shhh... it's a secret
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts

Monday, February 14, 2011

Reasons Why...

  1. you have a crooked smile.
  2. you let me take your car to work in bad weather even though you hate driving mine.
  3. you turned Christmas music on for me when I was decorating the tree. and I didn't even ask you too.
  4. you tolerate my flightiness.
  5. you like to vacuum.
  6. in an emergency, you will run to store for me and pick up feminine products. with zero complaints.
  7. you have far more patience with me than I probably deserve.
  8. you empty and reload the dishwasher without being asked to.
  9. you have the balls to make up your own rules.
  10. you tell me that you love me almost every single day.
  11. you know that I like black licorice.
  12. you laugh at me when I complain about my nose fat,
  13. and when I dance around the house like a lunatic,
  14. and when I sing loudly, horribly off-key and out of tune... in the car... and in the house.
  15. it's fun to cook with you,
  16. but sometimes you'll make me food without my help.
  17. you know when I need a hug.
  18. you hold me when I'm crying.
  19. you're good at just about everything that you do.
  20. you're the most intelligent and capable person I know.
  21. you think quantum physics is light bedtime reading.
  22. you have many hobbies and interests, which amazes me.
  23. you're encouraging and supportive and, for the most part, so very understanding.
  24. you're just plain wonderful.

... I'm so in love with you.

    Saturday, January 8, 2011

    My Pear-y Christmas

     
    This Christmas my family surprised me with some of my gifts. It seems I have an affinity for all things pear right now, and my family picked right up on it. Check out these sweets treats they bestowed upon me!

    This fabulous clock from Etsy seller, KitchenTableVintage.
    Now my challenge is to find a place to hang it!

    Three of these precious ornaments from Etsy seller, Defabricate.
    I can't wait to hang these on my tree next Christmas!

    This amazing timer from ModCloth.
    Technically, this was an early birthday* present.


    I can't wait to add to my pear collection now, and the color works perfectly with my dream kitchen color scheme!

    (*10 days away)

    Saturday, January 1, 2011

    My New Year's "Resolutions" v.2011

       
    Last year I made a list of "resolutions" that was pretty lame and, for the most part, unrealistic. I'm not a huge fan of the idea of "resolutions", nor do I necessarily like the definition of the word resolution. Therefore, let's call these my goals of 2011 instead, shall we?

    OBG's Goals for 2011

    1. Gain Weight. I know what you're thinking. Any resolutions or goals made in regards to weight are just about guaranteed to fail right out of the gate. This is a risky goal. I get it, but with enough determination, I know I can accomplish this goal. Sure, I might slip a few times throughout the year and actually end up losing weight, but I'm pretty sure that with the right diet and the right balance of exercising and loafing, gaining weight is a very attainable goal this year.
    2. Try New Things. I've got this one in the bag! In fact, I've already started. Today I tried soy milk for the first time (I'm not a fan). I am positive that in 2011 I will be able to try new things all the time, making this one of the smartest goals I could probably set for myself.
    3. Buy New Clothes. How can I not achieve this goal, what with the changing seasons and my anticipated success with goal #1? Plus, my wardrobe is still, primarily, geared for life in NY. It's time to switch over to a VA wardrobe.
    4. Meet New People. Again, a very doable goal, especially considering where I live and what I do for a living. In fact, I received an email just before winter break to inform me about new students entering the schools I teach in. That counts.
    5. Play More Games. And not the bad kind (mind games). The good kind. The ones that people play for enjoyment. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm going to jump on my Kindle sometime this afternoon and play a word game.
    6. Decorate the House. Boy does it need it. Although we're off to an okay start, this place really needs some more personality. We're talking curtains, wall decor, areas rugs, lighting... Heck, we're here until at least October. Might as well make it feel like home, right? (For the record, because we move around A LOT, we have a hard time settling into any place we live and making it feel like a comfy, cozy, welcoming home. We've decided to make an effort to do it with our current place of residence, especially since we really like it.)
    7. Revamp the Blog. I'm bored. Again. And when I get bored with something I decided to change it up quite a bit. Assuming I'll be able to find the time to do so this year, you can expect this little 'ole blog to go through some changes.
    8. Disappoint Family Members. This is pretty much a given for any year, so why not actually make it a goal? That way I can feel good about disappointing my family (you know, because I've accomplished a goal) instead of just miserable and guilty about it.
    I think that's a decent enough list. I don't want to put too much on that list. Got to set the bar low. I tend to be an unambitious procrastinator, so the less I have to put off doing, the better.

    What are your resolutions/goals this year?

    Friday, December 31, 2010

    New Year's Eve: Yeah, let's do this thing.

       
    I'm not a fan of New Year's Eve. For one, I never plan far enough ahead to actually have anywhere fun or cool to be. Much like Halloween, in fact. I think these two days require ample planning for maximum fun. It never fails, the morning of (on NYE and H'ween), we're always trying to decide what to do, scrounging around for party attire, and ultimately deciding that participation in festivities will not be occurring this year. But NEXT YEAR. Oh yes, next year we'll plan ahead and do something really exciting! And then next year comes around, and we've once again neglected to plan ahead. Tickets have not been purchased. Slutty attire has not been acquired. Friends have not been contacted. 

    So, this New Year's Eve I may or may not be going out. I may or may not be spending a quiet evening at home with Netflix (again). I may or may not be getting together with friends. I may or may not be watching the ball drop on TV. 

    What I will do, though, is take a moment to compile my own Top 10 list for you (everyone loves a good Top 10 list this time of year, right?). Enjoy, and here's wishing you all a safe end to 2010, and a glorious beginning to 2011!

    OBG's Top 10 11 Favorite Posts from 2010

    1. In which I write a letter to the Sandman 
    2. In which I contemplate a life spent drinking with homeless people
    3. In which I confess my inability to peek before I pee
    4. In which I reveal too much information
    5. In which I try my hand at soap opera levels of writing
    6. In which I learn about the quarter-life cirsis
    7. In which I contemplate cohabitation
    8. In which I outline my rules for successful cohabitation
    9. In which I'm reminded why I hate cub scouts
    10. In which I decide I hate hippies
    11. In which I tried to be a creative writer. Again. 
    Upon searching through my archives, I have concluded that I am neither a) funny, b) clever, nor c) interesting. Why do you people keep coming back here?

    Thursday, December 30, 2010

    Things are a brewin'!

         
    Source

    SO PLEASE STAND BY


    Meanwhile, enjoy this re-post, previously "aired" January 8, 2010.


    Some holiday reflection

    The holiday season has come to an end and for the first time in many, many years, I'm sorry that it is over. Usually around mid-October I begin experiencing holiday related panic attacks, stress headaches and night sweats (alright, maybe not the night sweats, but you get the idea). After the holiday season of '08, however, I vowed to do things differently this year. I wanted a relatively relaxed, peaceful and stress-free holiday experience, and for the most part, I'm happy to report that I accomplished just that! So what was my magical solution? What mysterious remedy did I discover to banish holiday related stress? Well, I didn't buy a single Christmas present this year. Not one. And I didn't feel the least bit guilty over it.
          
    As the years move on, and my immediate family gets older and continues to expand, the number of gift recipients keeps multiplying. I have four sisters and a brother and when you add in their significant others, their children, parents and step-parents... you can see how quickly things can get out of hand. This year I declared, NO MORE! Now, in the interest of full disclosure I must admit this decision wasn't entirely made as a result of my gift buying frustrations. It just so happens I'm in graduate school finishing up my thesis and trying to survive on the measly income I receive as a graduate assistant. In other words, I'm dead broke, which contributed significantly to my inability and unwillingness to purchase Christmas presents this year. I very well could have used my {gasp} credit cards to buy some holiday joy for my loved ones, but I didn't. (I am quite proud to say that I have 0 credit card debt, thank you very much)
          
    In place of gifts I decided I would spend more time with my family and help them out with their holiday stress as much as I could. BEST. DECISION. EVER. I have never felt better about myself nor the holidays than I did after helping my mom wrap Christmas presents, or after staying with my sister for a week and helping her in any and every way she needed (she had three boys, all under the age of 5 and fueled up with Santa-fever, to manage), or after preparing an entirely homemade, from-scratch Christmas dinner for 12+ family members. Never has a last-minute, purchased gift, wrapped in over-priced paper made me feel as generous and giving as I did this year. I felt useful. I felt appreciated. Most importantly, I felt a renewed love and joy for my family that I haven't felt in years.
       
    Will I buy Christmas presents next year, when grad school will be over and I'll be (hopefully) employed full-time? I don't know. I do know that if I do, I will put more time and thought into my gifts rather than rush through the stores, carelessly checking people off my list. I also know that I'm going to take more time for my family and offer to help them out as much as I can.
          
    Happy New Year!

    Thursday, December 23, 2010

    Phoning it in

    Remember when I told you (way back when) that the G-man had already purchased a Christmas present for me? Well, due to travel plans we had our Christmas last night, and it turns out that gift is a Kindle! I'm using it as we speak (so-to-speak). It comes with free 3G connection! It's not the greatest, nor the most convinient browser, but it's still pretty sweet!

    Hope you all have a great holiday season. Travel safely. We are headed to NY for a week today to see family I'm super psyched!

    Saturday, December 18, 2010

    Cloud 9 Just Deflated

       
    chetanddot
    Remember that happiness high I was on the other day when I was bragging about how happy I am right now? Yeah, well, it seems I've hit a little hiccup at the hands of a complete stranger while attending our neighborhood holiday party. In about 20 minutes or so (it's possible it only felt that long), he managed to crush any hope I had for a magical holiday season, and furthermore, a happy, secure and satisfying future. Thanks a lot, old man. I know you were probably trying to help, but I'm pretty sure you did more harm than good. In the future, keep your big mouth shut and your opinions to yourself (which is pretty much good advice for everyone).

    p.s. Only 30 shopping days left until the greatest day of the year... MY BIRTHDAY (and Twin's too, of course)! Wondering what to get me? Well, don't you worry, I'll be putting out a wish list soon enough. I just have to get through this Christmas chaos first.

    Saturday, December 4, 2010

    The Christmas Spirit

                  
    The infamous C.S. (that would be Christmas Spirit) hit me last weekend after returning home from Thanksgiving in NY. So I put the tree up. It's been a few years since I last put up the tree, so I was pleasantly surprised to discover some of my favorite ornaments all over again. I also threw on my creative cap and made some of my own this year, seeing as how I felt the tree was lacking in the cool department (what with all the gifted ornaments on the tree that weren't quite my style).

    Please forgive the awful photography. My digital camera and I are not friends.




    p.s. Is it just me, or is the tree waaaayyyyy crooked?

    Wednesday, November 24, 2010

    Happy Thanksgiving Eve

        
    "What are you, a cat?" interrupts the G-Man, as he watches me climb up the back of the love seat. We were conversing about our Thanksgiving travel plans when I attempted to sprawl out across the back cushions. I had managed to wrap my arms and a leg around the cushions, while the other leg swung freely behind the love seat. 

    I stopped, mid-crawl, and looked at him blankly.

    "What, do you want me to come scratch your head now?" he asked.

    My head perked up, and I expressed a small gasp of excitement, "Could you?"

    **************************************************

    If you're one of the lucky few who won't be hitting the road later tonight for a seven hour drive, then go get your drink on. It is, after all, one of the biggest nights for drinking (this fact can be verified with your friendly neighborhood bartender). 

    For the rest of us poor suckers, drive safely, stay off of I-95, and don't forget your allergy meds because your sister-in-law has cats and last Thanksgiving you spent the entire night wheezing and sneezing.

    Happy Thanksgiving. 

    Saturday, November 20, 2010

    I ♥ Etsy! The Vintage Christmas Ornament Edition

                      
    I know what you're thinking, didn't you just do an I ♥ Etsy! Halloween edition? Well, yeah, I did, but you can never start your Christmas tree ornament shopping too early! (Christmas present shopping, on the other hand, should be put off until the absolute last minute possible. Like Christmas Eve.)  

    Vintage Handmade Christmas Decorations Denmark
    by efinegifts

     A pony for Christmas
    by bluemoonhare

     Vintage Felt Handmade Bird Ornaments
    by theturniptruck

     Kitsch Sequin Beaded Fruit
    by GryphonVintage

     Vintage handmade Christmas ornament blue and green
    by ModishVintage

    Funky Little Vintage Christmas Elves Ornaments
    by ayeceaeph


    What do you decorate your tree with? 

    Tuesday, November 2, 2010

    RST: A Rally, Halloween, What's that noise?, Zombies, My Living Room, and No seriously, what the fuck is that noise?

                          

            
    It's Tuesday, which means, time again for another Random Shit Tuesday


    My randomness...

    So, as I mentioned here, I attended the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear this weekend. I really wish I had more to report on the event. But alas, the day was pretty uneventful, despite the day's event.

    We got off to a late start because, well, because that's just how we roll. I enjoyed a very yummy spinach and herb bagel on the road from The Bagel Cafe. Definitely a place to visit again. After meeting up with Thing Two on M Street, The G-Man, Unfortunate One, Thing Two and I hoofed it to the Mall where we were just a measly group of four in a sea of thousands. Needless to say, trying to get a decent view of the stage was out of the question. Fortunately we were able to push our way to a section of the Mall where we could at least see one of the screens.

    So my take on the whole thing? The weather was nice, the crowd was overly polite*, the comedy was decent, the signs (and costumes) were entertaining, the sound system was shitty and the music was mediocre. Ozzy was certainly the highlight of the musical lineup, followed by Tony Bennett. Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow, however? Not the right venue nor the right crowd for them. In my opinion. Especially not after hearing rumors that Bruce Springsteen and Alanis Morissette were going to make an appearance.

    After wards, we ventured to H Street (seeing as how any locale within walking distance to the Mall was packed) and grabbed a couple of brews at the Biergarten Haus, and, in my opinion, the best damned Goulash that have ever crossed these lips. The sauerkraut could have used more... sauer? Or maybe kraut. The Laugenbrezels were pretty freakin' good too.

    After some food and beer, we headed back to M Street where we promptly... napped? Yup. This is how you know you're old folks. Halloween Eve in DC and everyone naps for about 3 hours, and upon waking, conclude that we'd rather sit in for the evening.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Speaking of Halloween...

    Oh, Halloween...

    The night where we lock the doors, draw the blinds and spend the evening in the dark, hoping no foul-minded kiddies get the notion to trick us as we are clearly not intending to treat them.

    It's not that I'm anti-Halloween or anything. It's just that I'm always so busy around Halloween (like, for example, moving) that I neglect to pick up any candy. 

    Maybe next year.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    What's that noise?

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Zombies are becoming mainstream. I don't like this. That is all.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    I think I mentioned previously that we were unsuccessful in our attempts to get our couch upstairs to the living room.Which is why our living room currently looks like this...


    Thank god our new couch arrives on Friday. Although, that makeshift chair on the floor is far more comfortable than you would imagine. Believe you me.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    No seriously, what the fuck is that noise? It sounds like a cross between a squirrel and a bird, and it's coming from the fire place. 

    There it is again! 

    I better not get attacked by some freakish squird while I'm innocently sitting here minding my own business.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    * There was a report by an employee in attendance from a certain organization with the initials 'N', 'P', and 'R' who claimed that the crowd was getting riled up and inpatient with The Roots' performance about 40 minutes in. This is not true. The sound system went out about that time, so we were chanting "Louder!" and "Turn it up!". Which was pretty reasonable, in my opinion. Of course she was located near the stage, so I imagine she had no clue what was going tens of thousands of people behind her.

    Tuesday, July 6, 2010

    Previously on OBG... 1.4

    (the following should be read like... well, however you feel like reading it. You're all adults. Use your imagination.)

    Although inspired in part by a true incident, 
    the following story is fictional 
    and does not depict any actual person or event.
            
    When we last left OBG...
             
    ...she had just moved to Northern Virginia (again) and was trying to adjust to life in an unfamiliar place surrounded by unfamiliar things (again). She was suffering from severe self-doubt about her recent decisions and was feeling totally bummed out. Dude. 
          
    We now join OBG on Saturday evening, July 3rd, in Bilboa Baggins, a restaurant/bar in Old Town Alexandria, where she is having dinner with Gregarious, Thing Two, and SarahCC. They were seated at their table ten minutes earlier and have yet to be served. Gregarious and Thing Two have their phones out. Again.
    OBG (directed at the table): What are you all getting?
    Gregarious (typing away and not looking up from the phone): Huh?
    Thing Two (typing away and not looking up from the phone): What?
    SarahCC: I haven't decided yet. Every time I think I know what I"m getting, I look at the menu again and change my mind.
    OBG: Yeah, me too. The pizza looks really good, but I'm afraid if I don't get something more substantial I'm just going to be hungry in a couple of hours again.
    Thing Two (glancing up from phone): Shouldn't we have been served by now? (briefly looks around but soon returns to phone)
    Gregarious (looking up from phone): Yeah, at least take our beer order. I want a beer. (briefly looks around but is soon back to the phone)
    In-Head OBG: Whoa. I can't believe how rude they're being. I can't believe Thing Two invited SarahCC to join us and is spending the whole time on his phone. I don't even know her. I feel bad for her. Looks like I'm going to have to make conversation with her, which is fine, but I still can't get over the fact that she had to introduce herself to us in the car and now we're left to our own devices on the conversation.
    OBG (to SarahCC): So you live in Crystal City, huh? How do you like it?
    SarahCC: Well, it's nice, but I really want to move into DC because that's where all my friends live and right now it's a hassle to go out with them because it takes me so much longer on the Metro to get to them. But it's cool. Not like Clarendon, which is totally yuppy.
    In-Head OBG: Fuck. That's where Gregarious wants to live. I DO NOT want to live in yuppy-town. This is NOT what I signed up for. Where do all the creative people like me live? I was totally promised Alexandria when I moved down here. This is such a bait-and-switch scam.
    Thing Two (briefly looking up from phone): That's where these two want to move too.
    In-Head OBG: Say what now? Uh-uh. Oh, this is not going to go well for me. I miss NY.
    Gregarious (still thumbing away on the phone): Huh? Oh, yeah, Clarendon. Yeah, it seems like a nice place to live. Either that or the Fairfax/Vienna area. As long as it's still on the Metro line and not too far for me to drive to work if I end up working in Ashburn.
    In-Head OBG: Oh, fuck no! I was promised Alexandria or DC. I'm having really, really bad feelings about this. Where is our server? I need a beer, ASAP.
    After an adventurous evening spent wandering under the Woodrow Wilson bridge, trying to catch a glimpse of the fireworks that Gregarious assured the rest of the party were occurring (which you will hear about at a later time), and after a repeat of pretty much the same scenario played out above, except at the Columbia Firehouse, we now join OBG on the 4th of July doing something she swore to herself last 4th of July she would never do again- attend a BBQ further south down I-95 in Fredericksburg, VA. She is now on her second beer, sitting with Night Ranger, watching a riveting game of cornhole.
    In-Head OBG: I can't believe I'm missing out on fireworks in DC to attend a frickin' pool party with Gregarious' hockey team. This is lame. Where is he any way? I hate the 4th of July. All I care about are the fireworks. That's all the 4th of July is good for. Why did I let Gregarious talk me into this? I should have gone on my own and met Thing Two in DC for fireworks. I don't even know anyone here. Well, except for Night Ranger. And House, but trying to talk to them is weird. Stupid Virginia...
    [pop.]
    In-Head OBG (looking around): What was that?
    OBG (to Night Ranger): What was that?
    Night Ranger: Huh? I didn't hear anything.
    [pop. pop.] 
    In-Head OBG (looking around): There it was again. That sounded like... fireworks.
    [pop. pop. pop. pffffffzzzzzzz.] 
    In-Head OBG (bolting out of her chair, frantically looking around): It was. I'd recognize that sound anywhere. It... was...
    OBG (shouting at the top of her lungs): FIREWORKS!!!
    Night Ranger (visibly startled): What the...
    OBG: It's... FIREWORKS!!! (looking around frantically) WHERE ARE THEY? (looks right) WHERE ARE THEY? (looks left) I KNOW I HEARD THEM. FIREWORKS! FIREWORKS! FIREWORKS! Wait... (tilts head and listens)
    [pop. pop. poppity-pop. pffffffzzzzzzz.] 
    OBG: OH MY GOD, FIREWORKS!!! THEY'RE COMING FROM THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE! LOOK OUT! LOOK OUT! (knocks over old folks and children on a mad pursuit to the front of the house) FIREWORKS!!! (arrives at front of house)
    [silence]
    In-Head OBG (desperately looking around in confusion): What? Where are they? I know I heard them...
    [pop. pop.]
    In-Head OBG (jerks head around): There they are again. Where are they coming from?
    [pop.  pffffffzzzzzzz.]
    OBG: OH MY GOD, FIREWORKS!!! THEY'RE COMING FROM THE BACK OF THE HOUSE! LOOK OUT! LOOK OUT! (pushes crippled man into pool on the way to the back of the house. steps on fat, old dog's tail)
    [yelp]
    OBG: GET OUT OF MY WAY, STUPID MUTT, IT'S... FIREWORKS!!!
    [pop. pop. poppity-pop. pffffffzzzzzzz.] 
    OBG: FIREWORKS!!! BRIGHT, SPARKLY, COLORFUL... FIREWORKS!!! (arrives at back of house)
    [silence]
    In-Head OBG (desperately looking around in confusion): What? Where are they? I know I heard them...
    [pop. pop. pop. bang.] 
    In-Head OBG (jerks head around): There they are again. Where the fuck are they coming from? I must see the fireworks!
    [pop. pop. poppity-pop. pffffffzzzzzzz.] 
    OBG (short of breath, foaming at the mouth, leering at the party guests): WHERE... ARE... THEY? I MUST... HAVE... MY... FIREWORKS!!! (runs back and forth across the back yard, over to the side yard, back to the front yard, into the house for a potty break, back to the back yard, up to the front yard where she discovers the party has relocated)
    Gregarious (to OBG): Look, The Hosts are going to set off fireworks.
    OBG (stops short): What? (looks around in an obvious state of confusion)
    Gregarious (pointing at the hosts who are carrying brown paper bags): Look. They have fireworks. They're going to start lighting them off. And they have sparklers too.
    OBG (wiping foam from chin): Whowhatnow?
    Gregarious (with an exasperated sigh): Fireworks. They. Are. Lighting. Fireworks. See? You'll get to see some after all.
    In-Head OBG (looking around at crowd, watching The Hosts light bottle rockets): But...
    [high pitched whistle. pop.]
    [crowd cheers.]
    OBG (shaking head and scoffing): Man, some people get all worked up over some of the littlest things, huh? I just don't get. I'm gonna go get another beer.

    Next time on OBG...
    ... did OBG ever get to see real fireworks? (Editor's note: Uh... no. But she was promised them next year. For real. The promise was sealed with blood. So it has to happen.) Did OBG ever pick up her new glasses? (Editor's Note: She did) Will OBG finally be happy with her new glasses? (Editor's Note: Uh... yeah! They totally rock!) Will OBG ever return to regular blogging? Has OBG lost her creativity for good? How did OBG end up under the Woodrow Wilson bridge? And how are Loki and Mrs. Lovett doing? And what possessed OBG to paint her toenails white? And what in the name of the sanity  of all who know OBG happened to all the Midol/Pamprin products of the world? Is it some sort of conspiracy?

    Stay tuned for the next episode of OBG, where all of these questions will be answered. Or none of them. It could go either way. But hopefully it will be more exciting than this episode. One can only dream.

    Editor's Note: No animals, old people, children or cripples were hurt in the making of this episode of OBG. Gregarious, however, got run over by a shopping cart in the middle of a Bloom grocery store. Minor injuries were sustained and lessons were, most likely, still not learned.

    PLEASE NOTE: The Blogger commenting snafu appears to be resolved.

    Sunday, July 4, 2010

    A Trip Down Mugger's Lane

    Who knew I'd be spending my Saturday night underneath the Woodrow Wilson bridge?
    Hiking through the woods, scaling fences and tripping over rubble.
    Trying desperately to view the fireworks.
                             
    And the lonely dude under the bridge was pretty creepy too. 
                              

    Happy 4th of July. 
    Hope there are some pretty rockin' fireworks in your day 
    (which, in my opinion, are the best part of the day).

    Sunday, May 9, 2010

    I think I peed myself.

     
    First, let me clear this up. I did not pee myself. I can only recall two times in my life when I peed myself at an age when it was downright mortifying to do so. Once, when I was six or seven, and once when I was, well, a little bit older. This title is in reference to one of the two crazy-ass dreams I had last night. I won't bore you with a rundown of my dream (Seriously, I HATE it when people make me suffer through that shit). I did, however, write about it over here, if you're interested in reading about it. Just so you know, I don't talk about my dreams like others do. I keep it short, succinct, and to the point, so if you do choose to read about it, it shouldn't be too painful.

    At any rate, today is Mother's Day. I am not a mother. This should already be obvious to you. Childlessness aside, it is impossible for anyone to not be aware that today is Mother's Day. The world won't let you. Bloggers blog about it. Facebookians post about it. This morning I woke up (what? 11:30am is still the morning. Technically), logged onto Facebook and was immediately attacked by a barrage of Happy Mother's Days. Aside from the status updates, it seems every mother on my friends list decided to individually wish every mother on their friends list a Happy Mother's Day. My "Most Recent" News Feed reported a count of 500+. Really folks? Was that necessary? In protest, I wished no one a Happy Mother's Day. Not through Facebook any way.

    So, I suppose, in honor of this day, I'm obligated to tell a tale about my mother. Or at least show you her picture, which I know she would hate because she is one of the least photogenic people in the entire world. Alright, here goes, let's see what I can dig up...

    Here's my mom at Christmas in 2008 with my one of my nephews and my sister's legs. My mom used to make these really yummy cheesecake cookies every year at Christmas time. She still makes them for me. I can't eat them. You know, because of my egg allergy. My mom forgets this every year. Occasionally I eat one or two to make her feel good. I'm sure this doesn't help with her tendency to forget about my allergy.

    Here's my mom grilling at my going away party/stepfather's birthday party in 2009. That's my nephew again. He's wearing his mommy's shoes. He's a character. Here's a pic of the cake my mom bought me for the occasion...

    Yup! That's a cheesecake folks! Guess who couldn't eat it? That's a pretty accurate drawing of my mom and step-dad. They raise chickens. My mom didn't draw it though. Her artistic talents lie more in the sewing spectrum.

    Here's a pic of my mom at Christmas in 2009. That's me holding one of my nephews. Yes, my mom wears Christmas sweaters. She also wears nature sweatshirts. I don't recall there being any cheesecake cookies at the festivities that year. However, that was the year I planned Christmas dinner and my sister was in charge of the desserts, so that might have had something to do with it.

    Here's anther pic of my mom, holding my nephew. I had made a trip back home to attend the wake of the mother of one of my close friends from high school. In honor of me surfacing from the thesis-writing pit I had sunk into, my mom bought me a special dessert. Yup! You guessed it! Cheesecake! Not only that, it was one of those fancy variety pack cheesecakes. It looked really yummy. I think my sis really enjoyed it.

    So, in conclusion, I wish all the mom's out there a Happy Mother's Day. I should probably go call mine. I sent her a card already, but I'm pretty sure in her eyes that isn't a sufficient enough gesture. Maybe I should make her a cheesecake*...

    *For the record, my mom tries really hard to accommodate all of our likes and dislikes. Unfortunately, I think she stopped keeping track in 1989**. In her mind, my oldest sister still likes the color purple and unicorns, my twin is still obsessed with lions and roses, my younger sis still likes... well, I'm afraid I'm not sure what she ever liked. And I still eat cheesecake and collect teddy bears. Thanks any ways, Mom!

    **I'm exaggerating, of course. But you already knew that, right? Oh! And it's sunflowers. My younger sister loved sunflowers. For your entertainment, here's a pic of all of us back in the day. 1989 would probably be an accurate guess based on the clothes and the fact that my oldest sister hadn't ventured into the big-hair, crazy-perm, poufy-bangs stage of the early 90's yet.

     (I'm in the cool rainbow striped top in the center. Missing from this pic is my brother. Yes, I have one. And my youngest sis. She wasn't born yet. And she doesn't belong to my mom's family any ways. She belongs to my dad's. Although my mom has unofficially adopted her as a part of her family. But that's a tale for another day.)

    Sunday, April 4, 2010

    My Easter story.

          
    I don't really do Easter anymore. Maybe some day I will again, but for now I view this day as a day for kids (I don't have any), a day for the religious (I'm not), and a day for loving families to get together and spend a glorious spring day showering each other with sunshine and love (and let's be honest, my family DOES NOT come even remotely close to being this kind of family). Plus, I hate pastels. And I can't eat eggs.

    Once upon a time, Easter was sort of a big deal. My family would head to Long Island, where my grandmother would drag everyone to church, all done up in our new Easter hats and dresses. My cousins would be there, which was always exciting. We'd struggle through the service, all the while knowing that when we returned back to grandma's there would be Easter baskets and candy waiting for us, because THE EASTER BUNNY HAD COME

    The Easter bunny always came to my grandmother's house during church. Interestingly enough, my uncle always left church earlier than the rest of us. My tiny little cynical brain may have been suspicious of this, but it wasn't until years later that I finally made the connection. At any rate, we would always linger after the service and converse with people I didn't know. There was probably a lot of cheek pinching and many comments like, "Oh, look how much you girls have grown," or "Oh, look at that blonde hair." All the while, we were probably secretly dying inside, eager to leave so we could hunt for our Easter goodies. But, like the good little girls that we were, we stood patiently and politely and hid behind our mother whenever someone came at us with cheek pinching fingers. 

    Hunting for the goodies the Easter bunny left behind was always exciting, however, it always amazed me at how uncreative and predictable the Easter bunny was. I mean, that sonofabitch hid my Easter basket up in the same tree EVERY YEAR*! And he always hid it so high up I couldn't reach it. I thought it was unfair that out of all the grand kids, I was the only one who couldn't retrieve my own basket from it's hiding spot. That job always fell to my only male cousin, who didn't have to wear an Easter dress and pretty patent leather shoes and could easily scale up a tree. 

    When my grandmother sold her house** and moved to the mountains with us, Easter was never the same. For one, it was still snowing in the mountains at Easter time, and apparently the Easter bunny had issues with snow because he always hid our goodies indoors. I don't recall going to church in the mountains, but if my grandmother was with us, I'm sure that we did. Oh, and our Easter outfits weren't nearly as sweet and pretty as they were on Long Island. Fortunately for everyone, I don't have pictures with me or I would totally bust them out and do a side-by-side comparison. You're welcome.

    Any way, if you're into such a thing... Happy Easter!

    (This isn't an Easter picture, but it's the only one I could find that demonstrates the cuteness and level of pinchableness that our chubby little cheeks had. We were such adorable little dorks.)

    _______________________________________________________________________
    * I do recall one year when the Easter bunny hid my basket somewhere else (I think my uncle and cousins were MIA that year), and I was devastated! I remember crying in big, gasping, hiccuping sobs, "but... he hides... my basket... there... every year." That's probably the year I stopped believing in the Easter bunny and became a holiday-hating cynic.
    ** which was quite devastating for me. I wasn't so naive that I thought good things couldn't come to an end (my parents divorced when was 6 or 7, so they had already ruined the fairytale, happy-ever-after fantasy for me), but I thought Grandma's house was FOREVER! I have a pretty clear memory of wandering through her house once, kissing the walls goodbye of each and every room.

    Tuesday, March 16, 2010

    The Most Expensive Cupcake EVER!!

    ...but also the yummiest! After a really rough weekend and a bout of some really bad winter weather blues, I needed a pick-me up. I had seen this post about some St. Patrick's Day inspired goodness. It's been awhile since I've baked, which always makes me happy, but the kitchen where I'm living right now is less than motivating and I just haven't had the ambition to bake. I'm one of those obnoxious people who insists on baking entirely from scratch, so whipping up a batch of cupcakes isn't a quick little task.

    At any rate, I thought this week would be perfect for trying to bake something egg-less (my first time) and bake something in honor of St. P's Day. As you can imagine, Sprinkle Bakes' Guinness Chocolate Pudding is certainly not something that would be easy to make egg-less, so I thought I'd aim a little lower. I knew Guiness Chocolate cupcakes exist because of a post I did over on The Bitter Blonde about them, so I was motivated to dig-up a recipe for something similar. After a quick Google search, I came across a recipe for Guinness Chocolate Cupcakes with Bailey's Frosting at the blog Chew On That. Yum! Apparently this recipe originated with the Smitten Kitten, which Chew On That so kindly provided a link to, which I so kindly checked out. Now, I'm a visual learner, so while I started with Chew On That, I ultimately chose to use the post at the Smitten Kitten. Alright, now that we have the proper references and citations taken care of, let's get on to the good stuff! Oh, whoops, I forgot one. Since I can't do eggs, I decided to be adventurous (one of my New Year's "Resolutions") and attempt to doctor the Guinness recipe and make it egg-less. I used this recipe as a reference.

    First off, I need to note that these cupcakes took FOREVER to make (like 3-4 hours). Of course, this included cool time and busted pastry bag emergency repair time and so on and so on. Now, the reason I deemed this the most expensive cupcake EVER is because it cost me nearly $100 before I even started. Before you panic, let me note that I am working without any of my bake ware so I had to pick up some necessary items (like cupcake tins and decorator's tips and bags...). I also needed to purchase the necessary Jameson, Bailey's and Guinness for this recipe, since these aren't things I normally have on hand (You're surprised by this, aren't you? Yeah, me too.) Of course, I could have opted for cheaper brands, but when it comes to baking, I believe in quality ingredients and splurged for the brand name liquors. You may not be aware, but liquor stores carry smaller, cheaper bottles of liquor, but I'm a comparision shopper, and the bigger bottles turned out to be more bang for my buck. I'm sure nothing will be wasted.

    In my typical How-To style, I'm providing you with a visual step-by-step of the process. You can look up the instructions on your own, right? I will, however, provide the ingredients list at the end since I altered it a bit from the original recipe.

    (prepped and ready to start, apron and everything. My roommate told me that I looked like I knew what I was doing because I had an apron on. This apron was custom made for me by my sis. Maybe she'll make you one too. She doesn't offer them on her Etsy shop, but ask, you never know. Tell her I sent you. Did I mention it's reversible? No? It is. Oh! The earrings were made by her too.)

    (I know I said I believe in quality ingredients, and I do, but I also believe in free ingredients, and some of these were already available in my pantry.)

     (my new love. This beauty belongs to my landlord. It's definitely going to be on my Christmas list this year! I love it in Green Apple, of course, this could just be the Irish overload talking.)

    (butter, beer and cocoa powder! This is the most heavenly smell ever!)

     (You're probably shocked by the sparkling clean surface, right? One of the key habits of a successful baker is keeping a clean work space!)

    (Check out this cute cupcake liners! Apparently, if you get on your hands and knees and look at the back of the bottom shelf in the baking section, you can find little treasures like these! On a personal note, I'm partial to the foil cups. They're sturdier and they tend to bake up better. Don't worry, you'll see what I mean later on. I mixed and matched my cups.)

     (In the oven! A gas oven, no less. I haven't used one of these babies since my Mom's house. Yes, I purchased disposable trays. I have learned in the past that good bake ware and cook ware doesn't mix well with multiple housemates.)


    (See what I mean? The foil liners hold their shape so much better. In case you're wondering, I doubled the paper liners because I didn't want to lose the cool plaid design, which frequently happens with chocolate batters.)

    (This just felt SO wrong to me when I was doing it. I mean, I was removing the BEST part of the cupcake! In case you're wondering, I didn't have a fancy tool to do this. I used a grapefruit knife and a teaspoon measuring spoon. Hey, it did the trick!)

    (I know what you're thinking, Damn! That's a big knife! Yeah, well, with everything else in life, I believe bigger is better.)

    (This was a new process for me, and I was surprised at how well it worked! A side-note, if you accidentally picked up unsweetened bakers chocolate like I did, you might need to add some confectioner's sugar at this point. If you add some sugar, that'll thicken your ganache, meaning you'll need to add some more liquid, i.e. Jameson! A win-win.)

    (The picture quality sucks, but you get the idea. The ganache will set up, but you might need to smooth it out before it does.)

    (Starting the frosting. This is the BEST frosting I've ever had! Of course, by this point, I had probably already consumed half a Guinness and a shot of Jameson, so...)

    (The color of this frosting was beautiful. This pic sort of represents it, but not quite.)

    (Alright, at this point, I was SUPER discouraged. My pastry bag kept busting and I had to repair it with masking tape. I was also highly disappointed to discover that the kit I bought didn't have the tip I wanted. Plus, I didn't have orange food coloring, so I had to make it, and I wasn't able to "paint" the color on the inside of the bag like I usually do because the interior of my decorator's bag was apparently coated with Teflon or something equally non-stick so my stripes, which are usually super cool, were pretty blah. Definitely not my best decorating job, but hey, it's not like your stomach cares what they look like, right?)




    So, as promised, here's the ingredients for the recipe, as altered by me. Here's the original, just in case you forgot it was posted above.

    For the Guinness Chocolate Cupcakes:
    1 cup Guinness
    1 cup butter (the original calls for unsalted, but I used salted and omitted the salt step. While some people, for health reasons, like to omit the salt altogether, I have found that the addition of salt really makes a difference)
    3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder (the recipe recommends Dutch-process, but I couldn't find any)
    2 cups all-purpose flour
    2 cups sugar
    1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
    2/3 cup sour cream
    4 teaspoons vinegar (in lieu of the eggs. I added it at the same point as the recipe calls for the mixing in of the eggs)

    For the Jameson Ganache:
    8 ounces bittersweet chocolate (my only options were unsweetened and sweetened, I used unsweetened, so if you use sweetened, you don't need to add the sugar)
    2/3 cup heavy cream
    2 tablespoons butter, room temperature
    2 to 3 tablespoons confectioner's sugar
    1 1/2 shots Jameson

    For the Bailey's Frosting:
    3 to 4 cups confectioner's sugar (I used all 4 because I upped the amount of Bailey's)
    1 stick butter, at room temperature
    3 to 4 tablespoons butter

    If you make these, let me know how they turn out! I happen to really enjoy them. I tried a "damaged" cupcake straight out of the oven and it tasted just like a brownie! Score! By the way, my Pandora radio station was set to The Kinks and I rocked out to some great British tunes during baking (probably not appropriate for an Irish baking session, but...). 


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