shhh... it's a secret

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

World peace can be obtained by curing PMS. I'm a genius.

You know, that way men won't have to keep coming up with excuses to get out of the house during that time of month.
"Sorry, honey. I would love to sit here and listen to you berate and belittle me, but in case you didn't notice, there's a war going on. I'm fighting for your freedom, after all. Well, not yours, because you're a woman and technically speaking, you belong to me... What...? Why...? What are you doing? Put down that red-hot fire poker. Okay, okay, I'm leaving. I'll see you in 18 months. Unless I die (oh, please, dear god, let me die). Love you!"

Well, the world is safe once again. I was able to find some PMS meds yesterday. Granted, it required going out to a Target in, well, I'm not really sure where I was. I do know that I've never been in a sketchier Target before though. It was like I was in Walmart or something. Either they (this particular Target) are closing up shop or they're doing a huge remodel, whatever, but the place was a wreck. Oh, and everything was on clearance. 

At any rate, I found my drugs. People need not die now. Feel free to send Target a letter of appreciation for saving your lives.

On a very similar note, and really, the whole point of this post, have you ever really read the boxes these happy, pretty pills come in? Well, I did. Luckily for you, you don't need to. I took the liberty of highlighting some items of note. You're welcome.

Hope you're all doing your best to beat the heat! I'm off to do some more job searching. *sigh*


Midwestern Mama Holly said...

I no longer have PMS thanks to the hysto Im pretty much on full tilt bitch all the time. I really miss being able to blame it on PMS though.

Jersey Diva Mom said...

That's hysterical! Enlarged prostate? WTH?

Didactic Pirate said...

Drugs on clearance sale? Effing awesome. I may have PMS and not even know it. I do have a headache, and a backache. And I'm definitely irritated. And feeling a little of the bloat. Can guys take this stuff without getting irreparably damaged? Cuz if so, I'm in.

One Blonde Girl said...

@ Jersey Diva Mom- Got me. Some dude with an enlarged prostate must have tried using this once, right? So now they have to advise ALL men against it, I guess.

@ MMH- I think they make drugs for "full tilt bitch" too. I think it's called Xanax.

@ DP- Is your prostate gland enlarged? Are you pregnant or breastfeeding? Are you willing to commit to consuming 3+ alcoholic beverages a day? I'm not doctor, but I think you're good to.

The Fab Miss B said...

Oh man. Too funny. I think you may also enjoy this site, designed to warn men when their lady might turn into a demon from the pit of hell via surges of hormones:


One Blonde Girl said...

@ The Fab Miss B- How come more people don't know about this? Brilliant!

Krista said...

That site is the funniest thing I've seen all day. Brilliant!

Steve G. said...

Maybe too many people are taking Bill Cosby's advice - On "The Toothache", a track from Why Is There Air?, he talks about taking Midol to relieve a headache.

Patricia said...

Man, I gotta move to the states, they really pump out the good stuff there huh? and you can have 3 drinks with this stuff? that's awesome i can't even endure three drinks on a good day let alone all hopped up on anti blood clot/ anti bitching medicine...this sounds great! i think you can pretty much cure everything with a pill now a days!
good luck in the job, you sure are having a tough time of it **sending you luck and fairy dust for the perfect job that fulfills you***

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