"It wasn't me, Officer, I swear. And you can't prove that it was... oh."

   

The other day I headed into the office of one of my schools and walked in on the middle of a serious conversation. 

The Administrative Assistant (aka "Head Secretary") was relaying a story to the Principal about something that happened when she and a couple of the other secretaries were in the back soccer field for their daily walk. 

While out for their stroll, they stumbled upon part of the chain-link fence that had been torn down by an automobile, which they had concluded based on the tire tracks that had ripped up the entire soccer field.

The Principal, very concerned, stated that this incident needed to be immediately reported to Security. She also expressed that she hoped, but doubted, that they would be able to catch the person(s) who had damaged the fields. 

At this point the Admin. Assist. stood up and said, "Oh, I don't think that should be a problem" as she pulled something out from behind her desk and dropped it onto the counter.

That's right, folks, the vandals had left behind their license plate. Mounting system and all. 

And for the record, some principals just don't have a sense of humor. Especially when someone suggests to them, during a conversation about something as serious as vandalism, that maybe someone should report the incident to Dumb Criminals.

If this is how the day is going to start...

   

Dear Blogger:

Why, why, why must you automatically save my drafts so quickly? Why, when I make a mistake, and hit Ctrl Z one too many times must that last time delete my entire post that I spent hours working on? And then, when I try to recover it, I am unable to because you automatically saved the deletion mere seconds after I made the oopsie? 

I am not happy. It is your fault (and yes, admittedly, partially mine as well) that my "Previously on OBG" post will not be seen today. And it was a good one too. Well, it might have been. We'll never know now, will we? For all we know that post would have been the one to finally get me the attention and followers I've been yearning for (but not really. I read that post. It wasn't that great).

Thanks, Blogger. Thanks.

Sincerely,

One Blonde Girl

Behind the Music: The Anti-Electrics

    

They were about to embark on a journey together. Fulfilling a life-long dream. Little did they know it would change their lives forever. 

One boring, lonely weekend in suburbia hell, Malcolm and Tori found themselves agreeing to form a band. And not just any band, oh no, they were forming a rock band. Their prior knowledge of being in a band was limited. Malcolm once played organ at his church and had spent many weekends with friends playing guitar in their living rooms. Tori had once played clarinet in her school's band in middle school. Neither one of them could sing, so they immediately agreed to look outside their coupling for vocals. They chose their instruments easily enough, Malcolm on guitar and Tori on drums. Settling on a name would prove to be much more difficult.

After tossing around various different ideas, Malcolm suggested "Fuzzy Electric Peaches" while Tori wanted "The Fraggles". 

"'Fuzzy Electric Peaches' evoked images of hairy vaginas in my mind. I really didn't want our fans to associate us with twats sporting five o'clock shadows. I was against that name from the start," claims Tori.

She told Malcolm as much too, and he explained that that was the whole point of the name. Seeing no compromise in sight, Tori suggested they decide what direction they wanted their band to head in, theorizing that this would make the name choice easier.

Malcolm saw folk rock in their future. Tori was envisioning alternative/punk rock.

As legend tells it, Tori became exasperated and discouraged by her and Malcolm's differences and feared for the fate of their band before it even had a chance to exist. She told Malcolm to go ahead and name the band whatever he wanted, but for the record, she was "anti-Electric".

And a band was born, and they called themselves The Anti-Electrics.

"I was okay with the new name, but I insisted we add the 'the' to it," interviews Tori, "All great bands have 'the' in their names, The White Stripes, The Rolling Stones, The Kinks, The Black Keys, The Shins."

The Anti-Electrics began their tour in New York City, where the crowd received them well enough. As a cover band, Malcolm and Tori discovered creating a set list was no easy task. Malcolm favored The Beastie Boys and Survivor while Tori preferred the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Bikini Kill and Interpol. They agreed on Beck, Radiohead and Talking Heads.

As their skill level and ability to please the crowd increased, so did The Anti-Electrics' consumption of whiskey and beer during performances.

"I wouldn't say our alcohol use really affected our performances at the start, but I did notice as we gradually began booking more shows, our stage fright disappeared and our awkward nervousness became nonexistent. I think, in the beginning, the booze really helped to loosen us up and make our performances more entertaining." Tori laughs, "I remember this one show, it was between sets, and Malcolm and I were joking around backstage and I remember we had had a few drinks, and I couldn't find my drumsticks, and I said to Malcolm, 'Hey, man, have you seen my guitar sticks?'" Tori chuckles, "To this day I still refer to them as my 'guitar sticks'. It became a running inside joke between Mal and I, you know?"

As their popularity grew, so did their need to hire a manager. Much to Malcolm's dismay, The Anti-Electrics decided to hire a real manager, resulting in the firing of his mother. 

"I remember Malcolm took that pretty hard," interviews Pete, former vocalist for The Anti-Electrics, "I had only been with the band for a few months, I think I was the third, no, maybe the fourth singer they had hired, any ways, I started with the band just when its popularity took off and we were in need of a real manager. Mal's mom had been doing the job for years, but she just wasn't able to bring in the big shows."

Now booking shows in cities like Boston and Chicago, The Anti-Electrics were quickly becoming a household name. As the pressure to put on stellar performances increased, so did the distance between the band's founding members. 

"You know, from day one we wanted to go in different directions. We tried to compromise with our song selections, but it was hard for both of us to play certain sets. I remember there were plenty of times Mal had to carry the set on stage. I just couldn't get into the groove, you know? But, then again, there were times when the crowd was on the verge of booing him off stage. Looking back on it now, I guess I should have known in Boston that the pressure was really beginning to come between us," Tori interviews.

The fame began affecting Malcolm and creating resentment within the band. Malcolm started spending the band's money frivolously and took to performing shirtless. Tori retreated further into the comforts of her own punk/goth style while the image of the band changed as frequently as the band's lead singer and bassist. It wasn't unusual for fans to attend two shows in the same week and discover that half of the members had been replaced in between shows. Again.

At the end of their tour in Boston, The Anti-Electrics finally fell apart. 

"We'd been at it forever, it seemed. It was just one show after another. We were drinking too much, eating too little and Mal had taken to doing drugs in between sets. Nothing serious, just a little Mary Jane here and there, but it was definitely affecting his ability to perform on stage," Molly, former singer for The Anti-Electrics, explains. "Tori was really holding her own out there, and she was always the most energetic performer on stage. I know she was ready to continue the tour onto Chicago and even San Francisco, but it just wasn't meant to be."

The crumbling of The Anti-Electrics was even becoming evident to hard-core fans and dedicated crew. Shows were frequently being interrupted, often in the middle of songs, to replace old, malfunctioning instruments and equipment.

"No one wanted to come out and blame Malcolm for the problems the band was having, but we all knew the truth. We all knew," claims Rat, a former roadie for The Anti-Electrics.

After only a short time touring together, Malcolm finally admitted to the band that he wanted to end the tour early so he could "take a break." Tori, who'd been with him from the beginning, took it the hardest.

Tori reminisces, "It hurt, it really did. I don't want to say it wasn't expected, we all knew it was coming, but I was hoping we could at least make it to Chicago before Mal bailed out. He was struggling though, and our music was suffering. Despite it all, we had good times together. Good times."

Since the band's break-up, Tori has become a rock journalist, chronicling the lives of bands much like The Anti-Electrics, cover-bands with big dreams and even bigger underlying resentments and grudges. In the heart of their career, The Anti-Electrics hired and fired a total of eight lead singers and an equal number of bassists, all of whom have moved on to better things. Malcolm hasn't made a public appearance since The Anti-Electrics last show in Boston. Some believe he has found comfort in his bed, much like Brian Wilson had. Tori remains hopeful.

"I'd still like to believe that The Anti-Electrics will reunite and go on tour again. I have hope that we will make it to Chicago and maybe even San Francisco someday. I'm not giving up." Tori holds up her hands and winks, "These hands will hold guitar sticks once again, man, you can be sure of that."

VH1 has no affiliation with this blog.

Previously on OBG... 1.9

                       
Although inspired in part by a true incident, 
the following story is fictional 
and does not depict any actual person or event...
except that it does.

When we last left OBG...

... she was terrified that she was going to kill off her blog because she's a working stiff now with a real job. She was toeing the racist line and had already managed to isolate herself from the group of people who were supposed to be her support group throughout her first year teaching in the county. She's been working her butt off at work, often arriving before 8:00am and leaving around 5:30-6:00pm. With at least an hour commute both ways, OBG was feeling the pains of commuting after only two weeks. Seeing as how OBG and the G-Man work a few streets away from each other, they felt carpooling together once or twice a week would be wise.

We now join OBG on Friday morning setting off for work with the G-Man on their trial run of car pooling.

OBG (with an unusually high amount of early morning cheeriness): Isn't this exciting? 
The G-Man (skeptical): What?
OBG: Carpooling!
The G-Man: Oh, yeah. It'll sure make traffic a lot more tolerable with someone else in the car.
OBG (with a naive amount of giddiness): And you get to Kiss 'n Ride me too!
The G-Man: ...
OBG: ...

Having quickly recovered from the TWSS moment (Ed's Note: A goodie, no doubt, but still not good enough to outdo the OBG TWSS golden oldie moment of '07) we now join OBG, on Sunday morning, eating breakfast in the kitchen with the G-Man, Upstairs Mike and Upstairs Mike's kids, the Asian Dumplings.*

The G-Man:

Ms. OBG: When, boys and girls, would you want your feet to be really fast? (taps quiet Kindergarten girl, who is sitting criss-crossed applesauce with her hand raised, on the head with her magic wand)
Kindergarten Girl: Your eyes are oval shaped.
Ms. OBG: Uh... yes, yes they are... great observation...
In-Head OBG: Where were you 40 minutes ago when I asked the class what objects were shaped like ovals? Geez, kid, try to keep up, would ya?

Next time on OBG...

... Was the carpooling a success? Will OBG carpool with the G-Man again even though she spent a majority of the ride with her eyes closed tight while in great fear for her life? Is Upstairs Mike really that sexist (Ed's Note: Uh, yeah, it appears so)? Why did the dog of the house insist on waking OBG up at a quarter of one in the morning, begging to go outside? Is OBG really getting sick? Will the source of her sickness ever be discovered (Ed's Note: Uh, yeah, it was, you can read about it here at Art Teachers Hate Glitter)? Will Kindergartners ever learn to pay attention?

Stay tuned for the next episode of OBG, where all of these questions will be answered. Or none of them. It could go either way. 

* (Ed's Note: For the record, this is not a nickname I gave the kids, but a nickname that was already bestowed upon them prior to my arrival)

Hold the phone, folks, I think something must be wrong with your TIVO (What do you mean, "How do you know we TIVOed this episode of Previously on OBG?" Hello! Previously on OBG episodes air on Mondays, unless I'm mistaken, it is now Friday, so...). It seems your TIVO botched again and lost half of this episode. Either that, or someone forgot the blatantly sexist story they were going to tell and quickly had to cover it up with a funny classroom story. Personally, I think it's your TIVO.

Wordless who-ha now?

    

Today I had a fifth grade student in my art room who was wearing a purple and grey plaid skirt with a black and white stripe boat neck, 3/4 sleeve tee. Can we say awesome?

I have discovered a fellow Project Runway fan, folks (she confirmed my theory on this), even though she is in fifth grade. It's always good to have something to bond with your students about. 

And here I was afraid I was going to have to catch up on Spongebob episodes.

Forgive me while I ramble

 

This work shit seems to be getting the best of me right now. I know that in a few weeks all the Beginning of the School Year (BOSY) crap will die down, and I'll have some free time again, but in the meantime, I'm dealing with BOSY crap in three different schools. Three schools that couldn't be any different, which I already babbled about here.

And while we're on the topic, can I just say that I'm terribly afraid this job is going to make me racist? I am, guys. Without getting into any specifics, I must say that there are a couple days a week in which my job is so much easier and my psyche is so much happier then, well, three other days of the week. It all comes down to student behavior and their cooperation in my classroom. One school I work at has a significantly more cooperative and responsive student body than the other two. While trying to figure out why, I concluded that I'm dangerously close to drawing racist conclusions. I think it might be time to reevaluate my approach with the other two schools because I do not want to become the ignorant person/teacher who has favorites based on race. I do not, do not, DO NOT want to become that person.

Source

Moving on...

I find myself heading to Target shortly to pick up a few items for my classroom; a timer, a magic wand and chimes. *Sigh* The life of an elementary art teacher, where you're expected to perform magic everyday. All part of the new strategy. I'm going to find something that'll work, dammit.

On a completely unrelated topic, still waiting on my driver's license to arrive and hating every happy hour I miss day I don't have it. In case you don't remember, or maybe I never mentioned it, I lost my license while in DC a couple of weekends ago. The worst part was that I wasn't even drunk, or in DC to get drunk. We were in DC for sushi and I'm pretty sure it fell out of my pocket while I was using the bathroom. Unfortunately, when I realized I had lost it (when we tried entering a different establishment after dinner for a "one for the road" beer), the sushi place was so packed, I couldn't even find the bathroom when I went back. Now I'm just waiting for a new one to arrive from New York.

Um... so I have so much to report on, whenever I can manage to find the time. There's a giveaway I won awhile a back and a contest I won as well that I never mentioned. Not that you necessarily care, but I like to spread the word, so-to-speak, on these sorts of things. Plus, I have a Saturday feature I started working on months ago that has yet to see the light. Maybe someday. My "Previously On" posts have been few and far between, and while I've managed to keep up on "Random Shit Tuesday" (more or less) they've certainly been lacking. I haven't had an "I ♥ Etsy" post in ages and it seems like I've completely forgotten that there are days after Tuesday in which I can post. And holy shit, when was the last time I shared my musical tastes with you all?

*Sigh*

This just in... who decided we needed to redesign the dollar bill, and why would we even consider letting the British to do it? Apparently there was a contest for this or something, and now people can vote for a redesign? I don't know how I feel about this, but it's trending towards not good. I haven't heard much on the subject.

You can read more about it here (although it doesn't really provide all that much information), and if anyone has anymore information on this (like, is it for real?) please pass it on. Thanks.

You probably forgot this...

   

...but I'm an art teacher again. I used the last of my Wednesday brain cells (I've started rationing them) on a post over at Art Teachers Hate Glitter. Check it out. 

20 Things Elementary Art Teachers Will Never Tell You.

And can I just take a moment here to say, Kindergartner farts in Virginia smell just as bad as the ones in New York. What on earth are you people feeding your five year olds?

RST: Laptops, underwear, and awkward social isolation.

            

        

It's Tuesday, which means, time again for another Random Shit Tuesday! 

My randomness...

The new guy

I finally have a new laptop, y'all (hey, I'm technically in the south, right? Although I was informed a year ago that anything north of Woodbridge, VA is, well, the North...). My school district (or as it seems to work outside of NY, the county) provides all of its employees with brand new laptops to use (and take home). I've been hesitant to use it for personal use this first week because, well, I'm lazy. My old laptop has all my usernames and passwords on file (that's how it works, right?), all favorites bookmarked, and all my settings set just the way I like them. I haven't really had any time to do the same on this little guy (he is smaller than my old laptop. Lighter too). And if I must be honest with you, I really like the familiarity and comfort of my old laptop. My fingers aren't quite familiar with the smaller keyboard and bright blue lights on the new one yet. *Sigh* On the other hand, the new guy is very quiet and quicker (these qualities do not transfer to human new guys. At least not as a positive. Nor do the other qualities I listed above, for that matter. Just in case you were wondering).

And, as promised...

1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!111!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!111!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!

I tried to not copy and paste, which, of course, was what I was sick of doing in the first place, which is why I was so excited to be getting a laptop with all its buttons again, but damn! Typing '1' and '!' over and over again is taxing on the Shift finger.

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And for the record, this is the last time I use Internet Explorer to blog. It sucks. I apologize for any misspellings you might happen across. I usually rely heavily on the red dotted lines that Firefox provides me with. IE makes me check my spelling on my own. And it won't let me open things up in new tabs and insists on opening new windows. This just might be more obnoxious (to me) than the 1/! problem.

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Sometimes I feel like I lack some serious training on how to be a girl or something. For example, when left at home alone for the weekend, I walk around the house in my underwear, I don't shower or dress until 9:00 pm, beer and microwave popcorn becomes a suitable meal, everything goes into the dishwasher (and I do mean EVERYTHING), wet towels are left on the bedroom floor, and deodorant is optional.

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And did I mention that all of my pictures are on my other laptop? *Sigh*

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Last night I inadvertently set myself apart from the district's other new elementary art teachers during our training seminar by NOT following directions and doing it my way instead. No one wanted to work near me after that.

Now I know how the ADD kid feels.

For the record, I prefer wavy lines on my charts opposed to straight and I'm not sure why it wasn't okay that instead of trying to cram 6 pages of line & texture samples onto a too small piece of tag board, I took a pair of scissors to mine and made tiles. I should have been praised for thinking outside of the box and not made to feel stupid because my samples weren't the same as everyone elses.

And that's all I have to say about that.

                            

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Feel free to quit me at anytime, folks. I shall not be offended (not too much, any way).

Everyone loves a meme. Wait... what do you mean, "No they don't"?

   

Fuck it. It's my blog and I'm doing one anyways. This meme is brought to us by pieces of me, who I came across at...

(you've joined, right?)

Here goes...

Outside my window… there is darkness, and from the sounds of it, insects.

So… I am thinking… I could use another glass of wine. And I'm kind of feeling homesick and lonely.

I am thankful for… having a job. Finally.

I’m wearing… boy shorts and a tank top. Hooray for being home alone.

I am remembering… good times in NY.

I am creating… work for The Sketchbook Project. Images to come soon. Maybe.

I wonder … if I'll ever make it back to the gym or into a regular Pilates routine again. My thighs and love handles are screaming at me to try.

I am going… downstairs to the kitchen for some food. Oh, that's right, I haven't gone grocery shopping, so there is no food. Hmmm...

I am reading… shit. Not a gosh darn thing right now. But I hope to pick a book up again soon.

Song that is playing over and over in my head… "The Joker" by Steve Miller Band because I was searching for Pompatus of Love on Netflix earlier today to see if I could watch it on Instant Queue (I can't) and I got it stuck in my head.

I am hoping… that this new job makes me instead of breaks me. *Sigh* It's going to be a long year.

Pondering these words…. "letting go" is pretty much the same as "giving up", right? So when people advise you to "let go" and "move on," they're basically telling you to "quit" and "settle," right? Let's take, for example, that time I was stressing about not getting a teaching job and having to consider waiting tables, and people kept telling me that plenty of folks out there are working jobs in a field they didn't necessarily want to be in, and that maybe I should just suck it up and do the same thing (I'm paraphrasing). Well, guess what, I didn't listen, and I didn't give up, and I got a job doing what I want to do, so... IN YOUR FACE, people. Wait, that wasn't the point... my point is, "letting go" isn't always the way to go, right? I think holding on to hope is o-kay too.

From the kitchen… microwave popcorn, wine and frozen berries.

Around the house… everything is beige and French Country. I hate beige and French Country. I can't wait to move again.

One of my favorite things…  is receiving surprise texts that make my heart feel good.

Doh… I totally just thought the wind blowing my bedroom blinds against the window was the sounds of footsteps coming up the driveway. And this is why I should never be left alone without adult supervision. Well, that and the fact that I am a walking disaster and am a danger to myself. Seriously. I have injuries on top of injuries. I injure myself with injuries. (I don't think I told you about this, but remember that last toe injury I had? Well, before I was able to clean up the damage, I managed to stub the gnarled toe on the heel of my other foot, trip across the driveway, and cut the back of my foot with my injured toe. Yes folks, I am that talented.)

I don’t get… Responsive Intervention Classrooms. How can I manage my classroom without consequences? I really need some training on this.

I do enjoy… time to myself. Being around other people 24/7 really wears on a person.

I am watching… Tin Man. One of my favorite versions of the Wizard of Oz.

A few plans for the rest of the week… work, work, and work. Oh, and a 3 1/2 hour New Employee Orientation and a 3 hour Bright Beginnings seminar. Both on Monday, beginning at 2pm. Ouch.

A picture I would like to share…

I don't think I shared a full image of my wine/liquor bag painting. As you may notice, it's not finished. I don't think I have ever completed any of my work. It's a problem I have. I've given up trying to work on it and have come to accept it.


And that's it, folks.

It's not what you think. I think.

  

I've been quite the busy bee this week. These new jobs are non-stop craziness that I hope will settle down soon (for more, kind of boring, details, read, Be Careful What You Wish For...).  Meanwhile I feel like Jack Torrance holed up in the Overlook Hotel. Minus the bathtub of blood, talking fingers and Shelley Duvall, of course. Kudos to those of you who made the connection with yesterday's creep-o post. If you missed that reference, well, I can only assume we weren't birthed in the same decade.

Young 'uns these days. What's the world coming to?

I'm trying with all my might to not kill off this blog. But holy shit, folks, I'm tired. 5:00 am to 7:00 pm makes for a very, very long day. And when I finally get home, the last thing I want to do is... well... anything, really. All I really want to do is collapse on the first flat surface I encounter and just pass... the fuck... out.

That being said, I have the entire house to myself this weekend (and I can assure you, ever since that strange man walked up from the basement and into the kitchen last night, the doors are locked ALL. THE FUCKING. TIME. now.), and I will probably have some time while I'm making breakfast  my popcorn's in the microwave to whip up some clever posts. You've been warned.

Wendy, I'm home.

I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. All work and no play makes Jack a very dull boy. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. Redrum. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. We are experiencing some technical difficulties. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. Please stay tuned. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog. I will not kill this blog.

An OBG PSA: Put Down the Duckie

    
There's a fire in your house, what would you go back for?

Your morning alarm goes off, what's the first thing you reach for?

It's late and you're in bed, what nighttime ritual do you perform before hitting the hay?

You're in a restaurant enjoying good food, good beer and good company, what's in your hand?

Complete this sentence, "I would be lost without..."


If you answered "my smart phone", or any version of that phrase to any of the above questions, guess what, folks? 

YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM!!

Yup, that's right, you're an addict. Consider this your intervention. On behalf of your loved ones, I implore you...

PUT DOWN THE GODDAMN DUCKIE!*

*The duckie being your smart phone, and in the vid below, "play the saxophone" can be substituted with just about any activity. Like cooking. Or driving. Or having sex.

And for those of you who aren't addicts, you're still gonna wanna watch this clip. Trust me.

What does Jane Curtain, Pee Wee Herman, Mark Ingram and Jeremy Irons all have in common?

They're in this clip.

Curious. Does this pic creep anyone else out? I fear for Snuffy's trunk. (click to enlarge. TWHS!!)

You're kind creepy, Keith.

RST: Glue, crocheted beards, sexism, lanyards, tater tots, and ModCloth love.

       

        

It's Tuesday, which means, time again for another Random Shit Tuesday! 

My randomness...

           

(Source)

I would love to know what glue is used on those pesky apple stickers that I now use a knife to remove. I can think of a ton of other applications for this miracle glue. Like fixing peeling wallpaper. Or hemming pants because I don't know how to sew. Or hanging posters up on cement brick walls. Or reattaching the rubber stumps on the bottom of my laptop. Or sealing envelopes. Or hanging a 50 lb. mirror on the wall directly above my precious Hummel collection.* For real, that glue is some serious shit. 

* I don't have a Hummel collection, per se. I don't think I used "per se" correctly here.

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This item made it on a list of stupidest inventions that I read about on Are You Serious? by Midwestern Mama Holly, but I think they're pretty awesome. What do you think? 

                          

I know what everyone on my Christmas list will be getting this year. You can find many styles available from the Etsy shop, taraduff. And I think it's great that Tara's family fully supports her endeavors. Check out her blog, where you can find a pic of the entire family donning this "stupidest invention".
                         

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I hate generalizations and the stupid people who make them. I don't make them, and I don't expect people to make them about me. It's insulting. Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I have a burning desire to control all the money or that I have out-of-control spending habits. So shut the fuck up. You don't know me.*

And while we're on the topic of sexism, asking a woman how she feels now that she's "joined the world of working women" is just as insulting as asking her how she manages to tie her apron with a spatula in her hand before she makes you dinner. Stupid man.** I can't even begin to imagine why two wives have left you.

* I've always wanted to use this phrase, but I don't really foresee an appearance on Jerry Springer or Maury in my future. Are those shows still on?

** Notice I didn't say "men", because, as I mentioned, I don't making generalizations and am directing my disgust towards one man in particular.

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It seems I must now wear my face around my neck every weekday. Because of this, I am on the hunt for a cool and stylish lanyard. I'm not sure they exist. Of course, my search first took me to Etsy. (duh). I found some kind of interesting ones, but not quite as cool as I was hoping for. Of course, I would like some input on this.

At first, I thought I wanted a beaded lanyard. This one, "Painter's Palette" by LANYARD LADY is kind of neat, but then I started thinking that this might be a little too Artsy Fartsy. I know what you're thinking, "but OBG, you are an art teacher." You're right, however I pride myself on not being one of those art teachers. Plus, it seems like all the other teachers with unique lanyards have beaded ones, thus rendering them no longer unique.

Then I thought something like this one, "Silver Tiki" by curlynetto would be a good idea. One can rarely ever rely on the classroom clocks to be accurate, and ever since the battery died in my watch (three? four? years ago), I haven't worn one. Then I decided that the watch style of beaded lanyards all tend to be a tad too old ladyish for my taste. Plus, like I said before, everyone seems to do the beaded thing.

Having become quite tired of the beaded thing, I decided to venture into the world of fabric lanyards, like this "Seaglass" one by sewgracious. There appears to be a wide variety of options when it comes to fabric lanyards, which is good, however, knowing how fickle I am, I would be afraid that I'd pick one out that I like right now, but would soon tire of it three months down the road.

Giving up on the lanyard idea altogether, I decided to check out retractable badge reels like "Sock Monkey" here by kimberlyk. I think these guys are, gosh darn-it, just the cutest little monkeys that ever did decorate a badge reel. On the other hand, I've had badge reels before and I know how frequently I get them caught on things and how often I break them. It would break my heart if I broke my monkey.

Not quite willing to give up on the lanyard style, I did another search and came across this wondrous "Custom Geek Lanyard" by PeriwinkleDynz. You may have noticed that this lanyard is not only made of beads, but also of resistors. Having harbored a secret crush on resistors since my days of high school science (don't judge), I thought this lanyard was super-d-duper fantastic. (Doctor Who, Picard, Tron, Flux Capacitor, Boobs).


So what do you all think? Should I go with one of the ones above, or do you have other recommendations?
   

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Cheese has no business being in sushi. 
      

Sushi has no business being served warm.
       

That being said, when being consumed along side $3 PBRs, nontraditional sushi ain't that bad.

In completely unrelated news (but not really), I ate at Sticky Rice in DC for the first time the other night. Apparently they're well known for their tater tots. And I have to admit, they were good. And not at all like the smooshie, soggy tots from your school's cafeteria. The G-Man and my other two housemates go there frequently. Apparently one of them (who may or may not be the individual I was referring to a minute ago) is good friends with the owner. Or something like that. You may recall that time I randomly ended up in a DC restaurant after partying in a field at a wine festival in Virginia. Same guy. Different restaurant.

(I had sushi for dinner the other night in Reston, at the Ariake Japanese Restaurant as well. It was probably one of the best authentic sushi experiences I've had. And the best part? It's right down the road from my new jobs!)
     

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I am so super excited to be getting a paycheck again. I'm in dire need of some real work appropriate clothing. It seems I've weeded out most of the clothes I used to wear to work because a) they no longer fit b) they were no longer in style or c) I no longer liked them. I've already started window shopping on ModCloth in anticipation of that first check. Here's a few items I'm coveting.

And you can be damn sure I'll be popping back over to Anthropologie again. After all, I now work minutes away from their store.

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And that's about it for my randomness. Today is my first day of work with students, so if I manage to survive, you can be sure to see me back here tomorrow. Happy Tuesday.

Now Robot Friendly

       

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And you can thank Twig for that.

But that actually has nothing at all to do with this post. I just wanted to let the robots out there know.

Plus, I'm trying to up my geek traffic, so I figure if I frequently use the word "robot" and maybe even "Futurama", I might attract the Geek-Squad. I'm not really sure why this is a new goal of mine, I guess I just thought it would be a fun challenge.

Robot.

Futurama. 

Where was I again? Oh, right.

So, the last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of crazy business. 

In the span of (less than?) two weeks, I had two interviews, was hired for two .40 elementary art positions, gained two classrooms at two different schools, lost one of those classrooms but gained art on a cart, went "camping", lost art on a cart and was told a new classroom was being built, traveled into DC for in-service training with the other 230+ ART teachers in my school system, met and potentially made some new friends, confirmed that I am now permanently certified to teach in NY, had another job interview and was hired at another school, gained another classroom, questioned my antics in March and pondered on the F book whether or not I got wasted and blew a leprechaun, survived the stress of a TB test, started drinking milk again (in chocolate form. It's all about the baby steps, folks), and... I think that's about it. I think.

Everyone should have in-service training here.

Phew.

Let's flashback for a moment. Remember when I graduated with my MASTERS back in May? Remember how that was all I talked about? I'm going to try so super hard not to do that now. I mean, I have an entirely separate blog for that, right? Right. But I'm excited, so please forgive me this week while I go on and on about how wonderful life is right now (check back next week, after I've had students, and I might be singing a different tune).

But if you think I've been too Cheery Cheri for your taste this week, you will be happy (bastards) to hear that I realized today that my new work schedule will mean that I will not be able to adopt a shelter dog like I had been hoping to do. It just wouldn't be fair to make a dog sit at home all day by itself. I've been there, done that, and I can tell you, I wouldn't wish that experience on any four-legged creature (except cats).

 Alas, we were not meant to be together, dear, sweet puppies.

If only some program existed that allowed me to adopt a dog for the weekends. Like a doggieshare. He (or she) could live with a loving, caring person with lots of free-time during the week and then live with a loving, caring person (me!) on the weekends.

*Sigh*

Anysadness, tomorrow will be my last day before students start. I haven't done a lick of work on any of my classrooms, so I'll probably be working late. I also get to have my fingerprints done and my official badge made. Oh, and I get my laptop too. Yeah, that's right, every teacher gets their own laptop for the year. Be on the lookout for a plethora of !s and 1s from me in the future.