shhh... it's a secret

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

RST: COBRA, English muffins, on hold, The Smurfs movie, checking acct, and new glasses

Thanks to McGriddle Pants, it is once again, Random Shit Tuesday!

My randomness...

As an unemployed individual, $133 a month for health insurance is good right? With dental and vision. So, I should probably sign-up for COBRA, right? I should. I know I should. $133 is a damn good deal. Now I just have to figure out how to come up with $133 each month...


I love English muffins. Love 'em! Especially when I push the toasting right up to the point when the edges start to toe the line of being golden brown and becoming burnt. And then the English muffin is all sorts of crispy and soft with all sorts of yummy nooks and crannies for my butter or jam to melt into. Yum.


Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order in which it was received. Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order in which it was received. Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order in which it was received. Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order in which it was received. Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order in which it was received. Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order in which it was received. Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order in which it was received. Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order in which it was received.

Okay, now imagine listening to that for 15 minutes while trying to get through to the NYS Office of Teaching Initiatives. That's what I did when I had to call to check up on my permanent certification application so I can hopefully receive reciprocity in another state and get a job. (For more on my joys of job searching/suffering as a substitute, read Friday's post, unless you already did.) I was actually pleasantly surprised that it only took 15 minutes to get through. Those people are notoriously impossible to get a hold of. I was also pleasantly surprised when they pushed my application through right then and there. Guess it pays to pick up the phone.


Why can't people just leave well enough alone? 

Of course, I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. Yup, that's right, this travesty...

Yup, that's right. The Smurfs in 3D. Good God, is nothing sacred anymore? I mean, I'm all for retro and reminiscing about our childhood, but I personally think this is going just a little too far. I mean, they already ruined Garfield and Scooby Doo, but now The Smurfs? I guess I wouldn't have such a problem with it if they had stayed true to the original cartoon, but here's what IMDb gives as the plot summary:
When the evil wizard Gargamel chases the tiny blue Smurfs out of their village, they tumble from their magical world and into ours -- in fact, smack dab in the middle of Central Park. Just three apples high and stuck in the Big Apple, the Smurfs must find a way to get back to their village before Gargamel tracks them down. Written by Columbia Pictures
Maybe it won't be too bad. I mean, The Muppets Take Manhattan wasn't so bad, right? And I'm pretty sure Hank Azaria will be a phenomenal Gargamel.

I'm kind of impressed with the rest of the cast as well. Some notable voices lent to the film are:
Papa Smurf- Jonathon Winters (voice-overs for The Pound Puppies, the original Smurfs, and other classic cartoons)
Smurfette- Katy Perry (apparently her acting debut)
Gutsy Smurf- Alan Cumming (I loved him in Tin Man but he also played Nightcrawler in X-Men)
Baker Smurf- B.J. Novak (The Office)
Jokey Smurf- Paul Reubens (uh, Pee Wee Herman, duh)
Grouchy Smurf- George Lopez (not sure how I feel about this one...)
Brainy Smurf- Fred Armisen (SNL)
Greedy Smurf- Kenan Thompson (also SNL)
Vanity Smurf- John Oliver (The Daily Show with John Stewart)
Handy Smurf- Jeff Foxworthy (This one actually bums me out because I used to have a crush on Handy Smurf, as much as a five year old can have a crush on a cartoon character, so this is disappointing. I mean, wasn't Clive Owen or Gerard Butler or Eric Bana available?)
Chef Smurf- Wolfgang Puck (What the F? Well, okay)
Hefty Smurf- Gary Basaraba (Whosit whatsa now? Never heard of him.)
So, I'm still kind of on the fence on this. On one hand, bringing the Smurfs to NYC seems pretty lame to me. On the other hand, I'm impressed with the cast (although dismayed that they're all brunettes, I mean, I know they're only lending their voices, but still. Just saying.) Oh, and Neil Patrick Harris is also in it as some dude who befriends the Smurfs, so maybe this has potential? I don't know. 

What are your thoughts? Do you agree with the casting? Any better suggestions for casting? 

And where's Dreamy Smurf? And Harmony? And Painter and Poet and Actor? You know what? Go check out the original list of characters here.


I have a huge fear of checking the balance of my bank account. Not because I'm afraid of how little money will be in there, but because I'm afraid there will be more money in it than I expected. I always run on the assumption that I have very little money in my checking account, thus hindering me from making any purchases beyond the necessities (food, gas, beer).

However, the moment I discover I have more money than I thought I had, well, then my brain gets giddy and is all like, "Yay! Free money!" And then I go on a mini-spending spree. You know, I hit the mall, peruse the clearance racks, and buy a t-shirt for $7.99 and a pair of jeans 70% off for $15.99?

Yeah, watch out,  I am out of control!


I wasn't going to do this, because I thought this post was long enough already, but I have other shit planned to post for the rest of the week, so please, allow me to bitch about my glasses. 

I picked up my new glasses the other day and I learned a very important lesson. If you're going to get a drastically new haircut, do so before picking out new glasses. Otherwise, the glasses you selected that were proportionate to your fat head and were selected to make your round, fat head look, well, less round and fat will no longer suit your new face which was made smaller and less round by your new haircut. Case in point (I can't believe I'm sharing this):

On second thought, no I'm not. Never mind. The glasses are too awful to share. I have deleted all photos that existed of me wearing them. They're gone. Gone for good. Thank god for the 30-day guarantee. I'm thinking of smaller and rounder. Here are a few that I like. You've all seen the new haircut, so tell me what you think.*

Votes: 6
Votes: 6
Votes: 1

Of course, it all depends on the cost... so... I can't be sure that I can get any of these since the prices aren't listed online. WTF? But I'm madly in love with #3, and I know that #2 is available in Midnight Blue, so that's a contender too... and #1 is just cool, and although I'm going for rounder frames, I still like these. So... what do you think?*

* I put this in bold hoping that it will stand out more and therefore you will all know that I really, really want your opinion on this. And if you're willing to go the extra mile (and I won't blame you if you aren't), I'm getting my glasses from here, so feel free to browse their gallery and then make your suggestions. Or not. Whatever. 


MeredithDuck said...

I like these - but maybe its because they're the same brand as mine - and look almost exactly the same as I am guessing my opinion on that can't be trusted:

These are awesome:

But again...I'm shopping for myself. That's not helpful.

Out of the 3 you listed I like 1 and 2. Still not helpful? Oops, oh well.

maucotel said...

I am fully agree with your views on the Smurf movie. Although the casting is surprising, it really seems like another retro throwback to empty the pockets of reminiscing Americans. In my opinion these movies will be the ones that our children post on their future blogs under lists of cinematic failure from the 2000s. Also, go for those midnight blue #2s. Who cares what shape is supposed to make your head look fatter? Those are hot.

Tanya said...

glasses #1

One Blonde Girl said...

@ MeredithDuck- Hmmm... good choices. I'm sure you would look great in them. ;) As a blond, I'm not sure I could pull off those colors, but thanks for going the extra mile! I'm leaning towards #2, but #1 are great too...

@ maucotel- My thoughts exactly. I think they're trying to hook us with the cast, those evil money-grabbing whores. Whoops. Sorry. Got a little carried away. Yeah, I'm thinking #2 as well...

@ Tanya- Thanks! I really like those too. Ugh. Guess I'll just have to go in and try them on again.

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

Glasses - choice #2

Yeahy on the pushing the app thorough.

The Smurf movie? Kill me please. Those little blue fuckers freaked me out in cartoon, and Smurfette is a WHORE.

$133 is damn good for Cobra. If at all possible - do it. Otherwise you go into that pre-existing condition phase of new insurance.

Very crispy and slightly dark brown is the only way to eat English muffins. A little butter and honey ..... mmmm. good.

cbs111 said...

I was excited to hear they were doing a smurfs movie, and then I watched the trailer. Now I'm bummed. I'm with you on them screwing up Garfield and Scooby. Can't they just leave my childhood alone!

#1 is a great pair of glasses, but I think # 2 will fit your face better. That sounds rude but I don't mean it that way.

One Blonde Girl said...

@ MMH- Thanks, I think I'm going with #2, for sure. I also think I have to find a way to swing this COBRA thing. Getting insurance on my own would run 3-4 times the amount for COBRA.

@ cbs- I hear ya. The Smurfs don't need to be in 3D nor do they need to be in the Big Apple. And I agree with your thoughts on the glasses. No worries.

Salt said...

I am really on the fence about the Smurfs movie. Granted Hank Azaria rocks, but I don't know... I feel like they are going to ruin a good thing.

Plus I hate Katy Perry.

Thanks to you, I have added English Muffins to my shopping list. I love those things so much.

Erin said...

#1! They will look totally rad with your bangs.
Also, the Smurfs movie is a travesty. I am retweeting that shit right now.

Laura said...

glasses number 2!! but i do like 1 also :)

Stacie's Madness said...

smurfs sucked as a cartoon.
i like #1 glasses...

One Blonde Girl said...

@ Salt- English muffins are great. Glad I could contribute to your shopping list.

@ Erin- Damn! Now I don't know which ones I want anymore.

@ Laura- *sigh* Me too.

@ Stacie's Madness- What's with all the Smurf-bashing? I thought everyone loved the Smurfs. I used to peek under every mushroom I came across hoping to find a Smurf. I hated that they weren't real.

Cathy said...

Am I the only one who likes option #3? I think they'd be great with your new hair.

I'm 100% sure I won't see that Smurfs movie, so I'm pretty meh about it. I know people are pissed though.

Also, the reason for not checking your bank acct balance is amazing! I love the logic you're totally makes sense! (I swear I am not being sarcastic although it kind of sounds like I am, but I am not, swearsies)

One Blonde Girl said...

@ Cathy- I love #3 as well, but it doesn't seem to be gaining any votes, aside from yours, of course (and mine). And, I know! It's like Christmas every time I check my balance, but also fairly dangerous...

Krista said...

I'm torn between #1 and #2. It would help A LOT to actually see them on you, but obviously, that is not possible. What do the ones you have now look like? Definitely not #3.

One Blonde Girl said...

@ Krista- *sigh* Why is it no one likes #3 (aside from Cathy)? I'm madly in love with them. Can you receive picture messages on your phone? You can, right? I'll send you pics when I go to get new ones. I'll email you a pic of the current ones.

Krista said...

Maybe it's just the angle of the photo, but they are reminding me a bit of horned-rimmed glasses. P.S. Where is this Mountain/City girl blog that I'm being told (by my dashboard)you wrote?

One Blonde Girl said...

@ Krista- That's kind of the point... And I accidentally published that post when I meant to schedule it. check back on Thursday. Sorry.

Didactic Pirate said...

Regarding Smurfs:
No. No no no. NO. Who do I need to kill?

Regarding new glasses: any pair that says Tawny Librarian will get my vote. Er... do we get to vote?

Krista said...

It's Thursday. I checked back. Still no mountain post. Am I too early?

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