY I'm finally headed to the freakin' post office and continuing on back to DC. 

I swear, Northern NY is a death trap. A black hole. There are forces at work here that I can't even begin to explain. They throw obstacles in your path left and right and get you so downtrodden that you start to believe that you actually want to stay in this desolate part of the world.

It sure is pretty though. And laid-back and easy-going. And the sunshine sure is warm and inviting. I'm sure it wouldn't be that bad...

No, no, no! I'm jumping in the car RIGHT NOW

Well, maybe after a cup of coffee. That drive back sure will be a doozy.

In the meantime, I have some philosophical (as philosophical as one can be without coffee) questions for you to ponder. 
  • If you have the ability to easily let someone off the hook for something they're sweating over, do you? Or do you think, "Huh, I could tell so-and-so to not worry about it, maybe some other time, however, I'm really curious as to what excuse so-and-so will come up with this time. And furthermore, if this is always so-and-so's idea, and so-and-so always cancels, shouldn't so-and-so be made to sweat over the lame excuses?"
  • Pennsylvania or New Jersey? PA or NJ? The long route or the aggravating route? PA? NJ?
  • Which is more important in life, security or happiness? (I may or may not have recently watched The Wedding Singer)
  • What's the best music for a summer road trip?
  • Do you believe in soul mates? Explain your answer. And furthermore, is it best to have known your soul mate and lost him/her or to have never known him/her at all? (I may or may not have recently watched 500 Days of Summer)
Okay, now discuss. I'm feeling brave and daring and have decided to allow unmoderated comments. Ooh, I am living on the edge.
I'll answer these questions myself tomorrow. Possibly. Assuming I ever make it on the road today. In other words, GO AWAY! I've got places to be. Jeesh.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

RST: Post office and the XX


Random Shit Tuesday will not be seen today.

Why? Because hopefully I've finally gotten my lazy butt to the post office to check my mail. Which I haven't done in about three weeks. I mean, hello[] It's only four-ish hours away (from my current location. Six-ish from my Virginia location).

*Based on the comments I'm receiving, I should clarify this. My post office is four-six hours away because I have yet to change my mailing address or forward my mail since I don't really have anywhere to forward it to. My post office box at my last address in NY is paid for through October, so I figured I would keep it as long as I'm able to pass through the area once a month. Plus, all I really get in the mail are store fliers and other junk mail, so it's not that big of a deal. Sorry for the confusion.*

In the meantime, for your viewing (and listening) pleasure...

See you all back here tomorrow (maybe).

Monday, July 19, 2010

Previously on OBG... 1.6

Although inspired in part by a true incident, 
the following story is fictional 
and does not depict any actual person or event.*
When we last left OBG...
...she had an enjoyable weekend in Alexandria, despite the presence of obnoxious people and hair bugs. She also enjoyed watching horror movies, killing zombies and playing a new video game, which, for the life of her, she can't remember what it was called. Her attempts to create a debate between the pro- and anti-Nicolas Cage camps failed as did her campaign to bring down the tyrannical 1 and !. She also expressed her disgust for all things celebrity and social media related and chose to take a break from reality and traveled to Northern New York for a pseudo-reunion of sorts.

We now join OBG on Saturday evening at "Cobble" where she is hangin' with Twin and some former high school classmates.
Twin: I can't believe my son is three already and my youngest little guy is going to be one in August...
Cess: I miss my gremlins. I wish they could have come with me. Lu is so precocious and Mase is getting so big and Laney is growing up so fast...
A.T.D.: I left the kids at home with Dad. I wear the pants in the family and he's my bitch. He had no choice but to stay home with them while I came out and partied with the girls...
Terra T: Sorry I'm late. I had to wait for the babysitter to show up...
Rye-Dog (pulling photos from back pocket): Did you see the pics of my new baby girl? Isn't she beautiful? Just look at those eyes. Don't they make your heart melt? Yeah, she's at home with the wifey while I'm out for some brews with the guys. I'm probably in the dog house, but...
K.T.: Did you see the blond hair on my little guy? Isn't he so cute? Check out those glasses? He's such a nerdy three year old, but aren't those specs so endearing? Did I tell you about my upcoming nuptials...
Twin: Seriously guys, Benny Bugger is already starting to walk and Owen B'Dowen says the darnedest things. For example, just the other day we were in the kitchen and... 
Cess: Oh my god, you would not believe what Lu said the other day. We were in the car and...
A.T.D.: I can't believe T-Welch couldn't find a babysitter. Actually, I can't believe she couldn't get J-Welch to stay home with the kids. They're his kids too...
Terra T: My mom was so late showing up to watch the kids, but I love that she'll watch them so I can go out...
Rye-Dog: Have you stopped in and seen the wifey and the new baby yet? You really should. Feel free to stop in anytime tomorrow. I won't be there, but she will. No, anytime is good for her, I'm sure...
K.T.: Yeah, I was driving home with the fiance's daughter and I couldn't believe the attitude she had after spending time with her mother, and I told her...
OBG (looking up from her red plastic Solo cup at the circle of people): Damn. Anyone else think these drinks are extremely weak? I mean, is there any liquor in here? All I can taste is soda. What the fuck? 
Twin, A.T.D., Cess, Rye-Dog, K.T., Terra T (Conversations come to an abrupt halt. Blank stares all around).

Next time on OBG...
...will OBG ever have anything in common with her high school classmates again? Did K.T. actually call OBG an alkie? Will OBG ever be able to return home to visit without feeling like the walls are closing in on her? How come the same fuse keeps blowing in OBG's car, and how many times will she have to replace the damn thing before she breaks down and has it looked at? How much longer will OBG's laptop last? Has it really begun to eat her files? If not, where did those missing files run off to? Will it ever stop raining? Will OBG have the energy to drive back down South tomorrow or will she delay her return trip one more day? And how come she never gets to see the people from her hometown that she would really like to see? Will she get the chance to meet up with Pooh, Stormey and/or SMos on her way back through the Hudson Valley and NYC? And furthermore, was there any alcohol in those drinks? I mean, seriously? And how did OBG manage to go to the bar with $50 and leave with $55?

Stay tuned for the next episode of OBG, where all of these questions will be answered. Or none of them. It could go either way.

* I freely used my poetic license for this reenactment. The conversations didn't quite go as I have alluded to here, but this account wasn't that far off the mark either.

Friday, July 16, 2010

If I made a list of every place I've left my panties...

...well, I could add one more place to my list. My sister's bathroom. Lovely. Usually I leave stuff at my family's houses when I leave (a razor, a washcloth, soap). Apparently I'm raising the bar and leaving decidedly more embarrassing things behind when I arrive.

And I really don't want to know who it was that picked my dirty undies up off the floor, folded them, and then placed them on the bathroom counter. Was it my 14 year old nephew? My sister's boyfriend? My sister? (Oh please, dear God, let it have been my sister.) Here's hoping I get out of the house tomorrow without having to see any of them. You know, aside from the hour long car trip with my nephew when I take him to hockey camp in the morning. *Sigh* I mortify myself.
Now imagine these are yellow and white striped with a blue picot trim, the ribbon on front is blue, and take away the eagle. 
Oh and throw in a few rhinestones. Yup! That would the undies in question.

So, in case you missed the memo, I'm in New York for a few days. I intend on having tons of fun with my sisters and nephews. So much fun I won't have time to blog (well, that and I will have no access to high-speed wireless internet. Only *gasp* dial-up!). 

So, have a great weekend and catch you all on Monday. Or Tuesday. Definitely Wednesday. Yeah, Wednesday.

(For the record, I hate the word panties, but underwear didn't quite fit in the title.)

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Writing Workshop Wednesday

List ten things you are currently sick of.
  1. Celebrity "News"- I don't care about Mel Gibson's phone conversations or about Michael Jackson's suspicious death. I don't care about so-and-so cheating on whats-her-name or about Mrs. Lipo divorcing Mr. Botox. I couldn't pick Snooki out of a line-up and honestly, I don't even know if I spelled her name right. The only news I want to hear coming out of New Jersey is that its roads have miraculously repaired themselves, people have learned to drive and it no longer smells like ass-crack. My life is not made any better knowing that Jessica Simpson has gained weight, Britney Spears has no neck, and Jennifer Love is magically thin again. I get it. They're people. They do things. They say things. Shit happens to them. Sometimes these things are good. Sometimes these things are bad. Can we please get over it already and move on to more important things?
  2. Social Media- Ironic, right? Well, it's not helping me any right now. It's not making me feel better about myself. It's not getting me a job. It's not making my thighs any smaller. In fact, it's having the exact opposite effect. I think we might have to break up.
  3. Political Poll Results- Does anyone really place any value on those things anymore? How? Why? Studies are starting to show that polls may no longer be accurately representing the general population as more and more people are becoming cellphone-only users. Pollsters can only poll people who are at home and are on landlines. Who do you know that still uses a landline? My Republican parents do. I'm just saying. For further reading, read this. For those too lazy to read, listen to this.
  4. A/C- Ugh. It dries out my hair, my nose and my skin. It gives me headaches and makes me sleepy. I am sooooo over A/C. Give me the heat, the humidity, a freezer full of ice, a spray bottle and a fan and I am good to go (Hey, it worked when I was younger. We didn't have fancy air conditioning back in them there mountains.)
  5. Cats and everything cat related- There. I said it. I'm sure I'm going to make tons of enemies on this one and possibly lose some followers, but I don't really care (see #2). I hate cats. I don't care about your cats. I don't care to see pictures of cats with corny captions. I don't care that you went on vacation and had to leave your precious wittle kitties behind and you miss them soooo much. And no one else on Facebook cares either. I think cats are stuck-up and icky. And they make me sneeze too.
  6. Vegetables- This one perplexes me. I have always been a vegetable lover. Even when I was a wee child. Broccoli? Yes please. Asparagus? Oh yeah. Brussels sprouts? Green beans? Corn on the Cob? Yes, yes and yes. The more vegetables on my plate, the merrier I be. Except for lately. As in within the past 3-4 months. I can not stand the thought of eating a vegetable. It makes me want to gag. Literally. I get that metallic, I'm about to gag or puke, mouth watering thing going on whenever I think about putting a veggie in my mouth. What the fuck?
  7. LOL, LMAO, OMG, and so on and so on- WTF, people? No seriously, what the fuck? If I have to see one more goddamn "LOL" I'm going to hurt someone. No one in real life says, as a response to something, "Laughing out loud". I mean, imagine how that would play out. BETTY: "...and then I fell up the stairs!" VERONICA: "Laughing out loud." BETTY: "WTF, Veronica?" That isn't even grammatically correct! Who's laughing out loud? Are you laughing out loud, because if you were I'm pretty sure I would know, because I could hear it, because you'd be laughing, out loud, and I have ears. And does it really take that much more effort to write, "That's funny" or "You made me laugh with your witty commentary"? I don't think so. And what the hell does "ROFL" mean, because every time I see it I think you're referencing vomiting but don't know how to spell "ralph".
  8. The radio- In fact, I stopped listening to it. I couldn't even begin to tell you what gets played on it anymore.
  9. Hangovers- Enough already. I get it. Seriously, you can stop bothering me now. I know what you are. I know what you feel like. Move on already. There are plenty of people out there who don't know what you're all about. Go bother them and let me have my productive Sundays back, please?
  10. Adults who watch cartoons- I'm not talking about adults who watch cartoons from their own childhood while reminiscing about Saturday mornings spent in front of the TV with a bowl of CoCo Rice Krispies in their lap. And I'm not talking about adults who have children and get sucked into cartoon watching with them (as an excuse?). I'm talking about adults who watch cartoons with no children present. Like Spongebob. (Adult cartoons being the exception. Like Archer.)

This post was brought to you by...

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

RST: Bugs, Killer Klowns, 1/!, tapas, Nic Cage, NY, and new stuff

It's Tuesday, which means, time again for another Random Shit Tuesday

My randomness...

First off, I totally dropped the ball on this week's Previously On OBG... I really wanted to make it funny and upbeat, and I wanted it to reflect the good weekend I had, but, well, it just kind of fizzled out. I didn't even tell you about the the geeky goth biker chick (yes, it was a very interesting combo) who came into Bilbo's Saturday night. Her get-up wasn't the most shocking part about her. I've certainly seen worse. The part of her that really grabbed Jessapeake's and my attention was her hair. Well, not exactly her hair, which was waist length, thick and sort of snarly, but it was what was in her hair. It was a white bug that we believed to be either a fat worm or a beetle. And it hung out in her hair the whole night. It was squirming and burrowing and trying to fight its way out. It was gross. We felt really bad for the cute chickie next to her because we were convinced that every time biker babe flipped her hair, that bug was going to go flying and land on blondie. It didn't though. That critter was in their deep. 

Oh, and I completely forgot to include these two pics in this week's Previously On OBG... which are from, obviously, Killer Klowns from Outer Space.


I would like to take this moment to bring your attention to a new campaign that I would like to promote, The Anti-1 and ! Campaign. Yup, you heard it here first. The movement to eliminate the number '1' and the punctuation '!' from everyday use. The time has come to end the oppression felt around the world because of the elitist 1 and !.

No more will we suffer from the pressure of being #1. No more will #2 have to look up to and feel second best to #1. And since, as the old adage goes, it's lonely at the top, 1 will no longer be the loneliest number because, well, it just won't exist anymore.

No more will punctuation feel second-rate compared to !. No longer will ! turn it's nose up at the other punctuation (hey, it's not like they had their own perfume). No more will we have to suffer the excessive use of !.

Make a statement without saying a word.
[Insert clever period joke here]

Let's stop the madness people. Abolish the use of these two vicious characters.

Okay, well maybe this movement won't pick up speed. Whatever. I'm all for it. And yeah, it might have something to do with the fact that my 1/! button on my keyboard is busted and I'm tired of repeatedly hitting it, hoping to get something out of it. I'm tired of searching text for a 1 and ! that I can copy and paste. So, if you find that I'm lacking energy or oomph lately, it's not you, it's me. Well, more like my keyboard.


One of my favorite things about living near a big city is trying all sorts of new food. I've done Thai, Ethiopian, Russian, Irish, Sushi, and so on and so on. Well, this past weekend I had the chance to eat at a Spanish Tapas Restaurant in Alexandria, La Tasca. I have truly enjoyed my food adventures, and Spanish tapas is certainly no exception. In case you don't know what "tapas" are, they are small, almost appetizer sized dishes.

* Atun a la Plancha
- Herb-crusted grilled sushi tuna loin, cooked medium rare, and "piquillos" sweet peppers.
* Brocheta de Gambas y Vieras
- Grilled skewer of shrimp and scallops wrapped in bacon.
* Aritos de la Huerta
- Deep fried onion, green and red pepper rings.* Arroz Cremoso de Setas
- Spanish risotto with Manchego cheese, Porcini and wild mushrooms.* Buey al Jerez
- Grilled Angus beef steak slices in a sherry mushroom sauce, served with fried fingerling potatoes.
* Sangria Rosada
- Rose wine mixed with grape juice, strawberries and blueberries.  
Yum! I loved the food. I loved the experience. I loved the Sangria. I wish I could eat like this every day. The service was great. Not too absent but not too present. I can't wait to go again.
Oh yes, yes I would. But with so many menu items, I would definitely want to try all new dishes in the future as well.


I loved watching Fantasia when I was little. Loved it. 

I can't tell you how disappointed I am to learn about The Sorcerer's Apprentice starring Nicolas Cage. NICOLAS CAGE, folks. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I despise Nicolas Cage. I mean, the man doesn't even know how to smile or show any sort of facial expressions. 

 You call that a smile?

And can't he just accept the fact that he's balding and have some dignity when styling his hair? There are plenty of attractive bald men out there. One of the things that makes them attractive is that they have come to terms with their baldness and have embraced it. Think Bruce Willis. Enough with the long, combed-back thinning hair, Nic. Get it cut already. Or buzzed. Who cares. Just accept that you don't have glorious hair and move on. Oh, and the dude can't act either.


I'm headed to back to NY in a day or two for about a week to see a few of my sisters and some old high school friends. I'm super excited, but this means I'll be posting sporadically, and I might be MIA for a few days. While I'm away, may I recommend some reading material to you? Check these 5 good reads out..


Crap. I keep forgetting about this. Here are a few pics of me wearing some new items that I absolutely love. I meant to do a bigger write-up about them, but I keep forgetting, so this will have to do. Sorry for the cop-out. 

My Out of Print tee (and the skirt I've been wearing for a week straight).

Blah. Now enough about me. I want to know what's going on in your life. Got any good stories to share? Been to any yummy restaurants? Try any new food? Get any new goodies that you love?

Previously on OBG... 1.5

Although inspired in part by a true incident, 
the following story is fictional 
and does not depict any actual person or event.
When we last left OBG...
...she was aggravated by job searching (what else is new) but was finding some enjoyment in slaughtering zombies and drinking wine. After a scary brush with death via an alleged intruder scare, she dug out her Taser, loaded it with new batteries and now keeps it on her nightstand (you've been warned). OBG also suffered through a particularly rabid episode of PMS, but no one was harmed (too badly), and life as we know it continues to exist.

After spending a nice, relaxing and peaceful Friday evening alone, drinking wine, watching Killer Klowns from Outer Space, and playing Hexic into the wee hours, we now join OBG on Saturday evening in Bilbo Baggins (again) where she and The G-Man (formerly known as "Gregarious"), are having a couple of beers while they contemplate heading out to watch some unexpected fireworks. They have just received their beers and are about to be seated at the only empty table in the bar...

The G-Man (pointing at the table): Let's grab that table.
OBG: Sure.
Obnoxious Chick who looks like a blonde Mary Alice* (has just walked into the bar with two guys and, upon noticing the empty table, makes a beeline for it, rudely rushing past OBG and The G-Man): Great, an empty table. How convenient. Let's blow past this foolish standing couple with beers in hand so me and my boys men will now be able to rest our fat tired asses as we consume our beverages, which we haven't ordered yet. Because we just walked through the door.**
OBG: What the fuck?
The G-Man: I told you to grab that table.
OBG (shoots angry glare at trio as they sit down).

OBG and The G-Man now find themselves staking out the bar, ready to pounce on some seats that are about to be vacated. They are literally standing behind the soon-to-be empty stools. The people (there are four of them) proceed to pay, get up from their stools, and head towards the exit, momentarily blocking OBG and The G-Man from their now empty stools.

Obnoxious Chick (to one of the two guys with her): Quick. Grab those stools so we can sit at the bar.  
Guy #1 (bolts up from his seat and proceeds to dive onto the stool OBG has her hand on): Oh. (Looks at OBG and The G-Man) Did you want to sit here?
OBG: Uh... yeah. We did.
The G-Man: Why do you think we're standing here?
OBG: Isn't it enough that you totally stole our table?***
Guy #1 (Timidly returning to his table, about four feet away): Oh.

OBG and The G-Man proceed to be seated at the bar, OBG on the left, The G-Man on the right, beers in hand, and return to their conversation. OBG soon feels a tap on her left shoulder.

Obnoxious Chick (pointing at a stool to the right of The G-Man which is presently occupied by the murse of the man seated to the right of the murse's stool): Do you think you can move down a stool so we can have your stool?
OBG (taking a sip from her beer without looking up): No. That stool's takin'.
Obnoxious Chick: Oh.

OBG and The G-Man return to their conversation and beers. OBG suddenly feels a disturbance within her personal space on her left. OBG turns to see what the fuck is going on. Obnoxious Chick, Guy #1 and Guy #2 have succeeded in snagging another stool from another table and Guy #1 is attempting to push the stool into a space half the size of the stool and knocking OBG's stool and her elbow in the process.

OBG (shoots angry glare at trio).
Guy #1 (Showing some fear, to his credit): Can you move over so we can sit?
OBG (Displaying an immense amount of patience, to her credit): No. I can't move over any further. (Proceeds to demonstrate and succeeds in moving her stool far enough over to get her leg stuck between her stool and The G-Man's stool) Fu-uck.
Gregarious (completely oblivious to the going ons to the left of OBG): What are you doing? Here let me move over for you.
In-Head OBG: Gee, thanks. Where were you 30 seconds ago?

Approximately two beers later and numerous snide, sideways stares from the Seat-Stealing trio, OBG and The G-Man have now been joined by SMcG, JMarg, JMarg's parents and brother, and Mr. and Mrs. Jessepeake. SMcG and JMarg are celebrating their recent marriage. Recent as in, it just happened. As in, they literally just walked up from the waterfront where they exchanged their vows with a Justice of the Peace (FYI, but not really relevant: OBG and The G-Man met SMcG through Unfortunate One and have only hung a couple of times together, which is why OBG and The G-Man were not in attendance at the ceremony. In fact, the only people who were in attendance were the ones who just entered the bar). SMcG is currently introducing everyone.

OBG (looks over at The G-Man and notices that he is on his phone. Again.): Are you looking up the fireworks?
The G-Man: What? Oh, no. I'm making arrangements with the guys for hockey next weekend.
OBG: What? Seriously? Is that something you need to do now?
The G-Man: Well I have to start early if I want people to play.
OBG (gestures towards SMcG, who is trying to make introductions): Uh. We're kind of in the middle of something. Isn't that kind of rude?
The G-Man (puts phone away): Oh. Yeah.

Next time on OBG...

...will The G-Man ever learn to keep the phone in his pocket during social situations? Did OBG get to see the fireworks this time? (Editor's Note: She did. Sort of.) How many times did OBG have Marilyn moments while walking over the floor vent at Bilboa Baggins before she learned to hold her skirt down on the way to the bathroom? (Editor's Note: Much to the entertainment of the bar, as the number of beers she consumed increased, her awareness of the vent decreased.) Was OBG's hangover the next day severe enough to keep her from getting out of the house?

Stay tuned for the next episode of OBG, where all of these questions will be answered. Or none of them. It could go either way. But hopefully it will be more exciting than this episode. One can only dream. 

* By no means am I trying to insult Mary Alice. I happen to really like Mary Alice as well as her style. I was merely trying to give you a picture of the Obnoxious Chick.
** Funny story, the girl sitting at the table next to the Seat-Stealing Trio saw the scene go down and snidely asked to the Obnoxious Chick, "You do know you aren't going to get table service, right? You have to go to the bar to order your drinks." I wanted to hug her after seeing the look of disgust on Obnoxious Girl's face.
*** Obviously he didn't get the PMS memo.
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