shhh... it's a secret

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Twelve hours and two torrential downpours later...


... and I'm back in VA. I think it was around hour 8 or 9 that my back started protesting loudly and angrily. But I made it, the car made it, and I have tons of ideas for future posts. Seriously, what else do you do on such a long road trip by yourself. Well, besides the obvious- crank the tunes, dance in your seat and sing as loud as you can. Yes, I'm that person. Laugh all you want but I have fun on my solo road trips (at least for the first 5 hours), plus, it helps to combat fatigue and increases blood flow. Who's laughing now?

Yesterday I posted a series of questions for you to all ponder while I was suffering the horrors of driving. But what am I saying? You were all there, so you know, right? At any rate, I promised to post my answers today (you know, because I'm tired and don't have the brain power right now to write about anything more clever).

Well, here goes... 

* If you have the ability to easily let someone off the hook for something they're sweating over, do you? Or do you think, "Huh, I could tell so-and-so to not worry about it, maybe some other time, however, I'm really curious as to what excuse so-and-so will come up with this time. And furthermore, if this is always so-and-so's idea, and so-and-so always cancels, shouldn't so-and-so be made to sweat over the lame excuses?"
Well, if you're anything like me (and you're probably not, lucky you) you tend to jump to conclusions and assume that so-and-so is hemming and hawing over what excuse to use this time when, in fact, they're just super busy and haven't replied to your text because they were under the impression that you were going to call them (which, after it has been pointed out to you, you vaguely remember agreeing to). So, under this incorrect assumption, you bow out of the plans, citing various lame-o excuses just to save yourself the agony of going through that again, and, in all honesty, you weren't entirely sure it would be in your best interest anyway. And then so-and-so immediately responds to you and expresses their extreme disappointment that you're bailing and tries to get you to change your mind, but at this point, for various reasons, it's too late and then you end up spending the rest of the night (and subsequently, the next day as well) kicking yourself for being such an idiot. {sigh}
* Pennsylvania or New Jersey? PA or NJ? The long route or the aggravating route? PA? NJ?
Pennsylvania. And it actually had nothing to do with trying to avoid NJ. So, yeah.
* Which is more important in life, security or happiness? (I may or may not have recently watched The Wedding Singer)
God, where do I even start on this one? The responsible (and unemployed) adult in me says security (don't judge me, please), however, the romantic adventurer in me says happiness. In a perfect world, we could have both. I'm beginning to believe less and less that we live in a perfect world (I know. Shocking, right?). I've always believed, that above everything else, the most important thing in life is to be happy and live for yourself. Unfortunately, my bank account disagrees with me.
* What's the best music for a summer road trip?
She & Him. TV on the Radio. Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs. The Black Keys. The White Stripes. The Dead Weather. Adele. The Antlers. The XX. The Killers. According to my iPod at least. If the funds were available, there definitely would have been some last minute additions to the list (read: David Byrne, Noah and the Whale and The Kinks). Unfortunately, I did a piss poor job of prioritizing my music purchases before my gift card ran out.
* Do you believe in soul mates? Explain your answer. And furthermore, is it best to have known your soul mate and lost him/her or to have never known him/her at all? (I may or may not have recently watched 500 Days of Summer)
Okay. I've never been a believer in soul mates. Of course, up until a month or so ago I was also in extreme denial of the romantic that lives inside me. I always felt that the idea of soul mates was all a bit hokey. It was my belief that there were no such things, just people that you can get along with. And once you stopped getting along with someone, you just moved on to the next person you got along with (totally un-romantic, I know, but remember that whole denial thing?). Of course, that's probably the child-of-divorce speaking, but whatever. That being said, I may or may not believe in soul mates now. And we're leaving it at that. Oh, and as for the second part of the question, I'm leaning towards having never known, despite what the rest of you think.

There.  Now excuse me while I go and plan out those super kick-ass posts I came up with on my journeys. Or not. In case you haven't noticed, I'm the kind of person who frequently starts things and then never finishes. Or never gets around to starting in the first place. True story. In fact, I have 4 drafts just chilling out, waiting to be finished. Or started.

And of course, since I really hate posting without pics, here's a few from my adventures in Northern NY.


Oh, and one more thing... 

Remember how you I used to regale you with tales of my adventures that were just so shameful I couldn't actually tell you about them? Man it's been awhile since I've had on of those weekends, huh? It may interest you to know that I'll be attending a party in DC this weekend. I am assured that drinking games will be played (wanna come? Seriously? Want to?), which means, I may have fantastic and humiliating stories to tell you on Monday that I will be too ashamed of to tell you about. Yay[ex.pt.]

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Whoopsy! (Is it really only Wednesday?)

      
Okay, okay, okay, so TODAY I'm finally headed to the freakin' post office and continuing on back to DC. 

I swear, Northern NY is a death trap. A black hole. There are forces at work here that I can't even begin to explain. They throw obstacles in your path left and right and get you so downtrodden that you start to believe that you actually want to stay in this desolate part of the world.

It sure is pretty though. And laid-back and easy-going. And the sunshine sure is warm and inviting. I'm sure it wouldn't be that bad...

No, no, no! I'm jumping in the car RIGHT NOW

Well, maybe after a cup of coffee. That drive back sure will be a doozy.

In the meantime, I have some philosophical (as philosophical as one can be without coffee) questions for you to ponder. 
  • If you have the ability to easily let someone off the hook for something they're sweating over, do you? Or do you think, "Huh, I could tell so-and-so to not worry about it, maybe some other time, however, I'm really curious as to what excuse so-and-so will come up with this time. And furthermore, if this is always so-and-so's idea, and so-and-so always cancels, shouldn't so-and-so be made to sweat over the lame excuses?"
  • Pennsylvania or New Jersey? PA or NJ? The long route or the aggravating route? PA? NJ?
  • Which is more important in life, security or happiness? (I may or may not have recently watched The Wedding Singer)
  • What's the best music for a summer road trip?
  • Do you believe in soul mates? Explain your answer. And furthermore, is it best to have known your soul mate and lost him/her or to have never known him/her at all? (I may or may not have recently watched 500 Days of Summer)
Okay, now discuss. I'm feeling brave and daring and have decided to allow unmoderated comments. Ooh, I am living on the edge.
                     
I'll answer these questions myself tomorrow. Possibly. Assuming I ever make it on the road today. In other words, GO AWAY! I've got places to be. Jeesh.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

RST: Post office and the XX

      

Random Shit Tuesday will not be seen today.

Why? Because hopefully I've finally gotten my lazy butt to the post office to check my mail. Which I haven't done in about three weeks. I mean, hello[ex.pt.] It's only four-ish hours away (from my current location. Six-ish from my Virginia location).

*Based on the comments I'm receiving, I should clarify this. My post office is four-six hours away because I have yet to change my mailing address or forward my mail since I don't really have anywhere to forward it to. My post office box at my last address in NY is paid for through October, so I figured I would keep it as long as I'm able to pass through the area once a month. Plus, all I really get in the mail are store fliers and other junk mail, so it's not that big of a deal. Sorry for the confusion.*

In the meantime, for your viewing (and listening) pleasure...




See you all back here tomorrow (maybe).

Monday, July 19, 2010

Previously on OBG... 1.6

                  
Although inspired in part by a true incident, 
the following story is fictional 
and does not depict any actual person or event.*
        
When we last left OBG...
                 
...she had an enjoyable weekend in Alexandria, despite the presence of obnoxious people and hair bugs. She also enjoyed watching horror movies, killing zombies and playing a new video game, which, for the life of her, she can't remember what it was called. Her attempts to create a debate between the pro- and anti-Nicolas Cage camps failed as did her campaign to bring down the tyrannical 1 and !. She also expressed her disgust for all things celebrity and social media related and chose to take a break from reality and traveled to Northern New York for a pseudo-reunion of sorts.

We now join OBG on Saturday evening at "Cobble" where she is hangin' with Twin and some former high school classmates.
Twin: I can't believe my son is three already and my youngest little guy is going to be one in August...
Cess: I miss my gremlins. I wish they could have come with me. Lu is so precocious and Mase is getting so big and Laney is growing up so fast...
A.T.D.: I left the kids at home with Dad. I wear the pants in the family and he's my bitch. He had no choice but to stay home with them while I came out and partied with the girls...
Terra T: Sorry I'm late. I had to wait for the babysitter to show up...
Rye-Dog (pulling photos from back pocket): Did you see the pics of my new baby girl? Isn't she beautiful? Just look at those eyes. Don't they make your heart melt? Yeah, she's at home with the wifey while I'm out for some brews with the guys. I'm probably in the dog house, but...
K.T.: Did you see the blond hair on my little guy? Isn't he so cute? Check out those glasses? He's such a nerdy three year old, but aren't those specs so endearing? Did I tell you about my upcoming nuptials...
Twin: Seriously guys, Benny Bugger is already starting to walk and Owen B'Dowen says the darnedest things. For example, just the other day we were in the kitchen and... 
Cess: Oh my god, you would not believe what Lu said the other day. We were in the car and...
A.T.D.: I can't believe T-Welch couldn't find a babysitter. Actually, I can't believe she couldn't get J-Welch to stay home with the kids. They're his kids too...
Terra T: My mom was so late showing up to watch the kids, but I love that she'll watch them so I can go out...
Rye-Dog: Have you stopped in and seen the wifey and the new baby yet? You really should. Feel free to stop in anytime tomorrow. I won't be there, but she will. No, anytime is good for her, I'm sure...
K.T.: Yeah, I was driving home with the fiance's daughter and I couldn't believe the attitude she had after spending time with her mother, and I told her...
OBG (looking up from her red plastic Solo cup at the circle of people): Damn. Anyone else think these drinks are extremely weak? I mean, is there any liquor in here? All I can taste is soda. What the fuck? 
Twin, A.T.D., Cess, Rye-Dog, K.T., Terra T (Conversations come to an abrupt halt. Blank stares all around).

Next time on OBG...
                        
...will OBG ever have anything in common with her high school classmates again? Did K.T. actually call OBG an alkie? Will OBG ever be able to return home to visit without feeling like the walls are closing in on her? How come the same fuse keeps blowing in OBG's car, and how many times will she have to replace the damn thing before she breaks down and has it looked at? How much longer will OBG's laptop last? Has it really begun to eat her files? If not, where did those missing files run off to? Will it ever stop raining? Will OBG have the energy to drive back down South tomorrow or will she delay her return trip one more day? And how come she never gets to see the people from her hometown that she would really like to see? Will she get the chance to meet up with Pooh, Stormey and/or SMos on her way back through the Hudson Valley and NYC? And furthermore, was there any alcohol in those drinks? I mean, seriously? And how did OBG manage to go to the bar with $50 and leave with $55?

Stay tuned for the next episode of OBG, where all of these questions will be answered. Or none of them. It could go either way.

* I freely used my poetic license for this reenactment. The conversations didn't quite go as I have alluded to here, but this account wasn't that far off the mark either.

Friday, July 16, 2010

If I made a list of every place I've left my panties...

  
...well, I could add one more place to my list. My sister's bathroom. Lovely. Usually I leave stuff at my family's houses when I leave (a razor, a washcloth, soap). Apparently I'm raising the bar and leaving decidedly more embarrassing things behind when I arrive.

And I really don't want to know who it was that picked my dirty undies up off the floor, folded them, and then placed them on the bathroom counter. Was it my 14 year old nephew? My sister's boyfriend? My sister? (Oh please, dear God, let it have been my sister.) Here's hoping I get out of the house tomorrow without having to see any of them. You know, aside from the hour long car trip with my nephew when I take him to hockey camp in the morning. *Sigh* I mortify myself.
Now imagine these are yellow and white striped with a blue picot trim, the ribbon on front is blue, and take away the eagle. 
Oh and throw in a few rhinestones. Yup! That would the undies in question.

So, in case you missed the memo, I'm in New York for a few days. I intend on having tons of fun with my sisters and nephews. So much fun I won't have time to blog (well, that and I will have no access to high-speed wireless internet. Only *gasp* dial-up!). 

So, have a great weekend and catch you all on Monday. Or Tuesday. Definitely Wednesday. Yeah, Wednesday.

(For the record, I hate the word panties, but underwear didn't quite fit in the title.)

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Writing Workshop Wednesday

              
List ten things you are currently sick of.
  1. Celebrity "News"- I don't care about Mel Gibson's phone conversations or about Michael Jackson's suspicious death. I don't care about so-and-so cheating on whats-her-name or about Mrs. Lipo divorcing Mr. Botox. I couldn't pick Snooki out of a line-up and honestly, I don't even know if I spelled her name right. The only news I want to hear coming out of New Jersey is that its roads have miraculously repaired themselves, people have learned to drive and it no longer smells like ass-crack. My life is not made any better knowing that Jessica Simpson has gained weight, Britney Spears has no neck, and Jennifer Love is magically thin again. I get it. They're people. They do things. They say things. Shit happens to them. Sometimes these things are good. Sometimes these things are bad. Can we please get over it already and move on to more important things?
  2. Social Media- Ironic, right? Well, it's not helping me any right now. It's not making me feel better about myself. It's not getting me a job. It's not making my thighs any smaller. In fact, it's having the exact opposite effect. I think we might have to break up.
  3. Political Poll Results- Does anyone really place any value on those things anymore? How? Why? Studies are starting to show that polls may no longer be accurately representing the general population as more and more people are becoming cellphone-only users. Pollsters can only poll people who are at home and are on landlines. Who do you know that still uses a landline? My Republican parents do. I'm just saying. For further reading, read this. For those too lazy to read, listen to this.
  4. A/C- Ugh. It dries out my hair, my nose and my skin. It gives me headaches and makes me sleepy. I am sooooo over A/C. Give me the heat, the humidity, a freezer full of ice, a spray bottle and a fan and I am good to go (Hey, it worked when I was younger. We didn't have fancy air conditioning back in them there mountains.)
  5. Cats and everything cat related- There. I said it. I'm sure I'm going to make tons of enemies on this one and possibly lose some followers, but I don't really care (see #2). I hate cats. I don't care about your cats. I don't care to see pictures of cats with corny captions. I don't care that you went on vacation and had to leave your precious wittle kitties behind and you miss them soooo much. And no one else on Facebook cares either. I think cats are stuck-up and icky. And they make me sneeze too.
  6. Vegetables- This one perplexes me. I have always been a vegetable lover. Even when I was a wee child. Broccoli? Yes please. Asparagus? Oh yeah. Brussels sprouts? Green beans? Corn on the Cob? Yes, yes and yes. The more vegetables on my plate, the merrier I be. Except for lately. As in within the past 3-4 months. I can not stand the thought of eating a vegetable. It makes me want to gag. Literally. I get that metallic, I'm about to gag or puke, mouth watering thing going on whenever I think about putting a veggie in my mouth. What the fuck?
  7. LOL, LMAO, OMG, and so on and so on- WTF, people? No seriously, what the fuck? If I have to see one more goddamn "LOL" I'm going to hurt someone. No one in real life says, as a response to something, "Laughing out loud". I mean, imagine how that would play out. BETTY: "...and then I fell up the stairs!" VERONICA: "Laughing out loud." BETTY: "WTF, Veronica?" That isn't even grammatically correct! Who's laughing out loud? Are you laughing out loud, because if you were I'm pretty sure I would know, because I could hear it, because you'd be laughing, out loud, and I have ears. And does it really take that much more effort to write, "That's funny" or "You made me laugh with your witty commentary"? I don't think so. And what the hell does "ROFL" mean, because every time I see it I think you're referencing vomiting but don't know how to spell "ralph".
  8. The radio- In fact, I stopped listening to it. I couldn't even begin to tell you what gets played on it anymore.
  9. Hangovers- Enough already. I get it. Seriously, you can stop bothering me now. I know what you are. I know what you feel like. Move on already. There are plenty of people out there who don't know what you're all about. Go bother them and let me have my productive Sundays back, please?
  10. Adults who watch cartoons- I'm not talking about adults who watch cartoons from their own childhood while reminiscing about Saturday mornings spent in front of the TV with a bowl of CoCo Rice Krispies in their lap. And I'm not talking about adults who have children and get sucked into cartoon watching with them (as an excuse?). I'm talking about adults who watch cartoons with no children present. Like Spongebob. (Adult cartoons being the exception. Like Archer.)

This post was brought to you by...
 

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

RST: Bugs, Killer Klowns, 1/!, tapas, Nic Cage, NY, and new stuff


It's Tuesday, which means, time again for another Random Shit Tuesday

    
My randomness...

First off, I totally dropped the ball on this week's Previously On OBG... I really wanted to make it funny and upbeat, and I wanted it to reflect the good weekend I had, but, well, it just kind of fizzled out. I didn't even tell you about the the geeky goth biker chick (yes, it was a very interesting combo) who came into Bilbo's Saturday night. Her get-up wasn't the most shocking part about her. I've certainly seen worse. The part of her that really grabbed Jessapeake's and my attention was her hair. Well, not exactly her hair, which was waist length, thick and sort of snarly, but it was what was in her hair. It was a white bug that we believed to be either a fat worm or a beetle. And it hung out in her hair the whole night. It was squirming and burrowing and trying to fight its way out. It was gross. We felt really bad for the cute chickie next to her because we were convinced that every time biker babe flipped her hair, that bug was going to go flying and land on blondie. It didn't though. That critter was in their deep. 

Oh, and I completely forgot to include these two pics in this week's Previously On OBG... which are from, obviously, Killer Klowns from Outer Space.


***

I would like to take this moment to bring your attention to a new campaign that I would like to promote, The Anti-1 and ! Campaign. Yup, you heard it here first. The movement to eliminate the number '1' and the punctuation '!' from everyday use. The time has come to end the oppression felt around the world because of the elitist 1 and !.

No more will we suffer from the pressure of being #1. No more will #2 have to look up to and feel second best to #1. And since, as the old adage goes, it's lonely at the top, 1 will no longer be the loneliest number because, well, it just won't exist anymore.

No more will punctuation feel second-rate compared to !. No longer will ! turn it's nose up at the other punctuation (hey, it's not like they had their own perfume). No more will we have to suffer the excessive use of !.

Make a statement without saying a word.
[Insert clever period joke here]

Let's stop the madness people. Abolish the use of these two vicious characters.

Okay, well maybe this movement won't pick up speed. Whatever. I'm all for it. And yeah, it might have something to do with the fact that my 1/! button on my keyboard is busted and I'm tired of repeatedly hitting it, hoping to get something out of it. I'm tired of searching text for a 1 and ! that I can copy and paste. So, if you find that I'm lacking energy or oomph lately, it's not you, it's me. Well, more like my keyboard.

***

One of my favorite things about living near a big city is trying all sorts of new food. I've done Thai, Ethiopian, Russian, Irish, Sushi, and so on and so on. Well, this past weekend I had the chance to eat at a Spanish Tapas Restaurant in Alexandria, La Tasca. I have truly enjoyed my food adventures, and Spanish tapas is certainly no exception. In case you don't know what "tapas" are, they are small, almost appetizer sized dishes.


WHAT I ATE/DRANK:
* Atun a la Plancha
- Herb-crusted grilled sushi tuna loin, cooked medium rare, and "piquillos" sweet peppers.
* Brocheta de Gambas y Vieras
- Grilled skewer of shrimp and scallops wrapped in bacon.
* Aritos de la Huerta
- Deep fried onion, green and red pepper rings.* Arroz Cremoso de Setas
- Spanish risotto with Manchego cheese, Porcini and wild mushrooms.* Buey al Jerez
- Grilled Angus beef steak slices in a sherry mushroom sauce, served with fried fingerling potatoes.
* Sangria Rosada
- Rose wine mixed with grape juice, strawberries and blueberries.  
MY THOUGHTS:
Yum! I loved the food. I loved the experience. I loved the Sangria. I wish I could eat like this every day. The service was great. Not too absent but not too present. I can't wait to go again.
WOULD I ORDER IT AGAIN:
Oh yes, yes I would. But with so many menu items, I would definitely want to try all new dishes in the future as well.

***

I loved watching Fantasia when I was little. Loved it. 


I can't tell you how disappointed I am to learn about The Sorcerer's Apprentice starring Nicolas Cage. NICOLAS CAGE, folks. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I despise Nicolas Cage. I mean, the man doesn't even know how to smile or show any sort of facial expressions. 

 You call that a smile?

And can't he just accept the fact that he's balding and have some dignity when styling his hair? There are plenty of attractive bald men out there. One of the things that makes them attractive is that they have come to terms with their baldness and have embraced it. Think Bruce Willis. Enough with the long, combed-back thinning hair, Nic. Get it cut already. Or buzzed. Who cares. Just accept that you don't have glorious hair and move on. Oh, and the dude can't act either.

***

I'm headed to back to NY in a day or two for about a week to see a few of my sisters and some old high school friends. I'm super excited, but this means I'll be posting sporadically, and I might be MIA for a few days. While I'm away, may I recommend some reading material to you? Check these 5 good reads out..


***

Crap. I keep forgetting about this. Here are a few pics of me wearing some new items that I absolutely love. I meant to do a bigger write-up about them, but I keep forgetting, so this will have to do. Sorry for the cop-out. 


My Out of Print tee (and the skirt I've been wearing for a week straight).


Blah. Now enough about me. I want to know what's going on in your life. Got any good stories to share? Been to any yummy restaurants? Try any new food? Get any new goodies that you love?
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