shhh... it's a secret

Thursday, May 20, 2010

I am a Lady of Laziness -er- Leisure

So technically, this is my last day of work as a grad assistant at the school I'll be graduating from tomorrow. However, there ain't shit for me to do at work, therefore, my days are pretty uneventful, boring and, quite frankly, lazy.

Let me illustrate for you...

A Typical Day in the Life of the OBG (otherwise known as yesterday):

8:58 am- Get jolted awake by... something. What was that? An alarm? A text? Angels heralding in the new day? Decide that since I'm up, I might as well get up and take care of some errands and head into work, but decide not to shower but figure that clean clothes would be a good idea.

9:32 am- On the road, heading to the post office, a place I haven't been to in about three weeks. Once at the post office wonder what the purpose is of my mailbox if all I ever get is junk mail. Sort through the grocery store fliers and discover an Urban Outfitters catalog and a notice from my Student Loan Big Wigs. Realize I forgot to contact the Student Loan Big Wigs last month when they notified me that my in-school deferment (or was it a forbearance?) would be expiring. Make a mental note to call the SLBW later. Head to work.

10:03 am- Arrive at the office where people are perplexed as to why I'm there since they have no work for me to do. Receive a graduation gift from the secretary and fight back tears that are struggling their way out because it's touching to think that she will miss me. Fill out last (bogus) time sheet. Make plans to officially say goodbye to everyone on Friday. Leave.

10:25 am- Pick up tickets for graduation that I will not be using because I am a loser and instead will be giving to one of my friends so her entire family can attend the ceremonies. Feel slightly depressed about the nonevent that graduating grad school has become.

10:37 am- Head home.

10:40 am- Arrive at home. Make coffee and cinnamon toast. Crack open the laptop and proceed to apply for a student loan deferment because of unemployment, and become slightly shocked over how easy it is. Decide to (finally) schedule an eye exam before I lose my insurance. 

11:18 am- Try job searching but give up when a) I can't find any jobs and b) I can't apply for the jobs that I can find because the online application process isn't functioning properly. Curse technology because it's keeping me from getting a job. Curse school districts for only accepting online applications and not paper ones.

11:52 am- Check email, facebook, local newspaper sites, blogger, and a variety of other internet sites for news, updates and random information.

12:38 pm- Clean room up a little bit. Make popcorn. Have a brief conversation with the mail lady.

1:00 pm- Eat popcorn, try watching a Netflix movie online.

1:30 pm- Quit watching Netflix because the connection sucks so much. Have brief conversation in kitchen with a housemate about school being over.

2:06 pm- Blog for awhile. Have a few texting conversations. Catch up on reading blogs. Develop blogger girl crush on Katie at Date me, D.C.! because the tales of her dating woes are just too much. Spend WAY too much time reading her archived posts.

3:28 pm- Become only slightly concerned that the 'M' of the 'PMS' has yet to show itself, especially since my insides tend to run like clockwork, but decide to worry about this later because I prefer to ignore potential problems in the hopes that by doing so they will go away. Return to hiding away in the internet.

4:48 pm- Participate in phone call that makes me want to pull my hair out because of the whole PMS thing and the fact that I hate talking on the phone. Become secretly relieved when the call gets dropped.

5:00 pm- Cave to a chocolate craving that results in me bustin' out some mad MacGyver skills which also results in me having a slight microwave mishap (you'll hear about this next week)

5:20 pm- Pre-blog about microwave mishap. 

5:25 pm- Answer phone and continue phone call that was dropped earlier while continuing to pre-blog. Restrain from pulling my hair out, again. Get slightly freaked out by conversation when gangrene is mentioned. It was brought to my attention that I may require supervision, something that I have been saying for awhile now. I decide that I need to purchase some real first-aid products, toot-sweet.

6:26 pm- Check self in the mirror to make sure I'm appropriately dressed to be seen in public. Decide that it doesn't matter since I don't really know anyone in town any ways. Walk out of the house looking like this:

6:28 pm- Proceed to the grocery store with fears of rotting appendages and other medical nightmares. Purchase hydrogen peroxide, Neosporin, bruschetta, tortilla chips, mozzarella cheese and ginger ale. Contribute $1 to some cancer charity that I didn't quite catch because the cashier was talking too fast.

6:50 pm- Back at home, make bruschetta nachos and let some guy use my phone to call his friend (aka my landlord) who he was suppose to meet at our house. Rack my brain to try and remember the dude's name because I know I've met him before but resign myself to the fact that I suck at that sort of thing. Curse the house because the ice cube tray is empty and I want a drink. Stat. Refill ice cube tray.

7:15 pm- Have brief conversation with housemate in the kitchen. Let the same guy from earlier into the house to use the bathroom because he's been hanging outside this whole time because the landlord has yet to show up.

7:35 pm- Turn on Ghost Whisperer and respond to facebook messages. Realize that I missed a call from my dad but also realize that I'm totally okay with that. Notice that I missed a call this morning for subbing which totally explains the noise that woke me up.

8:07 pm- Get impatient with the whole liquid turning to solid process and mix a drink up, neat. Watch some more Ghost Whisperer.

8:30 pm- Watch newly discovered funny Wednesday night TV on ABC. Realize that I have yet to resolve the toe issue and should probably do something about that since it's really starting to become painful and of course, it still smells bad.

8:38 pm- Finish drink and remember that there is a tray full of Jell-O shots in the fridge, leftover from a house mate's acapella party this past weekend*. Wish that I liked Jell-O. Wish that I could tolerate vodka. Recall how terrible vodka is. Wish I had some pudding shots which I had for the first and only time during my trip back to the mountains when we partied in the woods, sort of. Decide to just go make another drink, with or without ice.

8:40 pm- Get distracted from life by the appearance of Betty White on "The Middle." Laugh out loud when they talk about how cross-country has no-cuts and all you have to do is just show-up and remember a post by The Sassy Curmudgeon that talked about the same thing.

8:43 pm- Realize that I haven't gotten anywhere on that drink. Or with that toe. Realize that you are all probably realizing now that I'm writing this post Wednesday night and not on Thrusday as I would like you to believe.

8:44 pm- Feel so seriously bad about myself because I truly have no life now that grad school is over and kind-of sort-of want to disappear from the world. Wonder what the purpose of my life is. Can't come up with an answer.

8:46 pm- Decide to make a very, very strong drink. And make a mental note to fix that toe thing but secretly wonder if I wouldn't be better off developing gangrene and turning into a scary werewolf/zombie monster. 

8:48 pm- Imagine that Sue Heck is really the middle school version of the Sassy C, reincarnated, or something like that. Die laughing.

9:13 pm- Enjoying my drink and decide that I beat this post to death.

Catch you all later!

10:05 pm- Notice that I neglected to publish this post. Wonder what the hell happened to "Happy Town". I mean, I know I wasn't entirely on board with it yet, but I was giving it a chance. Wonder what the hell "What Would You Do?" is and decide it looks stupid. Mix another drink, because really, what else have I got to do, and proceed to channel search.

10:08 pm- Decide that I really have beaten this to death and publish post, for tomorrow.

* There is nothing in the world more entertaining than being awakened at 2:00 am to a basement full of partiers busting out in song, in perfect harmony. Seriously. Most partiers are drunkenly yelling, shouting, fighting, tearing through the house at this point in time. These folks? They sing.


Salt said...

Congrats on your graduation!
You pretty much just described the kind of week that I wish I was having. :)

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

Look out world ... here you come. Congrats on graduation.

Katie said...

omg, I just saw you have a blogger girl crush on me... that's awesome!!!! :D

I am probably going on a date tonight and another one tomorrow, so... wish me luck! And if not luck, wish that they're so incredibly awkward that they make for a good story :)

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