shhh... it's a secret

Thursday, April 8, 2010

What I lack in maturity, I make up for in experience.

I've been quite discouraged about my life recently. I was super cool about turning 30 in January, but lately... I'm feeling... less... accomplished than I feel I should be at this point in my life. I can't explain why I feel this way, but I do. It's irrational, I know, but I didn't expect to find myself unemployed and living with 5 girls that I could have had as students in a house that could be foreclosed on any day now. And I was hoping to have a dog.

My instability in life has resulted in me feeling, on numerous occasions, obligated to defend not only my abilities but my knowledge and my right to voice my opinion. Let me explain... I have been told I don't look a day over 23. Fantastic. No, really, this is great. HOWEVER, I feel like others treat me like I'm 23, and I'm not. Whenever I'm with a group of people who matter I often feel like whenever I speak, people are thinking, "What is this naive 23 year-old talking about it? How can she possibly know?" I'm then placed in the position where I have to defend my right to speak. I'm not 23! I have experience! No, I'm not employed right now... and no, I don't have a family... and no, I don't actually have anywhere to call home... but, dammit! I'VE LIVED!! Which is more than I can say for most people my age.

I recently had someone tell me I had an interesting life. Honestly, this shocked me. What? Me? An interesting life? How do you figure? I know one or two people who have expressed envious feelings about me and my life, but I've never thought of it as interesting! This perplexed me. Then this got me thinking... and damn! You're right! I DO have an interesting life! In an attempt to make myself feel accomplished and successful despite my lack of accomplishment and success at life's milestones, I made this handy-dandy list of all the things I can think of that make my life interesting (in exact order of how I thought of em'). Enjoy!

* I once got paid to spend a week in Sun Valley, Idaho in a gorgeous house with catered meals. Oh, and we drove through the town that Bruce and Demi own (okay, they don't actually own it, but they might as well. It's called Hailey, by the way, and if you click on the link, you can see that Blaine County Idaho has a dick. Go check it out. Tell me what you think.)

* I've been on a private, fully catered plane. It was awesome. Rich people who can afford private planes get to bypass all security measures. For real! The only thing I had to do was show them my ID.

* I once ate meatballs made out of walnuts. They were nasty, but I didn't feel I had the right to complain since they were free and a "perk" of my free Idaho trip.

* I was once a nanny for a NYC baby who freaked-out anytime I set him down on the grass, but that little tyke LOVED to crawl around on concrete. Weirdo!

* I once spent the night in an upscale Manhattan apartment and visited a penthouse on Central Park West (in my ripped up jeans and stinky-ass thrift-shop t-shirt. Sometimes I really embarrass myself.)

* I once ate lunch on the steps of the Met.

* I became a world traveler before the age of seven and flew on a plane with my sister ALL BY OURSELVES in the 2nd grade.

* I once ruled the world! You know, if the world were a cargo ship called the American Condor. My dad was the captain once upon a time and my sisters and I had free reign of the ship (being the captains daughters and all. You want to play hide-n-seek in the cargo area? Done! You want to watch movies and play darts in the rec room/bar? Go for it! Free candy from the locked storage room? By all means! You don't like what is being served for dinner and want the chefs to whip you up a grilled cheese sandwich? You're the boss!)

(Our childhood playground The American Condor)

* I not only met Marky-Mark and his posse but had a brief conversation with him. That dude is short! But way cool and friendly.

(the dude is hot! Source)

* I've made change for Chris Noth.

(this dude USED to be hot. Source)

* I can drive a stick-shift (in a world where the standard is quickly becoming not-so standard).

* I drink beer and whiskey. In my eyes, this makes me interesting. I have been welcomed in to many male-centric social circles because of this (at least that's what I'd like to believe, thank you very much).

* I eat raw fish.

* My grandfather was head of the athletic department at a university (he was famous! Well, at least among gym teachers. There was a time when it was hard to find a gym teacher who DIDN'T know my grandfather).

(my grandpa)

I'm getting my Master's degree.

* I've lived in countless number of habitats with countless number of cohabitants. (You can read about that, among other things, here)

* I can bake pretty much anything. And I kick ass at planning parties and organizing annual Cookie Weekends.

* I've seen Bob Dylan in concert.

* I've driven a Lexus.

* I've met governors from two different states. 

(Source. and Source)

* I was molested by little girls. While I was babysitting them. On more than one occasion. (I'm still traumatized by this. Moving on...)

* I've up and relocated to a new town/city without a job, or a home or any real plan on more than one occasion... all on my own.

* I've had relations in hotel windows overlooking the waterfront of two major US cities. (Shhh... don't tell anyone)

* I know sign language.

* I've frolicked in a fountain in the Netherlands. (okay, frolicking isn't quite the way to put it. More like I was dared to run under it. By my dad. When I was 4 or 5. And I got SOAKED. Thanks Dad.)

* Not only have I ridden the DC Metro numerous times, but I liked it!

* I've seen Phish in concert. And the Dead (sans Jerry).

* I've been to dirty, muddy, questionable music festivals in the middle of the woods.

* I went dancing in Montreal. (Once. I hate dance clubs.)

* I've smoked weed with Antiguan cooks and eaten breakfast with Irish jockeys (of the horse riding kind).

* My (distant) family owns a button factory. In Muscatine, Iowa. True story.

(the first button factory)

 * My distant uncle cousin was involved in one of the biggest art scandals of the 20th century. True story. (It was even in the works to turn the scam into a movie. Guess it never worked out though.)

(trustworthy looking man, huh?)

*  I've won awards for my artwork (read: $) and even sold a piece of work once.

* I've been present for a real life child birthing. I was 16 at the time and had the honor of holding my older sister's leg during the process. I almost past passed out. Bleh.

(the not-so little bundle of joy, 14 years later, with the latest addition to the OBG's nephews roster)

* I'm a published writer. I think I was 16 or 17 at the time I wrote this. It was deep.

* I once had a phone conversation with a member of Rush, but I can't remember who it was. They were in town for a concert and had called the restaurant I was working at to make arrangements for some post-show bash or something along those lines. 

* I've modeled. Twice. (Okay, both times were for friends who were doing a photo project for school, but you never know, they might be famous some day. Maybe.)
(Source. This Facebook link may or may not work for you.)

* I survived a skiing trip in the mountains of West Virginia. West Virginia is slightly frightening.

And there you have. All the things I can think of that make me pretty damn interesting. I can't wait to see what life brings me next so I can expand upon this. I ♥ my life!


Krista said...

I would like to submit a correction for you, the art thief was our fifth cousin, not a distant uncle. And a correction for you to consider, you may want to change it to "passed" out, not "past".... :-)

Krista said...

P.S. Good list, although there were some I could have made it through my day without knowing. :-)

The mad woman behind the blog said...

Yup, damn interesting. I have a only slightly scandalous/interesting story to share today...feel free to come by.

You know who's short: JC Chasez from InSync. Okay, I'll save my name dropping for my own blog.

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