shhh... it's a secret

Friday, June 11, 2010

OBG and the MLC

I'm curious. Is 30 to young for a mid-life crisis? I mean, I know I don't have the kids and the house and the grueling job that most people have when they experience the MLC. And I'm not male and married to a nagging wife who's let herself go, but still, I feel like I'm experiencing one right now.

A long time ago, back in the day, when I was a senior in high school, I had an epiphany of sorts. You see, I had been dating this guy since my sophomore year, and when I was a senior, he was a freshmen in college. I anticipated that this would be devastating, and I would be wrecked, but on the contrary, it turned out to be the best year of my high school career.

Despite the fact that our moms believed we were the perfect couple, and so cute, and were made for each other (gag), we chose to go our separate ways. Actually, I'm pretty sure this was my decision and he didn't have much say in it. But, hello! He was in college! He should have been out living it up, not driving home every weekend to see me

At any rate, for the first time in my high school career, I was sans boyfriend. It was wonderful. I loved it! I didn't have to worry about eating lunch with him every day, or what we are going to do that evening or that weekend... It was great. I was hanging out with my girlfriends more, I had a real social life again, and most importantly, I felt FREE! I was an independent woman and I loved it! 

That was the year I decided I wanted to be an independent woman when I grew up. Of course, life being the way it is, things didn't quite turn out that way, but we'll get back to that in a moment. First, I'd like to introduce you to the independent women I idolized, envied and wanted to be when I was growing up:

played by the lovely Jenny Lewis (yes, that Jenny Lewis)

I loved Haley's spunky attitude and the fact that she was just as tough (if not tougher) than any guy I knew. And she really knew how to take control of a situation. For example...

And now I totally want to watch this movie right now, because, hello! It was awesome! And let's not forget that Jenny Lewis was in it, and Christian Slater, and you know how I feel about him.

from The Cosby Show
played by the lovely Lisa Bonet

By far, the coolest Cosby kid (aside from Theo, of course. Remember the episode in which he got his ear pierced? Too funny.). I loved Denise's free-style and independent thinking. Her clothes rocked, her hair rocked (well, not necessarily in retrospect, but at the time), and she had the spunkiest little stepdaughter. And did I mention how cool she was?

from The Wonder Years
played by the lovely Olivia d'Abo

Karen made very few appearances on the show, but her hippie ways struck a chord with me. And I can totally forgive her for marrying David Schwimmer, even though he was pretty much a dweeb back then too.

Jane, Holly and Robin
from Boys on the Side
played by Whoopi, Drew and Mary-Louise

Minus the whole dying of AIDS and lesbian thing, of course. But after watching this movie, what woman didn't want to jump in the car and just drive?

Okay, now back to my story. 

So, long story short, High School Sweetheart and I got back together at some point in time. I went off to college to pursue my dreams of independence, and somewhere along the line, my rationality took a vacation, resulting in me transferring to the college my HSH was at and thus extending what had become a horribly toxic relationship for another year or so. 

Seriously, we should have buried that relationship when we broke up my senior year. I'll admit it, I probably stuck it out for his family (he probably stuck it out for the sex. I'm not gonna lie, he wasn't getting much before me, or probably after me either, although I know he's in a relationship now, which is great. I'm really happy for him. No, really, I am. We were never a good match. He was so... vanilla). I loved his family. They were a real family. Mother, father, sister, brother. No dog though. And his mother could cook! She was an awesome cook. *Sigh* The things we Broken Homers do to feel normal...

Any way, after we finally did break up, I found myself bouncing from relationship to relationship until I met Gregarious. Fast forward nine years (yes, nine) to me finding myself sitting at a Fourth of July picnic in... Virginia, totally loathing the people around me, resenting Gregarious for dragging me to VA, and hating myself for where my life had brought me. 

So, like all good Broken Homers who find themselves in situations they aren't quite pleased with, I panicked, turned tail and ran. Cuz that's what we do. We split when things get tough. Which is why I now find myself in NY.

At any rate, it's been 12 years since my senior year, and since I've been in grad school, the reality of how I've been living my life (or not living it) has struck home. I seem to be having a moment of panic where I'm realizing that I might never be that independent woman I dreamed of being, who is free to wander the world as she pleases. Which brings me back to my original question...

Is 30 too young for a mid-life crisis?


Writing Womb said...

Hey there! Nope, you are not having a mid-life crisis, you are having something called a quarter life crisis which apparently starts in late 20's and bleeds into the early thirties. I read this great article that is so insightful and really explains a lot about what you and I are going it and let me know if it helped. here's the link

Sandy B said...

Hey- I found you via Una and your comment on her post. Just read this post and you're damn funny.
and second, DO IT. whatever it is you are dreaming of, DO IT. You can always be the independent woman your 17 year old self wanted to be. If not now, then when?
THIRD, i'm not a new age guru or some crap. I'm not usually all touchy feely, but I feel ya.
if you don't like my advice, well suck it then
now i'm off to read more of your blog...

It's All A Bit Random said...

I do not in any way find it too young. I have the husband and kids and am in a similar state of MLC. It's a dismal state in which to be and I fancy myself a need for change.
Kudos to you though because it seems you have at least experienced the parts of life most don't. You went to college - I so wish I had done this but found myself pregnant at 19 by later to become the HSH turned husband.
You've moved. I live approximately 25 miles from where I grew up.

MLC here I COME!

One Blonde Girl said...

@ Womb- As always,you're right on. That article was very helpful and insightful. Thank you so much for sending it to me.

@ Sandy B- Thanks for coming by and I'm glad you find me funny. And thank you for the encouraging words (I promise not to judge you for them).

@ Bit Random- It's never too late to go! You should read the article Writing Womb posted above. It's very informative. Good luck!

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

By the W/V was "suckyu". You can't make that shit up.

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

You know...I still have my 18 year old brain although my body is 18x2 and I wish i free again like I was back then...and sometimes I don't. There's a lot of stupid shit we all did then that we were either
a) lucky to come out alive from
b) NEVER want to do again.

But, to be able to run my day based on what I want to a dream that has passed..and it is sad. BUT, it is not a midlife crisis. When we buy the convertible and run away with the pool boy...then we can call it a midlife crisis. I'm just glad you're in NY. We are a band of misfits..aren't we...LOL!

Didactic Pirate said...

It's never to early for your first mid-life crisis. I'm expecting one any day now. It's gonna be AWESOME. I'm already thinking about which ridiculous, overpriced, impractical, cherry-red, foreign Penismobile I'm going to buy when mine finally hits. My wife's really looking forward to it too.

Great blog. I'm now following you. (In the reader way, not the stalker way.)

Tanya said...

So. I totally think you can have a mid-life crisis at 30. I'm 20 and sometimes feel like I am having one, but then I realize I'm just kind of crazy at times!!
Independent is fun, but at times hard! Keep it up!

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