shhh... it's a secret

Thursday, June 3, 2010

JCrew is the reason I have no job

I'm job searching this week. I mean, seriously, I am. No really. Kid you not. I am.

Job searching is not only excruciatingly time consuming, it is also excruciatingly painful. It's almost like having a full time job. Except nobody pays you. And you can job search in a ratty old thrift store tee with salsa dripping down the front of you. While sitting in a bed that may or may not have wet coffee spots on it. And tortilla crumbs slowly exfoliating your bare ass because it's impossible to sit Indian style on your bed without your denim skirt migrating up around your waist.

Wait. Where was I? Oh, right. Job searching.

So, I'm an art teacher. I've pretty much exhausted my search options for art teaching jobs and have applied for pretty much all of the few measly open positions that I can apply for (well, ones that don't require me to move ten states away or work in the ghetto. I'm not that desperate yet. Or am I...?). 

I've pretty much resigned myself to the notion that my next job will, most likely, not be as an art teacher. Therefore, this week, I'm bound and determined to find myself a (temporary) position in another field. This requires me to determine what I am and am not willing to do for work. (FYI, I'm pretty much capable of doing any job. It's true. You can hate me if you want, but I'm probably one of the most adaptable people you'll ever meet. When it comes to jobs anyway. I have yet to hold a job that I've been bad at.)

Oh, so you might not know this, but I have adult ADD tendencies, which is related to this post, I swear, but which also resulted in me doing a search for adult ADD tests. As in, right now. As in, I just did it. I took four tests, because, hey, you always get a second opinion, right? Couldn't hurt to get a third and a fourth as well.

The first test gave me a score of 80 (I don't know what that means) but it had this to say:
It is highly likely that you are presently suffering from adult attention deficit disorder, according to your responses on this self-report questionnaire. You should not take this as a diagnosis of any sort, or a recommendation for treatment. However, it would be advisable and likely beneficial for you to seek further diagnosis from a trained mental health professional immediately.
And then it gave me this fun little icon (which I had to tweak, because apparently they can advise me on my mental state but not write proper code) to post on my web page just so others can see how wacko I am.

In case you're curious, the same website offers a whole slew of other I-think-I-might-be-crazy "tests" to take as well. (I think my favorite is the, "Do I Need Therapy? Quiz". Chances are, if you're on the site, you do. I, apparently, do not though.) I'm not gonna lie, I took a few of them. You will not be seeing those results.

Hold on. You're going to have to wait a minute for the rest of the test results. I have a gazillion JCrew sale tabs open that I'm getting tired of scrolling through to get to the ADD tabs. I need to go close some. Oh, incidentally, did you know JCrew just added new summer looks to their sale? Uh, they did! Which they so kindly told me about while I was checking my email to see if I had heard back from any potential employers yet (I haven't, in case you were wondering.).

Where was I? Oh, test results! Dang it! I haven't closed those tabs yet! Whoa! They have so many tees and tanks on sale that I want!

Hmmm... well, the second test gave me a 78, which is funny, because it was the same exact test as the first, just on a different site. The score discrepancy could possibly have something to do with the fact that after I discovered the test was exactly the same, I no longer had the patience to take it and just randomly selected answers. This one however, did not give me a cool icon to proudly display my wacko-ness. 

The third was a pdf file. Pdf files piss me off because they take forever to open and inevitably fuck-up my browser. And it wasn't so much a test as it was a checklist. And I'm pretty sure the website tried to give my computer a virus. Which is why there's no link for it.

The fourth was more or less a checklist with 25 symptoms, but was more entertaining to read. If you experience more than 10 things on the list, you most likely have adult ADD. My score was 14.

Alright, moving on. Job searching... right! So, it's like a full time job, I mean, it takes ALL DAY to job search and at the end of the day, I've only applied to one or two jobs. But wait, that's not the direction I wanted to go with this post. What did I originally start out talking about? Oh, right, what jobs I am and am not willing to do.

Oh god, that sounds like it's going to be awfully time consuming and tedious to write about. How 'bouts we all pretend this post made sense and that I provided you with deep, informative information of my future career choices? 'Kay? Thanks. 


Anonymous said...

If you get a job at JCrew, will you get me a discount on their shoes? Because I love their shoes and I want to buy them but they are so expensive!

Wait. Oh. And aren't MOST art teachers ADD?

McGriddle Pants said...

I can't believe you answered all those questions! I think my ADHD would prevent me from doing half of that!!

Erin said...

Fantastic. I totally have ADD and didn't even know it.

One Blonde Girl said...

@ Jules- One of my sisters once dated a guy whose aunt worked as some sort of director at JCrew. I was so jealous. Aren't their shoes great? But so freakin' expensive! Oh, and I'm pretty sure ADD is a prerequisite to becoming an art teacher.

@ McGriddle- Well, I think there were only like, 17 or something like that.

@ Erin- You are welcome!

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