shhh... it's a secret

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Remember When We Used to Get Drunk Together?

Yeah, me neither. But damn! Those hangovers were a bitch, weren't they?

On my way home from work today I was thinking hard about potential blog posts. Usually driving is a great time for me to brainstorm, but lately? Not so much. I've got nothing. Nothing at all. In fact, It's time to take an official hiatus.

So... I'm officially taking a break. I realize I've been on a break for awhile now, but at least by making it "official" I'll no longer feel guilty about not posting. I'm too distracted by all the great things happening in my life right now to give this blog proper attention.

(Yes, this is my actual baby-to-be. Yes, baby-to-be is a girl.)

Do I intend on returning? Who knows? I've got some events and get togethers and time off coming up in the near future, so... maybe. In the meantime, you can still find me writing about the "joys" of teaching art to snot-nosed brats at Art Teachers Hate Glitter, or you can find me and all my new found gushy soft spots for pretty girly things at The Bittersweet Blonde (If you're the kind of person who's interested in baby updates and style and design, this is the place for you). 

'Till next time! Or not.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Wordless Wednesday


DISCLAIMER: Please don't think this is true and get on my case. I'm not a smoker.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

RST: Alfalfa, Oatmeal, Food Poisoning, New Job, and Things I Miss


It's Tuesday, which means, time again for another Random Shit Tuesday

My randomness...

I hate giving this man anymore attention than he deserves, however maybe it's just me, but doesn't it look like Charlie has the same barber as Alfalfa? I can't help but think that every time I see him in a pic with this unfortunate center part (that and, "Man, what a dork."). 


I have yet to master the perfect bowl of oatmeal. It's either too dry and ends up like paste, or it's too watery. One of these days, though. One of these days. I'm determined.


Every time I'm cooking or cleaning in the kitchen, I pretend that I'm in a Goofy How To short circa the 1940s, and I imagine what the narrator would be saying about me. In my case it would be called How To Catch Salmonella in Your Kitchen. The narrator would say shit like, "Notice how OBG  dries her mixing bowl with the same towel she just used to wipe up that spilled egg. Ah yes, her chances of food poisoning are great now."


The G-Man starts a new job in about a week and a half. I know what you're thinking, "Wait, didn't he just get a new job?" Yeah, he did, but that was, like, six months ago, so, you know, it's about time to move on. Actually, as it turns out, there were some sketchy things going on at that new job that the G-Man had been misled/lied to about when he was hired, and it was decided that it would be in his (our) best interest to move on. Don't worry though, it only took him about a month and a half to secure a new job this time, and he only turned done a few outrageously shocking job offers. The G-Man's luck blows my mind. If you can call it luck. I mean, who becomes a Senior Systems Engineer with only a Bachelor's degree in psychology (from a state school, no less!)? The G-Man, that's who. Really though, this new job is a good thing, no matter how much of a hard time I give him about it.


I miss raw sushi and regular cups of coffee and whiskey and wearing my favorite clothes and not gagging on red meat and sleeping on my stomach and eating popcorn for dinner and having an itch-free belly and...


And that's all she wrote, folks.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Previously on OBG... Season 2 Premiere

Although inspired in part by a true incident, 
the following story is fictional 
and does not depict any actual person or event...
except that it does.

Last Season on OBG...
...  New glasses were purchased, Snood was played, there was a hiatus for God only knows what reason (read: probably a hangover), 4th of July was a wreck, bar brawls almost broke out, a bunch of people in a bar talked about their kids, meaningless shit was discussed, hippies were puking in porta-potties, and people were stupid. What does this season have in store for us? Let's find out.

Scene Begins.
We're in the kitchen of OBG's townhouse, around 5:00 pm, on a Saturday night. OBG and the G-Man are on their way to a surprise 40th birthday party. OBG has just finished whipping up some appetizers, has removed the Brie en Croute from the oven, and is about to put the hot plate of golden cheese stuffed bread onto the serving platter when she notices something unusual. The G-Man is poking holes in the aluminum foil covering the mushroom turnovers. The act of hole poking isn't so unusual as it is beneficial for allowing the release of built up steam, thus preventing the turnovers from becoming soggy, but what is so unusual is that the G-Man has taken it upon himself to poke the holes without being asked to (OBG was about to do it after she dealt with the Brie en Croute). Thoroughly impressed, slightly taken aback and a tad bit distracted, OBG proceeds to move the plate of Brie to the serving platter.

With a sudden clatter, the plate of Brie finds it's way back to the stove top as OBG, with tears streaming down her face, proceeds to nurse the burned fingers on her right hand. But not before putting the pot holder she was holding in her left hand down on the counter.

End Scene.

This Season on OBG...
... What will this season bring for OBG? Will a new home, a new town, and the presence of new people bring exciting and interesting experiences for OBG (Ed's Note: Probably not.)? Will "pregnancy brain" and the impending birth of a baby have any impact on OBG's everyday life (Ed's Note: Probably)? Did OBG really leave her house and attend a surprise birthday party in her bedroom slippers (Ed's Note: Yes she did.)? And with alcohol off the table, will OBG's weekends be exciting at all? Will the audience even care? Is this the season OBG jumps the shark (Ed's Note: Apparently the introduction of new characters has that effect)? With all these Editor's Notes, do we even need to tune in for the next episode (Ed's Note: ...)?

Stay tuned to find out the answers to at least one of these questions and to the questions you never even knew you had.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

The Pros and Cons of Being Knocked Up (and I don't mean in the British sense)

Pro: I don't have to worry about whether or not the scant number of tampons left in the box will get me through this month's "visit".
Con: I'm pretty sure the bloody mess at the end of this ride will more than make up for it.

Pro: No more tumultuous and psychotic PMS.
Con: I now cry at the drop of a hat. Or the fall of a student. Or while I'm standing in front of the pantry trying to figure out what to bring for lunch. Or during commercials. Or TV shows. Or upon receiving texts. Or when my Kindergartners just won't SIT DOWN AND GET TO WORK AND STOP CALLING MY NAME OVER AND OVER AGAIN. You get the picture.

Pro: A medically valid reason for gaining weight.
Con: After spending half my life trying to either maintain or lose weight, a guaranteed progression of weight gain is kind of hard to accept.

Pro: Food cravings. Especially the ones for healthy things, like fruit.
Con: Food cravings. Especially the ones for fruit flavored candy. And chili dogs. Mmmm... chili dogs... (which, by the way, I never ate before becoming knocked up).

Pro: Bigger breasts.
Con: Bigger breasts.

Pro: A slow down in hair growth on parts of my body that aren't the top of my head.
Con: Who am I kidding? This doesn't have a con.
Pro: People seem validly concerned about my health and well-being.
Con: The increase in attention and question slinging directed my way.
Pro: Having an excuse for being tired/lazy/energetic/cranky/angry/whiny/happy/joyful/bitter/antisocial/stupid/clumsy/forgetful/tearful/giggly
Con: Actually being all of those things. In one day.
Pro: Having loose, relaxed muscles.
Con: Repeatedly dropping platefuls of food on the floor that I just spent many minutes preparing in order to calm my growing, raging hunger.


24 more weeks to go.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

RST: Clothing Woes, Spidey, Beano, and Sheen-Oh (aka The lamest RST ever)


It's Tuesday, which means, time again for another Random Shit Tuesday

My randomness...

One of my "favorite" games to play lately is Does it Still Fit? The "not a chance" pile keeps getting larger. Looks like someone is going shopping this weekend. *Sigh* (And if you don't understand this, you obviously missed this post.)


I briefly (as in a few weeks) had a housemate who was interning with the company that was building the set for the Spiderman Broadway musical last summer. Interestingly enough, he informed us that a production like Spiderman was never meant to be a success so that after it bombs on Broadway, they can immediately take it to the road. Too bad it has yet to really make it to Broadway and it is already bombing. Poor Spidey.


I never, ever, ever thought I would have to purchase a product like this. At least, not for another 20 years or so, but I have to admit, I don't go anywhere without my Beano right now. I'm so grateful for it (and those who work with me should be as well).

Seems this "condition" of mine comes with some wonderfully fun "side-effects". (Oh, and dear Twin of mine, SHUT UP! I'm not talking to you anymore, because I know, you didn't have to go through any of this. You suck.)


Good God, can Charlie Sheen just overdose already and get out of the spotlight? What a self-important, ego-maniac.


And that's it. I've got nothing else. Except a headache. Talk about the lamest RST ever. 
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