When I started this blog, it began as a place for me to reflect on "my journey through life". At the time, I was at a much different place in life (read: happier). My blog was not meant to be humorous nor was it meant to be bitter nor was it meant to be what it has become. It has since evolved into what you see before you. A place for me to rant and rave, bitch and moan, tell funny (hopefully) stories and bond with other bloggers about the woes of life.
23. I don't watch ANTM on a regular basis, but anytime there's a marathon on, I'm glued to the TV.
24. I can't really pin down what makes me happy. Not specifically, but when I
am happy, you'll know instantly because I make up little songs and dances and I spin.
25. I can't remember the last time in my life I was really, truly happy with my life.
26. I'm a really good multitasker, except when it comes to the big things, like education and relationships and career, then I have to choose one to focus on.
27. Most of the decisions I've made in my life were based on what other people wanted, not what I wanted myself. It's made for a very miserable life, but I'm working on living life for me now.
28. I live in constant fear of settling.
29. I don't trust words. I trust actions.
30. My favorite life advice comes from
Magic Hat beer caps.
31. I can't figure out if I'm more afraid of succeeding or of failing. I pick the middle road by not even trying.
32. My dad used to be the captain of a cargo ship. I was a world traveler until about age 8.
33. My dad's family owns a button factory in Iowa and were innovators in the pearl button industry. I think that's awesome.
34. I hate shopping. Any kind of shopping. Hate it.
35. I love helping people and making their lives easier. It makes me feel good, productive and accomplished.
36. My first
real boyfriend was abusive and cheated on me frequently. That was the first and the last time I ever allowed a guy to treat me that way.
37. I love my feet, my knees, my hips, and my collar bones. Basically all the bony parts of my body.
38. Mind-altering substances scare me a little. Not that I'm afraid of their effects, but that I would enjoy them too much and would end up on an episode of
Intervention.
39. I hate
stuff. I don't understand why people insist on having so much
stuff. Every time I move I purge more and more useless
stuff and it makes me feel so good.
40. I feel guilty over my grandfather's death. It's totally irrational and illogical, but I often wonder if he would have still fallen down the stairs if I had chosen
not to move away.
41. I don't know how to
want things. In my mind,
wanting something is wrong and a sign of weakness. I can't explain this. Well, I can, but we don't have the time to get into it.
42. I have to have a million and one things going on at once in order to not be bored.
43. I love strawberries.
44. I love music.
45. I love driving a stick shift. It makes me feel strong and powerful.
46. I'm terrified of having kids.
47. I hate spending other peoples money.
48. I often wish I could see myself through other people's eyes. I'm sure they don't see me the way I think they do.
49. I don't regret breaking up with any of my exes.
50. When it comes to intimate relationships, I think bodily functions should always remain private. Always. There are some things I just don't ever want to hear, see or smell. Ever.
51. I have scars on my body that make me severely insecure, force me to be extremely conscious of the way I do things at all times and make me fear the moment someone notices them and asks me about them.
52. I love getting dirty (you can interpret that any way you want).
53. I hate making small chitchat and will avoid encounters with people just to avoid meaningless chitchat.
54. I don't like day-hikes. If I'm going to put in the effort required to go hiking there better be a tent and a cozy sleeping bag at the end of the trail. And a campfire with S'mores.
55. I don't see the point in watching sports on TV. Unless it's the Super Bowl and I'm at a party with lots of alcohol and pizza. Otherwise, what's the point? I do enjoy the excitement of watching them in person. Except for baseball. And golf. And probably curling too.
56. I hate red roses. Hate them. I once got red roses for my birthday from a boyfriend. In November. My birthday is in January. Epic failure. I once received a bouquet of daisies from a guy I was dating. For no reason other than he thought I would like them. Epic success.
57. I'm severely indecisive and can never make up my mind about what I want or like. My brain literally becomes paralyzed whenever anyone asks me what I want or like. I'm
trying to work on this. It's not going so well.
58. I have a hard time
not judging people for their choice in music, reading material and other entertainment choices (like TV). Sorry.
59. I have sacrificed more of my life for relationships than I would like to admit. I'm trying to work on this.
60. I miss the friendships I had in high school.
61. I have an irrational fear of getting my haircut. Which is why I only get it cut once or twice a year. I've had so many bad experiences. Some day I would like to leave the hair salon with the hair cut I went in there expecting to get. Some day.
62. I have an irrational fear of birds.
63. It's easier for me to be friends with men than with women. I don't get the drama that comes along with having female friends. And I have a hard time relating to women. I'm not sure why.
64. I'm a chronic procrastinator.
65. I love sushi. I never thought I would, but I do.
66. I often wish I could get rid of all my stuff, jump in my car and drive away. Far, far away and start a brand new life where no one knows me. Kind of like Delia Grinstead in
Ladder of Years by Ann Tyler. Tyler's books always give me perspective on my life.
67. I love the cartoon,
Chowder.
68. I once dated a musician. He wrote a song about me. His band broke up not long after, before they even had a chance to perform the song in public. I was more bothered by that fact than the fact that we broke up as well not long after.
69. I've never had a successful one-night stand. And by successful, I mean, one in which the guy didn't want more. Some of my longest relationships were the result of failed one-night stands.
70. I love gumballs. I've never met a gumball I didn't love. Even the stale ones that have been sitting in the machine for 6 years.
71. I've become more spontaneous and less controlled as the years go by. And here I was afraid it would go the opposite way.
72. In college, I once allowed others to believe that I had slept with someone because I would have felt bad for the guy if his friends had found out the truth. (The truth was, I refused to sleep with him after discovering how small his penis was. I lied and told him I was having my period. And then I slept in my roommate's bed. He had a rep to maintain, and I didn't want to become the source of any suffering for him.)
73. I rarely ever give a shit about what others think about me in any given situation (see #72 above) because
I know the truth, and in my mind, that's all that matters.
74. I hate it when I'm forced to justify my actions to someone else. I would love it if I could just act of my own accord and only have to answer to myself.
75. After years and years and years of being in relationships, I feel like I'm all used up.
76. It's easier for me to tell this stuff to strangers than it is for me to tell this stuff to the people who love and care about me. I can't say I'm really trying to work on this.
77. I rarely wash my hands. Not properly at least.
78. I can't stand Molly Ringwald.
79. I can't stand anything really sugary sweet. Like girly drinks. And fancy pastries (egg issue aside). And frosting. And sweet tea. And sweet coffee. (Chocolate is the exception. As long as it isn't gag-me sweet)
80. I have four sisters and a brother. My stepfather always complained about being outnumbered when we were growing up. Now he has four grandsons (officially. Six unofficially, as in, not belonging to my siblings but to their significant others) and a granddaughter. Coincidence? I think not.
81. Only one of my siblings is married. But he's currently going through a divorce, so I guess it no longer counts.
82. Life just won't let me forget the person I'm trying to forget. Stupid life.
83. My mom bought me and my twin the
Betty Crocker Cookbook: Bridal Edition years ago, claiming that we'd never get married, so she might as well just buy it for us while it was still available. (Thanks Mom. Your faith in us is so uplifting and inspiring. And don't think I don't know what you're getting at when you hint that you'll never have anymore grandchildren. I get it. I'm an epic failure. I've accepted it. You should too.)
84. I often feel like the black sheep of the family.
85. I once had a student removed from an elective art class I was teaching because he was sexually harassing me. True story.
86. I hate it when people ask me for advice or expect me to comment on a predicament they've gotten themselves into. People rarely want the truth in these situations, and that's usually all I'm willing to dish out because I hate blowing smoke up people's asses.
87. My
sexuality often scares me and sometimes feels like more than I can handle (see #88 below).
88. I have a hard time remaining faithful in relationships. I'm trying to work on this.
89. I have a hard time letting people down/disappointing them/breaking their hearts/and so on and so on. It's a guilt thing. I blame my childhood. More specifically, my parents. I'm trying to work on this. (It's not going so well)
90. I believe that dying is like sleeping, but without the dreams.
91. I have a hard time believing in anything that isn't tangible.
92. I love to bake. And plan parties (but not necessarily attend them. I prefer to be behind the scenes. Unless it's of the beer-drinking variety. And especially if there's a bonfire.).
93. I once played a nerd in my class' senior play. I loved it. It fed the acting bug I had been harboring since the eighth grade, but I was realistic, and I knew that where I grew up, the opportunity would never present itself.
94. I love to cook but I only think it's worth the effort when I cook for someone(s) other than myself.
95. I have a bladder the size of a walnut. This isn't backed by any medical evidence, just by the fact that I have to pee ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME.
96. I have a heart-shaped uterus. This
is backed by medical evidence. You would think this would make for a more loving uterine environment. This is not the case. Apparently it makes for a more inhospitable one. Whatever. We'll cross that bridge if we ever get there.
97. I once had dreams of becoming a soccer superstar. But then I hurt my knee and lost all confidence in myself (FYI, this was just one of the
many downfalls that occurred in 1995).
98. I love my sisters. We're not all that close, so I often fear that they don't know this, but I do.
99. I prefer to make my own wrapping paper.
100. I don't eat fast food nor do I drink soda. I have no regrets about this.
101. I used to
hate my first name, but now I kind of like it. I just wish it were easier for people to remember it (Seriously, it's a month. What's so hard about remembering a month?).
This post has been very therapeutic for me. It won't even bother me if you didn't read through all 101 items because it meant more for me to write it than it did to have anyone read it (quite possibly related to #73?).
And that is that.
