shhh... it's a secret

Monday, July 19, 2010

Previously on OBG... 1.6

                  
Although inspired in part by a true incident, 
the following story is fictional 
and does not depict any actual person or event.*
        
When we last left OBG...
                 
...she had an enjoyable weekend in Alexandria, despite the presence of obnoxious people and hair bugs. She also enjoyed watching horror movies, killing zombies and playing a new video game, which, for the life of her, she can't remember what it was called. Her attempts to create a debate between the pro- and anti-Nicolas Cage camps failed as did her campaign to bring down the tyrannical 1 and !. She also expressed her disgust for all things celebrity and social media related and chose to take a break from reality and traveled to Northern New York for a pseudo-reunion of sorts.

We now join OBG on Saturday evening at "Cobble" where she is hangin' with Twin and some former high school classmates.
Twin: I can't believe my son is three already and my youngest little guy is going to be one in August...
Cess: I miss my gremlins. I wish they could have come with me. Lu is so precocious and Mase is getting so big and Laney is growing up so fast...
A.T.D.: I left the kids at home with Dad. I wear the pants in the family and he's my bitch. He had no choice but to stay home with them while I came out and partied with the girls...
Terra T: Sorry I'm late. I had to wait for the babysitter to show up...
Rye-Dog (pulling photos from back pocket): Did you see the pics of my new baby girl? Isn't she beautiful? Just look at those eyes. Don't they make your heart melt? Yeah, she's at home with the wifey while I'm out for some brews with the guys. I'm probably in the dog house, but...
K.T.: Did you see the blond hair on my little guy? Isn't he so cute? Check out those glasses? He's such a nerdy three year old, but aren't those specs so endearing? Did I tell you about my upcoming nuptials...
Twin: Seriously guys, Benny Bugger is already starting to walk and Owen B'Dowen says the darnedest things. For example, just the other day we were in the kitchen and... 
Cess: Oh my god, you would not believe what Lu said the other day. We were in the car and...
A.T.D.: I can't believe T-Welch couldn't find a babysitter. Actually, I can't believe she couldn't get J-Welch to stay home with the kids. They're his kids too...
Terra T: My mom was so late showing up to watch the kids, but I love that she'll watch them so I can go out...
Rye-Dog: Have you stopped in and seen the wifey and the new baby yet? You really should. Feel free to stop in anytime tomorrow. I won't be there, but she will. No, anytime is good for her, I'm sure...
K.T.: Yeah, I was driving home with the fiance's daughter and I couldn't believe the attitude she had after spending time with her mother, and I told her...
OBG (looking up from her red plastic Solo cup at the circle of people): Damn. Anyone else think these drinks are extremely weak? I mean, is there any liquor in here? All I can taste is soda. What the fuck? 
Twin, A.T.D., Cess, Rye-Dog, K.T., Terra T (Conversations come to an abrupt halt. Blank stares all around).

Next time on OBG...
                        
...will OBG ever have anything in common with her high school classmates again? Did K.T. actually call OBG an alkie? Will OBG ever be able to return home to visit without feeling like the walls are closing in on her? How come the same fuse keeps blowing in OBG's car, and how many times will she have to replace the damn thing before she breaks down and has it looked at? How much longer will OBG's laptop last? Has it really begun to eat her files? If not, where did those missing files run off to? Will it ever stop raining? Will OBG have the energy to drive back down South tomorrow or will she delay her return trip one more day? And how come she never gets to see the people from her hometown that she would really like to see? Will she get the chance to meet up with Pooh, Stormey and/or SMos on her way back through the Hudson Valley and NYC? And furthermore, was there any alcohol in those drinks? I mean, seriously? And how did OBG manage to go to the bar with $50 and leave with $55?

Stay tuned for the next episode of OBG, where all of these questions will be answered. Or none of them. It could go either way.

* I freely used my poetic license for this reenactment. The conversations didn't quite go as I have alluded to here, but this account wasn't that far off the mark either.

6 comments:

Krista said...

Because you stole my money, Bitch! :-) Just kidding.

I love that KT "said" 'endearing' and 'nuptials'. LOL.

Poetic license indeed! Who didn't you get to see?

You are funny.

hiphophippie.com said...

Nothing I hate more than a weak drink. And whoever doesn't agree with us is just lame.

Leaving with 5 extra bucks is pretty magical though. Might even out the weak drinks...maybe? Tough call.

One Blonde Girl said...

@ Krista- Hey, you got it back. And she really did say something similar to that. Alright, so not in so many words, but... And I would love to see the people I actually hung out with in high school. But those people never make it or don't care to make it back.

@ HHH- Lame indeed. Hey, free drinks are great any way they're made. I guess.

Didactic Pirate said...

This is why I never tell stories about my kid to friends when we meet for drinks. Cuz yea, it's annoying to hear someone talk about his/her Cute Sweet Precious Darlingest Child all the time. Even if you have kids yourself. Your friends will learn this sooner or later.

In the meantime: drinks are on me!

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

weak drinks are the suck!

kimberly montoya said...

ughhh, this is happening all around me. thank god for my unmarried, childless friends. ----and puhlease, i can't believe that one friend called you an alkie. i would have had words with her. you are a better person than i am.

be happy we can enjoy alcoholic beverages because we know that at any moment we won't be knocked up.

cheers

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