shhh... it's a secret

Thursday, April 1, 2010

I ain't no fool. And it's not my month.

  
I desperately plead of you, future parents, please, for the love of all that is good and holy, please, please take your child into consideration before you name him or her. Think about the fact that he or she will need to live with this name for his or her ENTIRE LIFE. Neglecting to do so may result in your child resenting his or her name for his or her ENTIRE LIFE and quite possibly resenting you in the process.

Trust me on this one. I know. Sticking your child with an unfortunate name will have horrendous consequences. Not for you, but for your child. Say, for example, you name him or her after a month (this is purely hypothetical, of course), your child may have to suffer through a lifetime of exchanges and bad jokes quite similar to the following (not that I would know. I'm just saying.)...

"What's your name?"
"April."
"April? It's not April. It's June!"

"What's your name?"
"April."
"April? It's not April. It's October!"

"What's your name?"
"April."
"April? It's not April. It's March!" (you get the idea, right?)

"What's your name?"
"April."
"April? Does that mean you were born in April?"
"No, I was born in January."
"Then why did your parents name you April?"
"I honestly don't know."

"What's your name?"
"April."
"April? Does that mean you were born in April?"
"No, I was born in January."
"Then why didn't your parents name you January?"
"Because that would have been stupid, obviously."

"What's your name?"
"April."
"April? You must bring flowers when you shower, right?" (sly wink)
"Oh for the love of god"

"What's your name?"
"April."
"April? And your middle initial is 'M'?"
"Yes"
"As in April May?" (hahaha)
"No."

"What's your name?"
"April"
"April? So this must be May and June." (pointing at your two sisters)
"Wow, you're clever."

"Does anyone know what the date is tomorrow?"
"It's April 1st."
"April? April! It's your month!"
"No, really, it isn't."

Or my all time least favorite...

(In a sing-song voice) "April showers brings... the boys!"
"WTF?"

I once worked with a Chef who actually had an original April joke, and it really was clever. I wish I could remember it...

And for your entertainment, in honor of today... 

April, acting looking like a fool (because apparently I deleted all the foolish acting pics from my computer. Sorry)...



9 comments:

Krista said...

The mystery is solved. You were named after a woman that Dad had the hots for. He told me so himself. So was Shelley. Nice, huh?

April said...

I thought that's where your name came from? Classy, Dad. Real classy.

Shelley Weber said...

Yeah, I remember being told that Krista was a name of someone dad had the hots for on a soap or something and my name was an ex girlfriend of his... I used to think it was my first name, but later on sometime that changed and was led to believe it's my middle name... though of course my memory doesn't make sense sometimes. Did he say it was Shelley or Melina? I thought I was told April was just a name they liked. Guess not.
At any rate, this whole thing speaks volumes.

April said...

@Shelley- I recall hearing the same...

Sassy said...

Dude, I feel your pain!

Guy: What's your name?
Me: Una
Guy: Is your sister's name Dos?
Me: No habla Ingles, dipshit.

Yoj said...

My name is pronounced Gina, but spelled Jeanna. I can relate- although I don't get the jokes, I get the mispronunciations.

My Mom said she just couldn't name me Stevie- b/c my Dad had an unhealthy lust for Stevie Nicks of Fleetwood Mac. Crisis averted? Possibly.

WhisperingWriter said...

My name is Amber. But my middle name is Star, which always gets odd looks. Most people think I'm making it up. Why would I make it up!?

April said...

@ Sassy- You win. The April jokes suck, but at least it's a name people are familiar with. (Interestingly enough, though, not everyone can spell April correctly. Huh.) Your comment brings to mind the infamous Letterman Uma-Oprah joke of the '95 Oscars? Remember that one?

@ Yoj- I can totally see the problem people would have with that, because, I mean, I never know how to pronounce 'Jean' or 'na'. {note the sarcasm}

@ Whisp- I'm totally looking at you odd right now. I gotta tell you, I once worked with a Star, and it seems less kooky as a first name than a middle name. No offense. Ooh! Think of all the fun to be had if Una's middle name were Star...

Dumbass: What's your name?
Una: Una Star
Dumbass: Whoah... you're a star
Una: Damn straight!

(In my head, I imagine Dumbass is stoned)

Krista said...

The way I heard the naming story (and this was in 2007, direct from Dad's mouth which is "always" reliable) is that both April and Shelley were named after other (real) women (either had the hots for or was an ex-Shelley, I believe it was your first name? But I cannot recall verbatim). And "Krista" came from the woman on Dallas. That must have made Mom feel awesome! (I wonder if she knows?)

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