shhh... it's a secret

Saturday, October 30, 2010

I ♥ Etsy! The Halloween Edition

Shit. When was the last time I did an I ♥ Etsy! post? Oh, right. Back in July. Damn, I'm due. In honor of October, here's a Halloween edition. Or maybe I should call it the Zombie Edition. I do love me some zombies.

With a black licorice scent, these soaps are almost good
enough to eat. By sunbasilgarden

I'm sure it is beyond gross how much I want this shirt.

Pretty much a no-brainer. Heh. Get it?

I'm adding this to my Christmas list
as we speak. By xarata

Yes, please.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

And there will be candy corn.

So, there's this thing this weekend at this place and these people will be there...

...and I guess I will be too. Will you?

(p.s. hitting up H Street after wards! Email me if you'll be out and about!)

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

RST: The one without pictures. In other words, it's visually unappealing.

It's Tuesday, which means, time again for another Random Shit Tuesday

My randomness...

So, in case you've been hiding away and didn't hear earlier, I've moved. Again. If you're keeping track, that would be 3 moves in the past year. 5 in the past two. Here's hoping this one sticks.


Not random at all and totally connected to the above... I'm loving the new place so far. Yeah, it's not at all what I remembered/expected, but that's a good thing. And now I only have a 10-15 minute commute opposed to a 60-90 minute commute. And there is absolutely everything I could possibly need/want right down the road. So when are you coming to visit?


I'm watching Frida right now. This movie A) makes me wish I was a better artist/had more free time to become a better artist 2) Makes me wish I was Mexican (the good kind. If you recall, I'm racist now.) 3. makes me miss being passionate about things. Assuming, of course, that I've ever been passionate about anything


Is it wrong that I envy eccentric artists?


The new place has better lighting. Which means, time to bust out the tweezers. Yowzer.


The weather lately has been GORGEOUS. We're talking 70+ degrees and sunshiny. This, in my opinion, really, truly is fall weather. 


 And that's it for today. Hope you're having a wonderful week.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Why I'm a good person to move with.

Note I didn't say move in with. I would never dare to make such a highly debatable and outlandish claim.
  • I'm highly organized. Which means I label boxes and containers clearly so there's no confusion as to which room they belong (it is not my fault, however, if you don't actually read the labels on the boxes).
  • I kick ass at Tetris. Which means I kick ass at packing. I can fit boxes, bags and ski boots into every nook and cranny in order to maximize space.
  • I never complain about being hungry. Which means you can put me to work all day, and I won't beg that we stop for a lunch break (although you might want to be on the lookout for signs of faintness).
  • I'm a night owl. Which means even though you're passed out on the couch at 8pm, I'll still be unpacking and organizing until 1am (and drinking the beer).
  • I love putting furniture together. Which means I'll have the IKEA TV stand assembled by the time you've caught up on the last two episodes of The Event on Hulu while sprawled out on the couch (or maybe the loveseat because you weren't able to fit the couch up the stairs and it's still chilling in the garage along with the queen-sized guest bed).
  • I can drive a stick shift. Which means I can drive the standard vehicle while you drive the 24' moving truck (thank god, because somebody had to drive my stick shift car).
  • I'm have a great internal clock and concept of time. Which means I'm more realistic when it comes to estimating time frames (like when you say we'll be unpacking at the new place at 2:30pm and we're actually unpacking at 4:30pm, like I predicted).
In short, the move went really well. In fact, it was the smoothest move to-date (aside from being unable to get the couch and bed up the stairs. We were planning on getting rid of those eventually anyway). 

I'm loving the new place so far. And the best part? My commute in to work has been reduced from 60 minutes to 10 and the drive home has gone from 90 to 15 minutes. Lovely.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Who am I kidding?

I wasn't packing the past few days. I was relaxing before I have to do crazy insane packing because my stuff? Yeah, it's been packed up since June because I never unpacked from my last move. And last night I was probably busy watching Fringe and/or Project Runway. Right? Last night was Thursday night? (In present time it is actually Monday night because I'm pre-blogging. Because apparently I'm too busy to blog in present time. What with all the non-packing). All that said, this weekend I will be too busy moving to post, but no one reads on the weekends any ways, right? Right. Check out this moving schedule the G-Man made for us (assuming I can figure out how to copy and paste from Excel):
5:15 AM         Wake Up & Shower
6:00 AM         Eat Big Hearty Breakfast
6:45 AM         Leave for Budget Rental
8:00 AM         Pick up truck from Budget
8:45 AM         Drop Off Car At TH
10:00 AM       Pick Up Stuff from Haddon Ln
11:30 AM       Pick up Mattress from M.D.
12:15 PM       Pick Up stuff From Storage
1:30 PM         Get Lunch to Go
2:30 PM         Start Unloading at New TH!!

Crazy, right? The best part is that I can totally stick to this schedule, but guess who won't be able to? Yeah, the G-Man. I laughed when he emailed me this. This schedule, in my opinion, is very delusional optimistic on the G-Man's part. I'm guessing we'll be unloading around 4:00-4:30pm.
Anyone wanna place some bets?

(FYI- I have no idea what that comic says, but I'm pretty sure by the end of the day, the G-Man and I will be speaking some sort of version of this German.)

Thursday, October 21, 2010

If you can... whatever, you get the idea.

Whoops. I knew I forgot to do something before I got ready to move (see photo).

A few things I'm going to miss when I move out of this god awful suburbia-hell house: 1) the maid service. For real. Granted, it only came twice a month, and they did kind of a shitty job, but damn, I hate cleaning the bathroom. I would be tempted to hire someone JUST to clean my bathrooms. 2) the dog. But not when she needs to go out at 3:30am and I'm the only one home to let her out. 3) Rock Band.

And that's about it. I'd make a list of things I won't miss, but that would take more time than I can spare. Because I'm packing and all, remember?

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

If you can read THIS post...

... yeah, same deal as before. Drunk. I mean, lazy. I mean, busy. Yeah, that's the ticket. Busy. Moving. Er, packing. Moving is this Saturday. Wait, what's today? Is there anything good on TV tonight? Maybe I'm watching TV and not actually packing. Hard to say.

Incidentally, I wish my suitcase was this cool. As it is I just have a lousy duffle bag I picked up at Walmart once upon a time. Back when I used to shop there. Back when I was all sorts of young and stupid. And broke.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

If you can read this post...

... it means I'm too lazy drunk busy packing for the move to post. I'll be back at a later date. Plus I have that work thing to do. Oh, and I also have to study for that teacher test I have to take in order to be able to continue teaching in this here fine state of Ver-ginny. 

(I am not, however, too busy to pre-post posts about being absent from posting because I'm otherwise occupied with not posting. Yes, I am just that cool.)

p.s. This picture isn't too far from the truth. 

Monday, October 18, 2010

Music Monday: A Quickie

I'm currently in the process of moving. I'll be in the new place on Saturday. That has absolutely no relevance to this post, but I wanted to share it anyway.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Tales from the Texting Thumb

ughh... there was just on [sic] gun shot on our street
To: The G-Man
Sent: Oct 12, 10:08 pm

From: The G-Man
That's not good
Oct 12, 10:09 pm

no. it was pretty loud. is it hunting season? sounded like a huntting [sic] season gun
To: The G-Man
Sent: Oct 12, 10:10 pm

From:The G-Man
Oct 12, 10:17 pm

what does THAT mean?
To: The G-Man
Sent: Oct 12, 10:18 pm

From: The G-Man
Even in hunting season u cannot shoot That close to housing
Oct 12, 10:20 pm

or at night, right? pretty sure someone just got murdered. waiting for sirens. look for me waving to you on the news in the am. surely I'll have to miss work.
To: The G-Man
Sent: Oct 12, 10:22 pm

From: The G-Man
Defense not at night.* Lock the door and load my shot gun..there r also serial robbers around
Oct 12, 10:35 pm

* Can anyone decipher the meaning of this for me? I don't get it. Thanks.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Color Me Tragic

I don't make decisions, decisions make me. 

I am practically incapable of making any decisions in my life, and instead I permit life to sort of just unravel and occur around me and then I figure out how to fit myself in to it. 

I don't know what in the fucking hell is wrong with me.

I don't act, I react.

I don't think I've ever been in a situation where my actions weren't just my reactions to given circumstances that happen to present themselves.

I don't think ahead. I don't plan ahead. Shit, I don't even make a lunch for myself in the morning before I go to work because it doesn't occur to me that I'm going to be hungry in five hours. 

I've never planned for the future because I've been too busy surviving in the present.

I wouldn't know what it means to be happy if it stood up and punched me in the face. I understand what it means to be miserable and lonely and sad and depressed. Happy? I don't know if I know what that feels like. Which doesn't mean I haven't tried, I'm just so used to the other feelings and have become so comfortable and familiar with them over the past thirty years I've been on this earth that to be happy would be a push out of my comfort zone.

How does one even attain happiness? How does one even try to attain it? What does it even mean?

Was it that giggly, light-headed feeling I once had? Was happiness that time that I couldn't stop smiling? And that time that I wanted to just... melt? Was that happiness? And if so, how do I ever get that back?

You once called me "tragic". I don't doubt there's truth in that.

I just don't know any other way to be.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

RST: Log-home decor, a good weekend, sub plans, window shopping, bugs, and shit.

It's Tuesday, which means, time again for another Random Shit Tuesday

My randomness...

I'm very excited to be moving in a couple of weeks. If I told you the biggest reason I'm excited is because I can finally have my own space and be closer to work and unpack all my things, well, I'd be lying. Sort of. The biggest reason I'm excited is to finally be able to decorate in my style.

My intention is to plan my decor solely around my ceramic cast Lincoln Logs that I worked so hard on and have been dying to put on display. I would also love to include these frames I found on Etsy. Or at least something like them. I have big plans. 

The place I'm moving into is all white (or off-white), which is something I used to hate, but now I'm kind of looking at it like a blank canvas in which I can add lots of splashes of colors to. Did I mention I'm excited?


I had a pretty good weekend. Saturday night the G-Man, Upstairs Mike and I went into DC to go to Sticky Rice for tater tots and sushi. I've written about Sticky Rice before. Last time I was there I lost my license in the bathroom. I think. Upstairs Mike did a great job of periodically checking to make sure that I still had my license throughout the evening. At any rate, we had about an hour wait for a table for three so we wandered over to The Pug, a bar a couple of doors down, for a couple of beers. 

I really enjoyed this bar. It had that "hole-in-the-wall" kind of atmosphere and a nice selection of classic board games. We grabbed a box of mixed Trivial Pursuit cards and failed miserably at answering them. Seriously, unless it's the Disney version, I suck at that game. I suck at most games, actually, but that's a tale for another day.

At any rate, we eventually got a table at Sticky Rice. As I've mentioned before (I think), Upstairs Mike went to high school with the owners, so we were treated to some free beers and a couple of free sushi specials. This was on top of the bucket of tater tots and five varieties of sushi and PBRs we had ordered for ourselves, so needless to say, we were pretty freakin' stuffed after wards. Not that that prevented us from having a few more with the owners down at the bar. 

We eventually wandered to Rock & Roll Hotel with one of the guys (John? Their names escape me. I mean, I know who Phil is, but I can't remember which one was John nor the name of the other guy). Back to the Rock & Roll Hotel. John (let's pretend this was his name) was able to get us into the show for free because I guess he knows people. For the life of me, I can't remember what band was playing, which is probably a good indication of my opinion of them. They had a few good songs, but then others just weren't doing it. That being said, with enough alcohol in you, any music can sound good.

The enjoyable weekend was continued on Sunday with a splendid trip to IKEA and topped off with Five Guys burgers and fries, a perfect cure for a hangover.

It was a good weekend, folks, a good weekend.


Ugh. Our county is implementing a 6th grade arts assessment this year. I have to go get trained for it on Thursday, which means I have to write sub plans. Double-ugh. I hate writing sub plans. It's really more work than it's worth. And I'm really not looking forward to giving an assessment this year. Triple-ugh.

Finally earning a paycheck again has my window shopping fingers all sorts of giddy and excited. First on my agenda? A wristlet (for those nights out in DC), a new badge reel, and a new lanyard. And of course, some real work clothes that might actually fit me. Also, I'm totally buying myself a new comforter from Anthropologie. I have a feeling that store and I are going to be best buds since we're going to be living just a couple of miles from each other.

I'm convinced bugs have finally had enough and are ready to take back the planet. What with the bed bug epidemic in NYC that is now spreading to other major cities, and with the stinkbug infestation in Northern Virginia, I'd say we're doomed.

Even if you're not, I am. 

Two stinkbugs have already been sighted in my bedroom and since my three housemates travel frequently to far off, exotic locations like Paris and India and, um, Kansas, for work, where they sleep in hotels, I'm pretty much convinced bed bugs will make an appearance on our cul-de-sac pretty freakin' soon.

Shit is going down in the real world of One Blonde Girl. 
Shit. Is. Going. Down. 
I might just have to slip into my big girl panties and grow the f* up. We'll see. Not entirely sure I'm ready for that.
I still think it's easier to run away.

Hope you all have a great week. I'm ready for vacation.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Music Monday


Sunday, October 10, 2010

Sunday Confessions: #4-5



Come forward and step into my confessional booth 
where all our dirty little secrets can be shared.


 Sunday Confessions:
#4-  Sometimes, after all the pickles in the jar are gone, I like to drink the pickle juice. Not all of it. Just a tablespoon or two. I'm only a little bit ashamed of this.

#5- I only pretend to be concerned when my students fall out of their chairs. Inside I'm really laughing and thinking, "Told you so."

Despite my lack of religious proclivity, I believe confession is good for us all. 
What would you like to confess today?

Thursday, October 7, 2010

The Results Are In

Okay, hold on to your tamales, people, the votes are in and the results have been tallied, tabulated, color coded and discriminately validated (What? I watch CNN. I know how these things work.).

Of course, as I'm sure you guessed, I am referring to my Blogger stats.

Yes, I have caved. I have jumped on the band wagon. I am blogging about my blogging stats. Feel free to navigate away from here at any time (I know you only spend an average of 2:25 minutes on here anyways. Google Analytics told me so).

So, without further ado, my measurements number stats (now in color with side boob notes):
Top Ten Search Keywords
!. blondegirl (no surprise there. I am blond)
2. monique montil (who what now? Ohhh... NOW I remember. You all must be just as twisted as I am. Good for you!)
3. one blonde girl (good for you! although I suspect these results may be tarnished by me googling my own blog because I was on a different computer and couldn't remember my URL. Still counts though.)
4. chasing mummies (I like the way you think! Wait, have I ever even talked about "chasing mummies" on here before? I probably should)
5. blonde girl (yawn)
6. caviar (uh-huh... I am all about bringing the class back to the blogging world)
7. cvs locations (now wait just one minute. I am not anymore and never have been a CVS drugstore. Nor can you find one located here anymore)
8. squirrel people (See Monique Montil)
9. "great hopes and massive failures" (the new theme of my life, previously themed "It's only temporary" and "I know you are, but what am I?")
10. "i peed myself" (Um, I thought we were keeping that between you and me?)
NOTE: These results are brought to you by Blogger Stats. Google Analytics results vary slightly and may or may not include search terms like "butt crack", "no underwear", "pee in the woods", and "matt leblanc butt".
Top 6 Referring URLS/Sites That AREN'T Connected to Blogger or Twitter
1. The Sassy Curmudgeon
2. Adventures of a Wayward Duck
3. Sara in Le Petit Village
4. meet me by the water
5. A Vapid Blonde
6. Date me, DC!
NOTE: Thanks all. Your thank you note is in the mail. But not really. I'm out of stamps. Not really. I have plenty of stamps, I just don't want to waste them. Those suckers are getting expensive!
Top Ten OBG Posts
1. RST: Interview, butt crack accidents, Matt LeBlanc, bad drivers, hiking hell, and a note (apparently Matt LeBlanc is still quite popular. Or maybe it was the butt crack)
2. OBG and the MLC (eh, okay)
3. 200 posts later... (and I just realized I had the nerve to include gnarly toe injuries with a pic of my nephew and his 1st birthday cakes. I suck)
4. I'm Watching the Smurfs. Jealous?* (Uh. This one wasn't all that good you guys. Sorry.)
5. It's a Twofer! (the one where I save the planet! Captain Planet would be so proud)
6. Meet Me... In Montauk (whoa. Things got pretty deep here)
7. RST: Glue, crocheted beards, sexism, lanyards, tater tots, and ModCloth love. (with a combo like this, it must be good, huh?)
8. I wasn't going to blog today, but... (Oh right, the one where I have an orange circle on my boob)
9. Cub Scouts are judgy motherf*ers. (One of my favs)
10. Everyone loves a meme. Wait... what do you mean, "No they don't"? (Seriously guys? Seriously?)
And there you have it. For those of you who are left, thanks. For what, you ask? Got me. I guess for reading and liking me enough to stick around for a couple of minutes.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Sneak Peek, Kind of

Tonight (okay, I lied, technically it was two nights ago) I found myself googling "female chest" and "side boob". 
The Sketchbook Project: 2011 No, I haven't ventured over to the other side (give it time), but am, in fact, working on The Sketchbook Project (finally). I now have two solid sketches for my book. They will, most likely, remain sketches. Not because I am incapable of finishing anything (no, certainly not because of that) but because it is, afterall, called The Sketchbook Project, which I think automatically lets me off the hook of having to fully develop and/or complete any idea to its full potential. Right?
And as promised, a sneak peek, which, if you've been paying attention, you've already seen.
Remember, my theme is "Great Hopes and Massive Failures." Or something like that. As you can see, I chose to take a more intimate route to this project, although your suggestions were good as well. I did toss around the idea of creating a comic book-esque Sketchbook with Hindenburg influences. And robots. Of course (remember this sneak peek?). I haven't entirely ruled that idea out yet, but...
Yeah, I pretty much have.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

RST: A Catch-All

It's Tuesday, which means, time again for another Random Shit Tuesday

My randomness...

A while back, I think in August, when I was severely bummed out and kind of (okay, a lot) depressed, I made a personal goal to spend an hour every day doing something creative. I'd been holding on to this "pearl" necklace for years (I'm not sure what I wore it to. A prom? A wedding?) that I decided needed a makeover. I'd seen some really cool ribbon necklaces on some blogs and wanted to try making one. So I headed over to one of my favorite stores, Michaels, and picked up some embroidery thread and ribbon. I didn't use a "How-to" or anything and just chose to wing-it. I was fairly happy with the results, but I didn't really get into the rhythm of the process until about halfway through the necklace, so I think I might redo it at some point in time. I have a ton of "pearls" left-over as well as some lime green ribbon, so I might try out one of my other necklace ideas (assuming I ever find the time). Feel free to click on the pics to enlarge the view. Please ignore my tired eyes in the After pic. It was late.


The book
The goodies
A couple of months ago, Becky Kanaza, from The Fab Miss B, offered a book giveaway for a gently used copy of one of her favorite books, 84, Charing Cross Road. In order to enter, you had to "leave me a comment describing a memorable book, a favorite reading experience or even your favorite local book shop and what made it so special." I left a comment relaying the joy I was having with one of my summer reads, and I ended up winning the giveaway, yay! You can read about it, and my winning comment, here. Becky was quick to send me the book and to my wonderful surprise, she included a few bonus goodie items well, which I love! If you get a moment, check out her Etsy shop, Becky Kanaza. Becky has the cutest wedding cake toppers and Before & After projects.


I've been working on a post for months that just doesn't seem like it's going to come together. I wanted to start featuring Etsy artists on some of my Saturday posts, but after getting my job and trying to adjust to the craziness of it, that ambition quickly fizzled. My first artist was going to be my sister, Shelley. I had typed up a list of interview questions for her, which she very thoroughly filled out. Unfortunately, I just can't find the time to pull it all together. That being said, I still wanted to do a little mini-feature of her work, especially since she just had a very disappointing experience of having a couple of her pieces stolen from a shop carrying her work. So...

Shelley has a Facebook page, a blog (Shelley creates...), and an Etsy shop (SMWArtworks). Shelley currently lives in Pembroke Maine where she and her boyfriend and their two dogs reside in an old farmhouse that they are slowly sprucing up. She collects sea glass from the ocean shores around her home and designs and makes gorgeous sea glass jewelry. She also offers custom charcoal and graphite portraits. Please take the time to check out her blog and Etsy shop. She works very hard and I can't even imagine how heartbreaking it must have been for her to have her work stolen. 

(In case you're wondering... left to right: yours truly, Shelley and our grandfather, Twin)


Hmmm... what else? My driver's license finally arrived from NY so now I can finally hit the bars legally drive again. I can also start working on getting a Virginia State driver's license (moving sucks, but moving to a new state sucks royally). I'm all set up for health insurance, retirement and life insurance. Oh, and I got my first paycheck! Can't tell you how exciting it was to open that up. 


Not the actual kitchen, but similar
I'm moving. I know what you're thinking, "Again?", right? Yeah, again. By the end of October I'll be in a new home, assuming the applications get accepted. It's going to drastically cut down on my commute 4 out of 5 of my work days. We're talking from a 40-90 minute one-way commute to a 5-20 minute commute. I can't wait. Plus, the kitchen's white, and if you recall, I'm dying for a white kitchen. I can't wait to fill it with my ceramic work and give it some other retro styling. The counters aren't ideal, but they're granite, and the house is only temporary (what else is new?) so it will have to do for now.


I received a letter in the mail this week from my graduate school Alma Mater informing me that a book had been donated in my name to the campus bookstore because of my "Outstanding Graduate" status. The book will have a permanent bookplate affixed to it with my name on it (they sent me a copy of it). It might not seem like a big deal, but I think it's super cool and am very excited. It feels good to have my hard work pay off, even if it is in small ways.


Did I tell you I'm finally permanently certified to teach in New York State now? Yup. My certification finally went through, and I can go back there and teach whenever I want. For life. Now to work on this Virginia State one.

I suppose that's enough for my randomness this week. I hope to start posting regularly again now that I'm learning to let go of some control at work and am working on quieting the perfectionist inside me. Hope you're all having a great fall!

Monday, October 4, 2010

Music on My Mind

Because I'm cranky and all sorts of PMS-ey I feel like posting some music vids. It's going to be a rough, rough, emotional week this week, and when I have weeks like this I like to hide away in music.

Oh, and for the record, when someone starts getting a little moody and you ask, "Have you taken your Pamprin today?" be prepared for the Laser Death Stare Perma-Scowl. 

Enjoy the music.

Oh, and if you're of the praying persuasion (which I am not), pray for my students this week. It's going to be a long week.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Sunday Confessions: #1-3


Sunday. The day of rest. Many people spend this day being "productive", doing things like attending church, working around the house, grocery shopping, or gardening.


Well, I can't be bothered with those time wasters as I'm too busy doing other extremely important things. Like sleeping in or recovering from a hangover or watching TV in my pajamas or drinking coffee or boozing it up or fornicating, among many other various good-for-the-soul activities. I admit, being as productive as I am on a Sunday may not seem very restful to the outside observer, however, I assure you, my mind, body and soul finds these sorts of strenuous activities very restful.

In an attempt to further convince you that I take this day of rest very seriously, I have decided to take the Sunday thing one step further. To the confession booth. Despite my lack of religious proclivity, I believe confession is good for us all.

So without further ado, please come forward and step into my confessional booth where all our dirty little secrets can be shared.


 Sunday Confessions:

#1- Sometimes, if we're out of toilet paper, I'll pee while in the shower. Shhh...

#2- I can't stand the use of "LOL". I don't use it, I don't think I have ever used it, and I don't intend on ever using it. In fact, I'm seriously considering un-friending the people who do use it just because I can not stand reading it at the end of every sentence, status update and comment these people type.

#3- One of these days my dirty mind is going to get me into trouble when I take attendance in some of my art classes. Seriously. It has a tendency to turn some names into, uh, well, inappropriate words. For example...
Laiba- My brain turns this into Labia (real pronunciation, Li-ba)
Faiq- My brain turns this into Fawk which isn't a far cry from Fuck (real pronunciation, Fike)
Valeria- My brain turns this into Venereal not, as you might expect, Malaria (real pronunciation, Va-lair-ia)
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