Gushing and Blushing

  

Okay, I know it's Tuesday and Random Shit Tuesday is supposed to occur today, but my week is all screwy, so I'm making today Monday, or maybe Sunday. Therefore, I've got something else in mind for today.

So, can I just say that you all are freakin' awesome? I'm gonna say it...

YOU ALL ARE FREAKIN' AWESOME.

This morning I got up, jumped on my laptop and discovered eight, yes, eight comments on yesterday's post. After the two days of hellish-ness I had just gone through (and, for the record, only one day was hangover related, the other was drug side-effects related, but you don't need to hear about that), nothing could have been more welcoming to see than that.

My favorite was from frequent commenter, the Didactic Pirate (go check him out), who wrote,

"Sometimes I think your life is like a really awesome movie -- one I'd pay full price to see." 

Me too, man, me too.

Lest you aim to look like Keith Richards, and let's be honest, nobody wants that.

(Source)

I have a confession to make, I'm a tad bit narcissistic (but aren't we all?), and I occasionally go through my days wondering what people would think if they were reading my life story in a book or watching it as a movie. Yeah, okay, maybe a little bit more than a tad bit, but whatever, this is why I have a blog, right?

Anyego, I envision that my life's movie would be something of a cross between a quirky rom-com (think 500 Days of Summer, not a Reese or SJP rom-com) and a Judd Apatow movie. And before I ventured into what big stars would play all the various characters in my movie, I took a moment to reflect upon the aspects of my life that would be entertaining enough to actually make it into the movie. And then I was reminded of a snippet of jules' comment,

"(Though I've pretty much give up alcohol in the past few months after some SCARY drunk episodes.)" 

Holy shit, I can totally relate to that. Especially lately.

Back in the day (I'm talking college here, folks), I was quite capable of holding my own when it came to drinking. In fact, it was often said that I could drink any man under the table. I was a kick-ass Beirut partner, and puking usually only occurred the next day, and in a toilet. Post-college, I was still in my prime drinking time (and yes, it does pain me a little to think that I can use those words to describe any part of my life). I was a go-to partner in beer pong (Beirut, apparently, being a regional thing) and would often be one of the last people standing at the end of the night. Unfortunately, those days are long behind me, and as it was so delicately pointed out to me on Sunday, I'm getting older and can no longer hold my liquor (this being just a saying as I did not consume any liquor the previous evening).

Yes, I'm getting older, but there's also another major difference between me now and me then that I neglect to take into account. I was 20, 30, sometimes 40 lbs. heavier back in the day. And of course, weight plays a major role in how much you can drink before becoming intoxicated. This is something that I never think about. I have my own personal issues with weight that I won't bore you with, and the only time the reality of my size ever occurs to me is when I'm clothes shopping and I automatically reach for the size 8s and mediums and later discover that I'm really a size 4 and an extra-small (please don't hate me for this. I'm not bragging. There were times when I would grab size 8s and discover that I was actually a size 14. I have some demons at work inside of me, so please, move on).

Or not. I vote for not. At least until the next time.

(Source)

So, long story short (Too late! Sorry, that never gets old, or does it? Whatever, I love that movie.), I forget, quite often, that I'm not the same rock star I was in college, or even post-college. I've got to start remembering that my limit now is 6 beers or 1 1/2 bottles of wine or 4 whiskey drinks or 0 shots, and I think I'm okay with that. I also have to remember that I'm no longer drinking cheap, light beers from my college days, and I'm drinking higher quality, higher alcohol content beverages as my tastes for quality beer have evolved over the years (and whiskey. Damn if it doesn't pull me in every time.).

I'm not saying the best of my drinking days are behind me, but hopefully, through acknowledgment and acceptance, I can finally begin admitting to myself that even thought I still look 23, I can't still drink like 23. So, in conclusion, thanks for all the support, thanks for relating to my woes, and thanks for sharing in my misery. You guys are freakin' rock stars.

Whoa! What happened to Friday?

  

Really. What DID happen to Friday? I could have sworn I posted on Friday. I didn't? I don't get it. How did that happen? What's today? SATURDAY? Damn! Where did the week go? Oh... right... I've been in a funk and when I get in a funk I lose all track of time and days and of myself. WTF, self?

So here's the deal, I'm truly bummed out. I can't even begin to explain why. I mean, I think I know why, in fact, I know I know why, but I'm pretty sure if I begin to explain it we would all end up heading down a road we don't really want to go. At least not together. Well, I know you won't want to go there with me. Me? I'm pretty much okay with going it alone. (I know, right? WTF? Sorry.)

As you may or may not know, I finally finished my thesis (well, I'm still procrastinating on the last round of revisions, but I've got until next week to turn it in, so... plenty of time. No worries.). Finishing my thesis means I'll be graduating in May, yay. Wait, what? It IS May already? Damn. I really am out of sync with time. Fine. I guess I'll be graduating in two weeks. No biggie. 

Except, it sort of is a biggie, because what the fuck am I going to do then? I want a job, but I don't want a job. I want to move, but I don't want to move. I want to aimlessly wander the world until I finally find a place that feels like home enough that I might actually want to stay there for longer than a year, but I don't want to aimlessly wander. I want love, but I don't want love. Oh, wait. We weren't gonna go there, were we? Sorry.

I thought being at this crossroads would be more exciting for me, but it's not. It's not like it's even scary though. It's just... eh. I really don't know where I'm headed next, and I've been pretty much ignoring the fact that this is something I really need to be thinking about and addressing. Like, ASAP. But not tonight. Mainly because it's actually the morning, and I should really be getting to bed. Not that I have anything exciting to do tomorrow. At any rate...

Seeing as how it's the end of the semester, the BFA and MFA students are having their thesis shows. I went to one tonight (and one last Friday night). It was okay. Not as great as last week's, but it inspired me to start painting again. Well, that and the new Anthropologie catalog I picked up tonight at the post office.

So, I started a painting tonight. I'm really, really excited with the way it's turning out. Here's a sneak preview (sorry about the poor picture quality. I live in a cave.):

In case you're wondering, yes, I am painting on a deconstructed brown bag from a liquor store. And yes, said bag was acquired this evening when I stopped at the liquor store to purchase a bottle of whiskey. I really needed it. And yes, it's the same liquor store from this story. But no, Mr. Bum was not present this evening, despite the glorious weather. Maybe he was snagging free food at the opening for the BFA show tonight. Who knows. I know that's why I went. Not that I got any food. It was all gone by the time I got there (and I got there ten minutes after the thing started. Guess artists really are starving). 

At any rate, I intend on reconstructing the bag once the painting is complete. Like I said, I'm really excited about this painting. If I ever get around to finishing it, I'll post a pic. In the meantime, good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite.

Sometimes the party takes you places that you didn't really plan on going*

                      

Which is exactly why I will not be writing about my weekend shenanigans. Instead I will give you a quick synopsis:

There were vegan cookies and "foul bowels."** 
There was good food, bad conversation and awkwardness. 

There were old friends, new friends and Rock Band. 

There were bad movies, bad hangovers and bad pizza. 

There were shots of whiskey, glasses of wine and Russian beer. 

There was a pretty skirt, a pretty dress and dirty boots.
There was birthday cake, bruschetta and endive.

There were all-time new lows reached, new experiences had and old habits revisited. 

There was no thesis writing. 

There were tears (but not many).

There were bumps and bruises, scrapes and muscle soreness.

There was a ¢25 Blizzard from Dairy Queen®.

          

(Source)

* Brought to you by "Thrash Unreal" by Against Me! (Source)
** Thanks for my new fave phrase, Krissy Sue!

I've been zombified.

  

They tell me there's a light at the end of the tunnel...

...but I can't see it yet. Please bear with me as I navigate my way through the hell of data analysis. I'm functioning on two and a half hours of sleep right now, although I suppose calling it functioning is being quite generous. I'm barely surviving. In fact, I feel a bit like this individual:

 (source)

Please send chocolate. Or whiskey. Or both.

That is all.

I need adult supervision.

  

For example, it's 5:30pm on a Monday* and I may or may not be pretty freakin' buzzed. Actually, I'd say that's a pretty fair assessment, which reminds me of this post. Why? Because the circumstances are pretty freakin' similar.

Which brings me back to the main point of this post- I need adult supervision. Well, maybe not in the sense that I need an adult in the room when I use a knife ('cuz Lord knows I learned my lesson regarding knives years ago. Me and sharp objects DO NOT get along. Same goes for me and stairs, and doors, and narrow hallways, and high heels...). 

What I mean is, without another adult in my life, I fail to function properly. Let's ignore the fact that I still can't figure out how to zip up my pants after using the bathroom (yeah, I'm THAT teacher) or the fact that all my footwear are sans laces because I never learned how to properly lace a shoe (seriously, do they go under? over? I just don't get it!). Instead, let's focus on some other areas. 

I really, really enjoy living on my own, but without other adults in my life...

• my diet would consist entirely of oatmeal, grapefruit, Good N Plenty, whiskey and ginger ale, microwave popcorn and beer. Bam! That's breakfast, lunch and dinner right there. Done. It is only through eating meals with other adults that I remember things like vegetables, or meat, or, I guess it could be argued, real food.

• I would eat many things I shouldn't and totally suffer for it later. Like cake, which has eggs in it, which I can't eat. But, unless there's someone else around to say, "Oh, hey, April, it's too bad you can't eat this cake because it has eggs in it," I WILL TOTALLY EAT THAT CAKE. And then I'll spend the rest of the day throwing up. And then I'll have another slice for breakfast. I'm sure you can figure out what comes next. Good for you. You're ahead of me, because apparently I manage to block that part out every time I am left unattended and there is free cake in the room.

• I forget to check the mail. First of all, the post office is pretty far out of my way. Like, all the way across town. It is only through my conversations with other adults that I remember that checking the mail is something I need to do... frequently. As in, more than once every two weeks. Granted, most of my mail is junk mail, but every now and again there is something important in the mail. Like free stuff. Or W-2s. Or important stuff regarding car insurance and your bank beginning to charge $8/month for your checking account previously known as, "free-checking". Which reminds me, I have yet to switch my bank and I still need to contact my insurance company...

• I forget to take my vitamins. And birth control. I know. It's awful, but unless I have someone asking me daily, "Did you take your vitamins today?" I forget that that is something I need to do. And unless I'm involved in regular sexual activity with another adult, it does not occur to me to take my birth control regularly. Please, don't judge. And, might I add, that shit costs money, and unless you're having regular sex, that monetary expenditure might not seem as necessary as, say, ginger ale and whiskey. (and yes, I know you can get free birth control from Planned Parenthood, but have you ever been to one of those? If you're having sex, they pretty much treat you like a whore, at least in my experience they do, and who needs that in their life?)

• I wouldn't pick things out of the trash. Okay, I totally pick things out of the trash, but who in their right mind throws away a toilet paper roll when there is still toilet paper on the roll? And when no one in your house is capable of purchasing toilet paper, this sort of thing is basically a sin. And furthermore, that vitamin that fell into the trash can this morning only touched paper, so, in my opinion, it's totally okay to pick it out and consume it. Just be thankful I remembered to take it this morning. 

• I wouldn't eat things I find in my bed. Living on my own, I indulge in one of my favorite bad habits... eating in bed. As a result, I sometimes come across random pieces of food in my bed. Like popcorn, Good N Plentys(ies?) and stuff that initially looks like food, but upon consumption of said items I find myself spitting them out into my garbage can in complete and utter disgust. And then I question whether or not I'm normal. I suspect I'm grosser than your average bear.

• I would dress like a total slob. We're talking holey jeans and t-shirts that are 3 sizes too big for me. I find that most of the time I don't dress for myself. When I get dressed in the morning, I always consider how many adult-like people I will be encountering that day. As well as the level of importance said people have on important aspects of my life. Like my career. As the number and level decreases, so does the style and cleanliness of my outfit. You saw what happened on laundry day, right? 

• I would be less motivated in life. Not that I'm entirely motivated by other adults, but if they weren't in my life, I might not care if I have a full time job. Or health insurance. And I certainly wouldn't feel pressured to procreate or guilty for not wanting to right now. I would be perfectly content maintaining my current state of perpetual limbo if it weren't for pressure from other adults. 

Alright, well I think that's enough for now. I think my brain just quit. I also need a refill. It's okay. I'm on vacation. Have a good one, and since I feel like I need to include a picture in all my posts, enjoy this pic of me wearing free stuff.

(Quick! What show am I watching?)

* Yeah, you caught me. I'm pre-blogging or blogging ahead of time. What of it? I'm a busy girl. Procrastination doesn't just happen on its own, you know.

The Most Expensive Cupcake EVER!!

...but also the yummiest! After a really rough weekend and a bout of some really bad winter weather blues, I needed a pick-me up. I had seen this post about some St. Patrick's Day inspired goodness. It's been awhile since I've baked, which always makes me happy, but the kitchen where I'm living right now is less than motivating and I just haven't had the ambition to bake. I'm one of those obnoxious people who insists on baking entirely from scratch, so whipping up a batch of cupcakes isn't a quick little task.

At any rate, I thought this week would be perfect for trying to bake something egg-less (my first time) and bake something in honor of St. P's Day. As you can imagine, Sprinkle Bakes' Guinness Chocolate Pudding is certainly not something that would be easy to make egg-less, so I thought I'd aim a little lower. I knew Guiness Chocolate cupcakes exist because of a post I did over on The Bitter Blonde about them, so I was motivated to dig-up a recipe for something similar. After a quick Google search, I came across a recipe for Guinness Chocolate Cupcakes with Bailey's Frosting at the blog Chew On That. Yum! Apparently this recipe originated with the Smitten Kitten, which Chew On That so kindly provided a link to, which I so kindly checked out. Now, I'm a visual learner, so while I started with Chew On That, I ultimately chose to use the post at the Smitten Kitten. Alright, now that we have the proper references and citations taken care of, let's get on to the good stuff! Oh, whoops, I forgot one. Since I can't do eggs, I decided to be adventurous (one of my New Year's "Resolutions") and attempt to doctor the Guinness recipe and make it egg-less. I used this recipe as a reference.

First off, I need to note that these cupcakes took FOREVER to make (like 3-4 hours). Of course, this included cool time and busted pastry bag emergency repair time and so on and so on. Now, the reason I deemed this the most expensive cupcake EVER is because it cost me nearly $100 before I even started. Before you panic, let me note that I am working without any of my bake ware so I had to pick up some necessary items (like cupcake tins and decorator's tips and bags...). I also needed to purchase the necessary Jameson, Bailey's and Guinness for this recipe, since these aren't things I normally have on hand (You're surprised by this, aren't you? Yeah, me too.) Of course, I could have opted for cheaper brands, but when it comes to baking, I believe in quality ingredients and splurged for the brand name liquors. You may not be aware, but liquor stores carry smaller, cheaper bottles of liquor, but I'm a comparision shopper, and the bigger bottles turned out to be more bang for my buck. I'm sure nothing will be wasted.

In my typical How-To style, I'm providing you with a visual step-by-step of the process. You can look up the instructions on your own, right? I will, however, provide the ingredients list at the end since I altered it a bit from the original recipe.

(prepped and ready to start, apron and everything. My roommate told me that I looked like I knew what I was doing because I had an apron on. This apron was custom made for me by my sis. Maybe she'll make you one too. She doesn't offer them on her Etsy shop, but ask, you never know. Tell her I sent you. Did I mention it's reversible? No? It is. Oh! The earrings were made by her too.)

(I know I said I believe in quality ingredients, and I do, but I also believe in free ingredients, and some of these were already available in my pantry.)

 (my new love. This beauty belongs to my landlord. It's definitely going to be on my Christmas list this year! I love it in Green Apple, of course, this could just be the Irish overload talking.)

(butter, beer and cocoa powder! This is the most heavenly smell ever!)

 (You're probably shocked by the sparkling clean surface, right? One of the key habits of a successful baker is keeping a clean work space!)

(Check out this cute cupcake liners! Apparently, if you get on your hands and knees and look at the back of the bottom shelf in the baking section, you can find little treasures like these! On a personal note, I'm partial to the foil cups. They're sturdier and they tend to bake up better. Don't worry, you'll see what I mean later on. I mixed and matched my cups.)

 (In the oven! A gas oven, no less. I haven't used one of these babies since my Mom's house. Yes, I purchased disposable trays. I have learned in the past that good bake ware and cook ware doesn't mix well with multiple housemates.)

(See what I mean? The foil liners hold their shape so much better. In case you're wondering, I doubled the paper liners because I didn't want to lose the cool plaid design, which frequently happens with chocolate batters.)

(This just felt SO wrong to me when I was doing it. I mean, I was removing the BEST part of the cupcake! In case you're wondering, I didn't have a fancy tool to do this. I used a grapefruit knife and a teaspoon measuring spoon. Hey, it did the trick!)

(I know what you're thinking, Damn! That's a big knife! Yeah, well, with everything else in life, I believe bigger is better.)

(This was a new process for me, and I was surprised at how well it worked! A side-note, if you accidentally picked up unsweetened bakers chocolate like I did, you might need to add some confectioner's sugar at this point. If you add some sugar, that'll thicken your ganache, meaning you'll need to add some more liquid, i.e. Jameson! A win-win.)

(The picture quality sucks, but you get the idea. The ganache will set up, but you might need to smooth it out before it does.)

(Starting the frosting. This is the BEST frosting I've ever had! Of course, by this point, I had probably already consumed half a Guinness and a shot of Jameson, so...)

(The color of this frosting was beautiful. This pic sort of represents it, but not quite.)

(Alright, at this point, I was SUPER discouraged. My pastry bag kept busting and I had to repair it with masking tape. I was also highly disappointed to discover that the kit I bought didn't have the tip I wanted. Plus, I didn't have orange food coloring, so I had to make it, and I wasn't able to "paint" the color on the inside of the bag like I usually do because the interior of my decorator's bag was apparently coated with Teflon or something equally non-stick so my stripes, which are usually super cool, were pretty blah. Definitely not my best decorating job, but hey, it's not like your stomach cares what they look like, right?)

So, as promised, here's the ingredients for the recipe, as altered by me. Here's the original, just in case you forgot it was posted above.

For the Guinness Chocolate Cupcakes:
1 cup Guinness
1 cup butter (the original calls for unsalted, but I used salted and omitted the salt step. While some people, for health reasons, like to omit the salt altogether, I have found that the addition of salt really makes a difference)
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder (the recipe recommends Dutch-process, but I couldn't find any)
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
2/3 cup sour cream
4 teaspoons vinegar (in lieu of the eggs. I added it at the same point as the recipe calls for the mixing in of the eggs)

For the Jameson Ganache:
8 ounces bittersweet chocolate (my only options were unsweetened and sweetened, I used unsweetened, so if you use sweetened, you don't need to add the sugar)
2/3 cup heavy cream
2 tablespoons butter, room temperature
2 to 3 tablespoons confectioner's sugar
1 1/2 shots Jameson

For the Bailey's Frosting:
3 to 4 cups confectioner's sugar (I used all 4 because I upped the amount of Bailey's)
1 stick butter, at room temperature
3 to 4 tablespoons butter

If you make these, let me know how they turn out! I happen to really enjoy them. I tried a "damaged" cupcake straight out of the oven and it tasted just like a brownie! Score! By the way, my Pandora radio station was set to The Kinks and I rocked out to some great British tunes during baking (probably not appropriate for an Irish baking session, but...).